


In Search of Silver Linings, We Discover Gold

by mymuseismusic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baseball, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 68,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymuseismusic/pseuds/mymuseismusic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It was also six months since she had smiled this much in any day."</p>
<p>Lexa is captain of the Grounder's baseball team. With a high school rivalry haunting her that extends past the game, she strives to lead her own team to a championship win. </p>
<p>Clarke's AP Art teacher told her to find a muse for her final graduation piece. She certainly didn't expect it to hit her in the head with a baseball.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Hit Me

“Look, all I’m saying is that it would make a great senior prank!”

 

“Raven, we literally _just_ finished with midterms. Don’t you want to rest before you start your planning?”

 

“Oh my dear Clarke. My darling best friend. My sweet cupcake.” Raven swung her arm around the blonde’s shoulder, pulling her close. “It is never too early for planning our legacy.”

 

Clarke shook her head out how ridiculous her friend sounded.

 

The two were at Clarke’s locker as she finished cleaning out the rest of random papers and unfinished sketches. She never knew how disorganized she was until she actually had to do something about it.

 

Clarke had transferred to Arker High School in Los Angeles at the beginning of the school year. She had been extremely reluctant to leave Washington D.C. especially as she was right about to start her senior year, but her mom got a great promotion from the local hospital to be Chief Surgeon. So they moved cross-country and here she is now.

 

Luckily, the first day, she met her now best friend, Raven Reyes. Clarke had gotten lost trying to find her first class when she stumbled into an auto shop class bumping into someone as she opened the door.

 

_She looked up and there was Raven with a smirk, “Got your head in the clouds, Sky Princess?”_

 

After that, Raven had introduced her to her group of friends, meeting Jasper, Monty, and Octavia. Through Octavia, she met her brother, Bellamy, who had just started college. They had accepted her instantly. And now after four and a half months, they were all a close-knit family.

 

Raven continued on, explaining how legendary the second half of their senior year was going to be. Parties, trips, pranks, more parties. Senioritis had smacked her right in the face.

 

She closed the locker with a satisfying slam and threw the unimportant papers away, never wanting to look at them again.

 

Ten minutes ago, the final bell rang, signaling the end of their first semester as seniors and the beginning of winter break. When people told her that college applications and filling out form after form would be the most stressful part of the year, they weren’t joking. But luckily, she managed to finish the semester strong, her grades high and several extracurricular activities under her belt.

 

Her art portfolio was solid, filled with projects, showing off her different skills. She had drawn and painted so much her hands felt like they were going to fall off.

 

They walked down the hallway, passing several friends clearing out their own lockers. Jasper and Monty looked like they were playing an extreme game of trash basketball. Though the duo were only juniors, they sure as hell acted like they were graduating in the next few months.

 

They both jolted to a stop when one of the classroom doors opened suddenly, revealing Clarke’s AP Art teacher, Mr. Roman. The elderly man was dressed up with a smock covering his clothes and what looked like charcoal all over him.

 

“Clarke! Just the person I was looking for!”

 

Raven let out a small groan at being held up. Clarke smacked her on the shoulder.

 

“What can I do for you, Mr. Roman?”

 

Mr. Roman had taken Clarke under his wing when she arrived, helping her improve her art and constantly challenging her. Though she was in his AP Art class, he was always giving her extra assignments, recommendations, and advice, which she gladly accepted.

 

“Well, as you know, I was very impressed with your art piece for the winter showcase!”

 

“Thank you sir. I made sure to put a lot of effort into it.”

 

And she had. She submitted a painting she spent most of her free time working on and felt extremely proud of. Clarke had been missing her old home, the snow and cold feeling against her cheeks. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no snow in L.A. Since it was the winter showcase, she was influenced by the winters in D.C. Winters she probably wouldn’t experience for a long time.  

 

“I have an assignment for you.”

 

Clarke eyes widened. “Yeah? Alright.”

 

He clasped his hands together. “I’ve noticed, Clarke, that your art has been missing something lately.”

 

Ouch. Clarke frowned at the suggestion.

 

“It’s not a technical area!”

 

“Then what am I missing?”

 

The older man opened his mouth, trying to find the words. “Heart, for lack of a better word.”

 

Raven raised an eyebrow at the teacher.

 

“Heart?” Clarke let the word fall out of her mouth slowly.

 

“I am always blow away by your talent, Ms. Griffin. But it’s not just the surface that I am interested in. What’s something that makes your heart race? What is something you love that overcomes you, your very being?”

 

He tapped his chest, right over his heart.

 

“Well, um. I’ve made several art pieces with the concept of love.”

 

“Yes, I know. But they were still missing that _one_ thing. So that is your assignment! Find a muse that truly expresses that element of heart. I want it ingrained in the piece.”

 

Mr. Roman clapped her on the shoulder. “I want it done for your last art piece, right before graduation. That will give you plenty of time. Now then! Have a wonderful break, you two!”

 

He waved a small goodbye, and then reentered his classroom. 

 

Raven turned to Clarke, an amused expression on her face. “Sucks for you.”

 

“Shut up. It’s not that bad. Besides, I have months to finish it.”

 

“Yeah, but what about the luuurve part?”

 

“I’m not going to worry about that either. At least not during break.”

 

Raven clapped her hands together.

 

“Alright, well how does a party at mine sound? Kicking off winter break right!” Raven playfully poked her shoulder, showing off her trademark grin.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, “Are you sure you want mess up your house right at the start of vacation?”

 

“C’mon Griffin, who cares? Let your hair down! Besides, my mom is gone for the week.” She continued poking her shoulder. “I’m not gonna stop until you say yes.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and looked back to Raven.

 

“Ah! Okay, okay!”

 

Raven fist pumped the air and wrapped her arms around her best friend and squeezed.

 

“I’m telling you, Clarke. Today’s the day for something great! The start of our legacy! And who knows, maybe you’ll find your muse. Maybe someone with an L for a name?”

 

Clarke blushed, shoving her friend at the mention. “You’re a dumbass.”

 

“Yeah, but you love me anyway!”

 

Together they walked out the end of the hallway and out the doors.

 

 

\--

 

Lexa tightened the grip on her bat, anticipating the next pitch.

 

She squinted her eyes, trying to block out the sun, and focus on the ball. Letting out a shaky breath, she waited. As soon as she saw the ball leave Octavia’s hand, she lifted her left leg and swung.

 

A loud crack of the bat echoed throughout the field as the ball flew into the air. Lexa watched from home plate as another ball fell deep into centerfield on the grass.

 

“Well that makes about twenty possible triples in about…fifteen minutes,” Octavia pointed out, taking off her hat and wiping the sweat from her forehead.

 

Lexa ignored the comment and took a couple of practice swings. Her arms were starting to burn from the constant force, but she didn’t care.

 

“Lexa, c’mon. Break started about half an hour ago and you already want to practice? Training starts after New Years anyways.”

 

Again, Lexa ignored her friend’s comment.

 

The two teammates had actually known each other since Lexa was ten years old and Octavia, nine. Both were signed up to the same little league team and the friendship was instantaneous. During one practice, ten-year-old Lexa had commented on Octavia’s weird swing from her position on first base. To which Octavia had picked up a ball and threw it right at Lexa’s stomach, full force. Lexa had the wind knocked out of her and went down. The coach sat them both on the bench to apologize. Neither backed down. But it was Lexa who broke the silence first.

 

_“Nice throw.” Lexa mumbled under her breath, playing with her glove._

_“What?”_

_“I said you have a nice throw.” She said louder._

_“Oh. Thanks.” Octavia stared straight ahead, watching their team practice._

_“Watching you catch the ball with your stomach was funny.”_

_Lexa turned her neck to face the girl. And smiled._

After the coach saw the throw she made at Lexa- which he did not condone- he decided to work with Octavia to help develop her pitch.

 

Now, here they were, seven years later. And their friendship strong.

 

Lexa made varsity on Arker High School’s baseball team her freshman year. She was her team’s cleanup hitter and catcher. You need power and strength to hit the farthest to clear off the bases. After years of pushing herself harder than anyone, training off season, joining leagues, she felt proud when she made captain junior year.

 

Octavia was their starting pitcher, making the varsity team during her own freshman year and in Lexa’s sophomore. Lexa welcomed her proudly.

 

A pitcher and a catcher needed to be in sync, knowing the other’s movements and signs. After seven years- memorizing hand signs and pitches, and multiple throws to Lexa’s mask and hits to Octavia’s stomach, the pair had developed a bond that Lexa rarely had with someone. The two grew up together, both as friends and teammates. They had a mutual respect for each other. Lexa trusted Octavia with everything and vice versa. Octavia looked up to Lexa, always learning from her.

 

So, of course, Lexa felt fully prepared to lead her team, the Grounders, to a state championship a few months ago. However plans don’t last very long in the most important game of the season.

 

“I get that you’re still pissed and ready to take the world on. Hell, don’t you think we all are? Especially after Costia.”

 

Lexa looked down at the ground.

 

“Do you have anywhere else to be at the moment?”

 

“Nah, you need me here Cap. And besides, I already told Bellamy that you were giving me a ride.”

 

Lexa lifted the bat and took her stance. “Good. Then pitch the next ball.”

 

Octavia let out a sigh, putting her hat back on. She grabbed another baseball from the rack on the side of the pitcher’s mound and twisted it in her glove.

 

Lexa was ready, her knees bent, and arms still. She watched as Octavia took her own position.  And she let the ball go.

 

She could see it coming. Perfectly centered, right in the strike zone. The ball morphed into the one face she has loathed since freshman year. The cause of their loss last season. The cause of _her_ _own_ loss. She could almost see the smirk.

 

Lexa swung, hitting the ball just right with her bat. She could feel the vibrations run through her arm. Another satisfying crack rang out. She swears she could never be tired of that sound.

 

Octavia whistled. “And that makes twenty one.”

 

Lexa smiled; one more good hit. But her smile fell as she and Octavia followed the ball, realizing where it was heading. Two girls were walking through centerfield, completely unaware of what was coming.

 

Octavia let her mitt fall. “Shit.”

 

Lexa immediately yelled out, dropping her bat. “Watch out! Hey!”

 

\--

 

“So Bellamy texted me and he’s gonna be like twenty minutes late.”

 

“Gotcha. Is Octavia coming with us?”

 

Clarke shook her head. “No, she said she was gonna meet up with us later.”

 

Clarke and Raven descended the steps onto the baseball field, knowing that it’s the fastest route to the school’s parking lot.

 

“Can you text Bellamy about the party. He has the most passable fake I.D. so he’s in charge of booze.”

 

While Octavia’s older brother was in college, he was still only twenty. But luckily, he knew the right people for the most real I.Ds, which they were all extremely thankful for.

 

As they stepped on the grass, Clarke was still on her phone, texting Bellamy about Raven’s party idea.

 

“Hey Clarke, watch your step. There’s a lot of baseballs lying around for some stupid reason.”

 

Clarke murmured a small ‘kay before returning to her message. She trusted Raven enough to lead her around the balls. Or at least to not push her into a hole. The last thing she needed right now was a sprained ankle.

 

They were half way through the outskirts of the baseball field when off in the distance a sharp crack followed by what sounded like a yell rang out.

 

Clarke looked up from her phone to Raven who was trying to find the source of the yelling.

 

“Did you hear-

 

Before Clarke could finish her question, something hard smacked her against the head. She saw stars behind her eyelids.

 

Then darkness and the feeling of grass.

 

\--

 

 

“Fuck!”

 

As soon as they saw the girl drop, Lexa and Octavia sprinted towards centerfield.

 

“She’s dead. Fuck, Lexa, you killed her. And I’m an accomplice! Expulsion! Our careers are over!” Octavia ranted on as they ran across the field to the girls.

 

“Be quiet, Octavia!”

 

Raven was kneeling beside Clarke who started trying to sit up. She removed her backpack, which was suddenly a lot heavier.

 

“Clarke! Hey, careful.”

 

Clarke felt the top of her forehead pounding. She could already feel the bump starting to form. Her ears were starting to ring. The signs of a small concussion were showing up. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting the sun to blind her.

 

Reaching her first, Lexa dropped to her knees next to the blonde. “I am so sorry! I didn’t expect any other students to be on the field afterschool.”

 

Clarke groaned as she felt another wave of dizziness come over her. “What hit me?”

 

“A baseball.” Lexa explained.

 

“What the fuck is your problem? You almost killed my friend!”

 

Raven took her eyes off of Clarke and glared at the girl kneeling next to them. Her eyes widened at who it was. “Lexa.”

 

When Octavia finally caught up, she let out a small laugh from behind Lexa. “Holy shit, Clarke! I thought you were dead!”

 

“Funny, Octavia.” Raven put her hand on Clarke’s back so she wouldn’t fall back down. “At least your backpack broke your fall.”

 

Lexa scanned Clarke for any other signs of pain. “Can you open your eyes for me?”

 

When Clarke finally opened her eyes, her breath caught in her throat.  Looking straight at her were the greenest eyes she’d ever seen. They were wide and filled with concern, but had a small sparkle. The sun was directly behind the baseball player, casting a golden ring of light around her head. Lexa Woods.

 

She had never been more than twenty feet of Lexa and now here she was, inches away from her face.

 

“Yeah.” Clarke struggled to get just that word out of her mouth.

 

“It’s possible you have a concussion. Do you feel nauseous at all?” Lexa brought her hand to Clarke’s face, gently touching the bump.

 

Clarke couldn’t tell if it was the possible concussion or the butterflies in her stomach making her feel like throwing up. Maybe both.

 

“Um, no?”

 

“Alright, well Clarke is concussed.” Raven concluded. Together with Lexa, they helped Clarke off the ground.

 

“Clarke was it?”

 

The blonde swayed a bit before standing still. “Yeah.”

 

“I apologize, Clarke. I was hitting baseballs with Octavia and didn’t see anyone in the crossfire.”

 

Twice now, Lexa had said her name. And she already knew she could never get tired of hearing it.

 

“Yeah. I mean, who knew Lexa would hit your ass of all people?” Octavia smirked at Raven.

 

Clarke sent a death glare at her two friends.

 

It was no secret to the two that Clarke had a small crush on the baseball captain since arriving at Arker High School. Lexa was in Clarke’s AP History class and had captured the blonde’s gaze instantly. Her brown hair cascading down her shoulders. Her soft but direct voice when she answered a question. Her entire speech about the fall of the Roman Empire. Yeah. Clarke paid excellent attention during that one class.

 

She learned, after being introduced to Octavia, that Lexa was the captain of the school’s baseball team and also one of Octavia’s closest friends. But the baseball captain was very closed off. While she hung out with Octavia a lot, she often avoided any situations that involved the group. So, Clarke has only crushed and admired from afar.

 

Until now.

 

Lexa turned her back to Clarke and Raven. “Octavia, maybe you should take Clarke to the nurse’s office?” She suggested.

 

“Su-“

 

Octavia looked behind her captain’s back to see Raven furiously pointing at Lexa and then made a motion of pulling Clarke. She repeated it, until Clarke swatted her away.

 

Octavia caught on.

 

“Actually Captain, you were the one who hit her in the head. So maybe you should pay your dues. And Coach is probably better for this.” Octavia tried her best to give Lexa the most serious look.

 

“True. You were the one who almost killed her,” Raven muttered.

 

From behind Lexa’s back, Raven gave Octavia a thumbs up. Clarke smacked her on the arm.

 

She harshly whispered, “What are you guys doing?”

 

“Pushing your muse in the right direction,” Raven whispered back.

 

Lexa adjusted her baseball cap and turned back to Clarke.

 

She barely knew this girl. But Octavia insisted.

 

“Very well. I think I should escort you to the athletic trainer, Clarke. If that’s all right with you. An injury like this should be taken seriously. But only if you are comfortable.”

 

Clarke nodded. She was thankful she could blame the blood rushing to her face on her head injury. Blushing. Not fun.

 

“Okay, that’s fine.”

 

“Let me just go get my things from home plate and I’ll take you over.”

 

Lexa jogged away from the three friends toward her stuff. Clarke quickly pocketed her phone.

 

As soon as she was away from earshot, Clarke turned to her friends. “I can’t believe you two!”

 

Octavia and Raven started laughing. Raven was actually clutching her stomach.

 

Octavia wiped small tears away from her eyes. “This is amazing! Clarke, you’ve been crushing on Lexa since you got here.”

 

“Exactly! How many times does a perfect moment like this happen? A little romance in the doctor’s office?”

 

Octavia smiled. “And maybe it’ll help. Lexa-“

 

“The cold Captain needs to open up a little.” Raven interrupted.

 

At that, Octavia frowned at her friend. “Hey, c’mon, Raven. You know the shit that went down last season. Have a little compassion.”

 

Clark looked at Octavia. “What happened last season?”

 

The junior was about to open her mouth when Raven nudged her. Lexa was jogging back, her bat packed and her bag on her shoulders.

 

Octavia quickly let out in a low voice, “The Ice Nation Glaciers are our rivals for a reason. And last season, they gave us the biggest reason of all.”

 

Lexa reached them a few seconds later. “Clarke. Are you alright to walk?”

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

“I can give Clarke a ride back home in case you have somewhere to be.”

 

Raven and Octavia looked at each other. “Yeah that’s actually great. Bellamy was here to pick Raven up anyway so I’ll just catch a ride with them.”

 

Lexa nodded and then bent down to pick up Clarke’s backpack.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that!” Clarke then tried to grab onto one of the straps.

 

“I insist. As Raven and Octavia pointed out, I did nearly cause your death. Carrying your bag is the least I can do.”

 

Clarke gave her a soft smile, “Thanks.”

 

“Well you look like you’re in good hands, so we’ll catch up with you later!”

 

Her two friends both gave her a thumbs up when Lexa turned her back to start walking towards the stairs to the school. Raven stuck her tongue between two of her fingers and then laughed.

 

Clarke flipped them her middle finger and walked to catch up to Lexa.

 

\--

 

Lexa valued hard work to get to a goal. She constantly threw herself into practice after practice. Especially offseason, afterschool.

 

But instead of her practice session today, Lexa was in the athletic trainer’s office.

 

Lexa had seen this girl before. She was a new student at the beginning of the school year. And they had shared AP History together. She remembered the blonde constantly falling asleep during the lectures. Lexa often looked at the girl, especially when she was forced awake by their teacher slamming his book on his desk. She remembered the blonde blushing when she caught Lexa laughing along with the rest of the class at her interrupted nap. Octavia had mentioned befriending the new student before, but Lexa had never once spoken to her.

 

Now, she sat swinging her legs on one of the cushioned treatment tables as they waited for one of the trainers to come look at her head.

 

“Lexa Woods, right?”

 

Lexa looked up from her seat beside the table at the blonde. “Yes. And you’re Clarke.”

 

“Griffin.”

 

“Clarke Griffin.”

 

This was the most Clarke had ever spoken to the girl in an entire semester of class with her. And she kept saying her name.

 

“Yeah and just so you know, I normally don’t need this much looking after. My mother is a doctor so I was raised with a good clean bill of health and constant ‘Clarke, be careful!’”

 

She did her best impression of her mom when she was little.

 

“Well, technically I am to blame for this one. So don’t worry, there are no marks on your perfect no-injury record.” Lexa’s lips turned slightly upward, making the tiny joke.

 

Clarke’s stomach flipped at the sight of Lexa’s smile. She didn’t think this girl could get any more attractive. She sat on the chair next to the table, her baseball hat turned backwards. She’d let her hair down when they got in the room, so now her hair was flowing with the fan that was in the room. And there was a small sheen of sweat on her neck that started dripping into the collar of her white t-shirt.

 

Clarke was a goner.

 

“Woods. What seems to be the problem?”

 

Lexa stood up at the sound of her coach. “Hello Coach Indra. Actually it’s my classmate here. Clarke Griffin.” She spoke formally.

 

Clarke extended her hand to the coach. “Nice to meet you Coach. I wish it was under different circumstances.”

 

Indra let out a grunt, but shook the blonde’s hand. “Then what’s the damage, Clarke?”

 

Lexa spoke up instead. “I was out practicing my swing and accidently hit Clarke with one of my pop ups.”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa’s standing form. She clearly respected her coach.

 

Indra raised her eyebrow at her student. “So possible concussion.”

 

The coach pulled out a tiny flashlight. “Okay, Clarke. Follow the light with your eyes please.”

 

Clarke did as she asked. But she also noticed that Lexa had placed her hand on the table next to Clarke’s own. Just one shift of her pinky and they would touch.

 

She clicked the light off. “Well you’re not sensitive to light. Any nausea or dizziness?”

 

Clarke shook her head.

 

“Vision problems?”

 

“No ma’am.”

 

Indra grunted again. “Okay. I’m going to get an ice pack for that bump. I’ll be right back.”

 

Lexa pulled her hand away and took a step to stand right in front of Clarke. “Good news then.”

 

Before Clarke could respond, her phone buzzed from her pocket. She pulled it out and saw three new messages.

 

**Raven 3:43 PM- Invite her to the party tonight!!**

**Raven 3:43 PM- Tell her Octavia will be there if she says no!**

**Octavia 3:44 PM- DO IT**

 

Clarke bit her lip at the thought of inviting Lexa to their party tonight.. Now that she had actually _met_ Lexa, she didn’t seem like she would say no. But she had rejected every other time to hang out with them. Maybe.

 

“Is everything alright? Did Octavia and Raven make it home?”

 

Clarke pushed her nerves away. “Yeah they’re good. Um actually, I was wondering what you were doing tonight?”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened.

 

Clarke’s mind short-circuited. Crap. Wrong way to ask.

 

“I mean, Raven is throwing a party and everyone is invited! And if you wanted to come.”

 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. She started to shake her head. “I appreciate the offer, Clarke but” her voice drifted off.

 

“Think of it as a ‘Midterms Are Over, Christmas Is Almost Here’ party. Though Raven might want to throw an actual Christmas party too.”

 

Lexa clenched her jaw.

 

“And hey, someone’s gotta make sure I don’t pass out from my concussion.” Clarke pointed out playfully.

 

“You don’t have a concussion, Clarke.”

 

“Coming from the girl who almost gave me one. Octavia will be there too.”

 

Clarke gave her a half smile.

 

Right then, Coach Indra came back with a blue ice bag. “You’re going to ice your head for twenty minutes. Remove for an hour. Then repeat. I don’t want you closing your eyes to sleep anytime soon. Is there anyone who can keep an eye on you?”

 

Before Clarke could respond, Lexa took a deep breath and spoke up.

 

“I’ll be with her Coach.”

 

Clarke smiled. That was a yes.

 

Indra grunted. “Good then. Now Woods, please remove your friend from my office.”

 

“Yes Coach.” Lexa helped Clarke down from the treatment table and grabbed all of their bags. They walked out of the office into the hallway.

 

“So that’s a yes to the party, right?”

 

Lexa sighed, giving her a small nod. “I will be there. But no alcohol. Especially since you might still have a concussion. You can count on me to watch over you.”

 

Clarke’s heart fluttered at her words. And she couldn’t help the big smile she gave as she looked down at the ground. A wave of confidence surged through her veins. She felt brave.

 

“May I ask why the urge to watch over me?”

 

Lexa stopped and turned to her. “You are important to Octavia. And Octavia is important to me. Also, I don’t want your death on my hands.”

 

Clarke let out a small laugh. She was starting to recognize Lexa’s sense of humor. Straight forward and dry, but silly.

 

“Then I’ll try to make your job easier for you.”

 

Lexa motioned her head towards the doors that led to the stairs. “I’ll take you home, Clarke.”

 

\--

 

The drive to Clarke’s house was pretty much silent, with the exception of asking how they both did on their History midterm. But the silence was comfortable.

 

Clarke snuck glances at the ball player’s profile. And she had the sudden urge to sketch it. The sharp jawline and piercing eyes.

 

Lexa stared straight ahead, not trusting herself to look at the blonde. Clarke was sitting still, her arms folded in her lap. Just focus on the road. Yes, the girl was pretty. And yes, she was blushing more often than most.

 

Soon enough, they were outside Clarke’s house.

 

Lexa reached towards the backseat and grabbed Clarke’s bag. But Clarke quickly reached for it.

 

“You’ve done enough today, Lexa. I can take it from here.”

 

Lexa nodded and released the backpack.

 

Clarke stepped out and closed the passenger door, standing next to the car. Lexa rolled down the window and leaned over the middle console.

 

“Raven will most likely pick me up tonight, but I can text you the address. 7 PM. ” Clarke tightened her grip on the strap of her bag, waiting for her answer.

 

Lexa reached out of the passenger window with her phone in hand. “Here”

 

Clarke exchanged their phones, each putting there number in the others.

 

Lexa handed Clarke back her phone. “I will most likely arrive with Octavia. But the number is just in case you have another run in with death.”

 

“So, I’ll see you tonight then?”

 

“You will.”

 

Clarke pocketed her phone and turned towards her house.

 

Lexa didn’t drive off until she was insider her house and closed the door. She rested her back against the door and took a deep breath. Her phone buzzed again.

 

Clarke took it out and looked at a new message from Raven.

 

**Raven 4:25 PM- TELL ME EVERYTHING**

 

\--

 

 

Lexa opened the door to her home and was instantly greeted by her dog, Kaiser. He was a large German Shepard she’d raised since he was a puppy.

 

“Hey Kaiser! How are you, little man?” She kneeled down and scratched behind his ears. Kaiser wagged his tail happily.

 

Other than Kaiser’s exciting barks, the house was silent. Her Uncle Gustus was probably still at work.

 

She stood up and tossed her keys on the bowl next to the door before walking straight towards the stairs to her room.

 

Kaiser followed her up and proceeded to jump on her bed to lie down.

 

She set her bag down on her bed and walked to her dresser. Trophies sat on her shelves and medals hung on the walls.

 

Lexa took off her green cap and placed it on top of the wooden dresser.

 

Right on the top was the Grounder’s team picture from last season, her junior year, and first year as captain. They were all in their dark green and black uniforms. She could see Coach Indra standing proud on the side of her team with the assistant coaches. Lexa was standing center in the last row, her hair in braids that tied into a ponytail. She didn’t smile in the photo. Octavia took the place on her right, her hair intricately braided like Lexa’s, but left down. And to Lexa’s left was Costia.

 

Costia was the only one smiling in the team photo. Her bright smile could’ve lit up that entire room. Lexa could still feel the side that touched her when the photo was taken. She had resisted the urge to smile right before the flash went off.

 

_“Why so serious, Lex?”_

She could still hear Costia’s laugh right before the picture was taken.

 

Lexa picked up the photo and traced her fingertips over the glass covering Costia’s face. Her heart ached at the memory.

 

It’s been almost six months since the championship game against the Glaciers. Six months since Costia. Lexa’s heart still hurt at the sound of her girlfriend – ex girlfriend- crying out in pain. Six months since Lexa lost the championship game due to her emotions.

 

It was also six months since she had smiled this much in any day.

 

She quickly put down the photo.

 

She turned to her bag and pulled out her phone. She dialed the number and waited until she heard a voice.

 

“Hello Octavia. Yeah, I need your help.”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fic in a long time, but I had fallen in love with the 100. So, I was inspired. And I absolutely love baseball, so I combined the two!
> 
> This is completely my own editing, so I apologize for any mistakes. And I hope to update every week!
> 
> Thanks!


	2. Parties, Trampolines, and Monroe, Oh My

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love and support for this story! :)

Octavia rode her bike down the familiar streets. She’s ridden this exact route for seven years. She’s pretty much lost count of the number of times she’s passed the baseball diamond where they met. Whenever Lexa needed her, she came. And Lexa did the same.

 

Now she rode into Lexa’s driveway one more time. Lexa had called her simply asking for her help. She didn’t respond when Octavia asked her with what. She swore Lexa had a flair for dramatics sometimes.

 

Octavia took out her key to Lexa’s house and unlocked the door to the basement. Lexa’s car was already parked in the garage. Octavia placed her bike alongside the wall and walked to the door.

 

She opened it and continued into the hallway to the stairs. She bounded up and reached Lexa’s bedroom door. She knocked and waited.

 

“Come in.”

 

Octavia opened the door to see Lexa walking back and forth in front of her bed. She hadn’t changed out of her clothes. She was biting the nail of her thumb, a confused look across her face.

 

“Hey, Captain.”

 

“Octavia.”

 

She walked into the room and sat on Lexa’s bed, leaning against the headboard. She sat there for a few minutes in silence, waiting for her friend to begin telling her what was wrong. Or maybe, what had gone right. In waiting, Octavia grabbed the baseball that was sitting on Lexa’s bedside cabinet and began playing with it. When she didn’t seem like she was going to say anything at all, Octavia spoke up.

 

“So, how did it go with Clarke?”

 

Lexa stopped walking and stood in place. Well, that seemed to get her attention.

 

“She’s fine. Though she has some swelling on her forehead, there wasn’t a concussion from what Coach could examine.”

 

“While I’m glad she’s gonna be okay, that’s not what I asked.”

 

Lexa turned to face her friend. Octavia had smile on her face, her eyebrows  raised.

 

“What?”

 

“I mean, how did _it go with Clarke_?” She asked again, reemphasizing, her eyes widening.

 

“I don’t know what you’re implying.” Lexa stated in a flat voice.

 

Octavia groaned. She tossed the ball to Lexa, which she easily caught with both hands. “Lexa, what did you call me over for?”

 

Octavia knew that Clarke had asked her to come to the party at Raven’s tonight. Raven had made _sure_ to text her about it when Clarke arrived home. She wasn’t trying to torture Lexa. She wanted the exact opposite. She wanted Lexa to acknowledge what had happened for herself, rather than Octavia simply barrage her with questions and information.

 

Lexa took a deep breath. “Clarke, she- She asked me to attend Raven’s party tonight. And I agreed, saying I would be watching her for the concussion.”

 

“I thought you said there wasn’t a concussion.”

 

“Precautions.”

 

Octavia pursed her lips. “And do you want to go?”

 

“I already said yes.”

 

“Yeah, but you could easily make up some excuse and tell her that me or Raven could watch over her.” Octavia shrugged.

 

“So now, it’s up to you.”

 

“Why would you even bring that option up?”

 

“Because I want you going because _you_ want to. Not to please anyone else. So, do you want to go?”

 

Lexa looked down at the floor, her jaw clenched. “I don’t know. Yes?” She rolled the baseball around in her hands.

 

“What’s stopping you?”

 

“Honestly?”

 

Octavia nodded. But she already knew the answer. “It’s been six months, Lexa.”

 

“I realize that.”

 

“Then what’s holding you back? I know moving on is hard, but you don’t have to keep torturing yourself over this.”

 

Lexa dropped the ball onto the floor and walked over to the chair by her desk and took a seat. She placed her elbow on the desk and rested her head against her hand.

 

“I’m not torturing myself. I learned from my mistakes. And now, I’m just confused.”

 

“Lexa.” Octavia scooted over to the edge of the bed. “I’m not saying go out and date the next girl you see. I’m just talking about letting someone close. Not even that. Make a friend.”

 

“I thought you didn’t want me going out just to please someone.” Lexa pointed out.

 

“I’m only putting everything out there. Then you can decide.”

 

Lexa took her baseball cap off and put it on her desk.

 

“Clarke is great. And I’m glad you finally met her. She’s funny and sweet and cute. Don’t think I hadn’t noticed you look at her coming out of your history class.”

 

“Octavia.”

 

Lexa knew everything Octavia was saying was true. But it was just so new. And Lexa didn’t know what to make of everything. She just met Clarke and had no idea what to make of the girl.

 

Octavia sighed. “I just don’t want you to end something that hasn’t even started yet, something that can be whatever you want. Take a chance.”

 

“So you’re suggesting that I come with you tonight.”

 

“I’m suggesting that my captain comes out for some much needed fun. Without any expectations. But only if she wants. I’m not gonna hold anything against you.”

 

“No expectations?”

 

“Just be you.”

 

Lexa smiled at her friend. “When did you start becoming so smart?”

 

“I’ve always been smart. I’m just finally catching up to you.” Octavia grinned.

 

“You’re going to make a great captain next year.” Lexa stated in a soft voice.

 

“Hey, don’t talk like that. We still have a season to dominate and a championship to win.”

 

“Right, again.”

 

“Now, you should probably shower though, cause yikes.”

 

Lexa sent her a glare and tossed her cap at the pitcher, which she caught perfectly.

 

“Nice try. Now you go shower, while I go downstairs and make a sandwich, cause I’m fucking starving. Raven made Bellamy drive her straight home and we didn’t stop to get something to eat.”

 

“And what about you? Do you want something for your arm?”

 

“Nah. Once you’re done with your shower, I’ll go in after you. Heat my arm up in there. This baby’s gotta take us to the state championship.” Octavia flexed her right arm proudly.

 

Octavia smiled. “Then we’ll get ready together, alright? I’ve practically got half the dresser and closet to myself.”

 

Lexa nodded. She stood up and went to her closet to grab a clean towel. Octavia got up and headed to the door, making her way to the stairs.

 

“Octavia?”

 

Octavia paused in the doorway and looked back at Lexa who was clutching her towel at her side.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Lexa bit her lip. “Thank you.”

 

Octavia grinned at her friend. “Hey, what are friends for?” Then she walked out of the doorway and down the stairs, leaving Lexa alone in her room.

 

Lexa took several deep breaths. She swung the towel around her neck and moved towards the bathroom.

 

She was going to a party tonight. A party that Clarke Griffin invited her to. Lexa hadn’t felt this nervous in a while.

 

 

\--

 

 

Clarke opened her door just in time for Raven to rush through, almost running her over.

 

“Alright, you were really vague in you texts. So lay it on me.”

 

Raven walked over to the living room and plopped down on the couch, laying her legs across the length of it. Clarke followed and pushed her friend’s legs off to sit beside her.

 

“First of all, I’m pissed at you and Octavia. You guys completely blindsided me!”

 

“Hey, I don’t see it as a blindside. I see it as a very strategic move in the game of life.”

 

Clarke grabbed a pillow from behind her back and turned to hit Raven in the face with it.

 

“Oww. Uncalled for, Griffin!” Raven laughed, grabbing the pillow and hugging it to her chest.

 

“You deserved it.”

 

Raven smiled, smug at the accusation.

 

Clarke looked down at her lap and sighed. She began tracing circles on her thighs, not finding the words. While she was irritated at Raven for leaving her on her own with the _one_ person who made her want to hide in nervousness, she did have to thank her. Clarke could’ve easily seen herself not speaking to Lexa for the rest of the year with the rate she went out. She just didn’t want to give Raven the satisfaction of being right.

 

“Judging by your silence and far off stare, I’m assuming you and Lexa had mind-blowing sex in the trainer’s office.”

 

Clarke’s head snapped up, blood rushing to her face. “I’m so close to kicking you out.”

 

“But, then you wouldn’t have anyone to tell you how awesome and right I always am.” Raven stated. “So explain. What happened after me and O walked away?”

 

Looking back at the time she had spent with Lexa, it almost felt like a dream. That could be partly blamed on the fact that she was pretty much concussed and her vision was briefly fuzzy. But in a way, she was completely transfixed on the girl. Though she was almost silent most of the time, her body language spoke volumes.

 

“It was a little strange. She- we- didn’t talk that much except for our names, her asking about my head, and the occasional ‘Don’t die.’” Clarke let out a small laugh. “I don’t really know. She can joke, that’s for sure. And she has this tiny smile-”

 

Raven put up her hand to stop her friend. “Wait. You’re telling me that Lexa can actually express humor. And smile.” She sat there dumbfounded.

 

“Yeah, she did.” Clarke answered, confused. She brushed off Raven’s comment.

 

“You and Octavia texted me about asking her when I was getting looked at by her coach. I asked and she said yeah, though she agreed under the excuse of looking after me and my concussion. Then she drove me home.”

 

“I feel like you’re leaving out a lot of hot details.”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Clarke glared at her.

 

“Fine! But do you see what a little push can do? Now the Captain is coming to my party tonight where you will sweep her off her feet and have that mind-blowing sex I mentioned earlier.”

 

“Fuck, Raven! I just started talking to her _today_.”

 

“Alright, alright, too soon. But know, whatever starts because of today, you have to thank me and O.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Clarke leaned back onto the couch and stretched her legs on Raven’s lap, relaxing into the cushions. She took out her phone and looked through her contacts, settling on the one that made her heart flutter. _Lexa Woods_. Clarke still couldn’t believe that today had happened and it still wasn’t over. Lexa was coming tonight. It seemed surreal.

 

Raven interrupted her thoughts. “So, what are you gonna wear?”

 

“Shit.”

 

 

\--

 

 

Raven drove Clarke back to her own house to set up for the party. Bellamy and Lincoln had already let themselves in, bringing in cases and handles of alcohol.

 

Lincoln was Bellamy’s best friend since grade school and now the two went to the same college. Raven had informed Clarke of Octavia’s long-standing crush on him one drunken night, to which Octavia responded by pushing Raven off a bed. Lincoln and Octavia had been dancing around their feelings for one another for a while, also not knowing how to deal with Bellamy.

 

Jasper and Monty arrived to help set up too, but they mostly played with the silly string in a can they brought. Bellamy confiscated it when they sprayed it on his car.

 

Raven placed a bowl for the car keys of everyone who was drinking and handed out wristbands for all the designated drivers. Raven had fixed a lot of damaged cars and in that time, seen what a stupid decision could lead to.

 

After getting everyone’s keys, the party was in full swing. Tons of people crowded Raven’s house, cups in hand. The music was blasting from the speakers in the living room, teens filling the living room to dance.

 

Clarke had a seat in Raven’s kitchen, perched on the countertop. After much deliberation between Raven and her, she had changed into a sleeveless blouse and tight jeans. She vowed not to drink tonight, partly because she wanted to stay on the safe side with her head and partly because she didn’t want to make a fool of herself in front of Lexa. Not when this was the first time she would be around her outside of school. And outside of a medical trauma.

 

She had her phone out, checking every other minute to see if Lexa had texted her.

 

“She’ll be here. Stop getting so worked up.”

 

Clarke looked up and saw Bellamy reaching next to her towards the bucket filled with beers. He was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, his curly hair almost to his cheeks.

 

“And you know who you’re talking about because?”

 

He smiled, using the countertop to uncap his beer. “Octavia and Raven may have told me when I picked them up today.”

 

“Of course they did. And screw you, I’m not getting worked up.” What else did she expect from her friends.

 

“Hey. If it makes it any better, I’m rooting for you.”

 

She lifted her eyebrow at him. “Thanks, Bellamy. That makes me feel really special.”

 

He winked and tipped his beer in her direction. “Sarcasm. Suits you.” Then he walked past the door of the kitchen, getting lost in the crowd.

 

Clarke frowned at the thought of Lexa not actually coming. Technically, they’d only known each other for one day. Not even a full one at that. She only had _just_ met her because she had hit her on the head with that baseball. Maybe Clarke had been to forward. Maybe Octavia couldn’t convince her to come. Maybe Lexa felt too uncomfortable.

 

A couple had eventually found their way into the kitchen and proceeded to start making out near the countertop next to Clarke. “Great.” She hopped off and tried avoiding the two who were practically eating each other’s faces.

 

She exited the kitchen and turned left into the hallway. To her right was the staircase to the second floor. She was afraid to go up and see who was already occupying the rooms. She was entirely too sober for that.

 

Suddenly, Raven appeared next to her. Her face was flushed and she had a megawatt grin on her face. She was clearly drunk. “Hey, Clarke! Is El Capitán here yet?”

 

Clarke sighed and shook her head. “No. I’m starting to think she’s not coming tonight. I mean, why would she? She barely knows me and I made such a fool out of myself asking her. This was such a bad idea.”

 

Raven shut her eyes and started shaking her head. “Woah, slow down there Griffin. I’m way too intoxicated for you to be talking that fast.”

 

Clarke took her friend by the shoulders and turned her to face her straight on. “She’s. Not. Going. To. Show.” Clarke dragged every word out to her friend, enunciating as slowly as she could.

 

“Who’s not going to show?”

 

Clarke and Raven turned their heads at the same time to face Octavia, dressed in a short black dress. Clarke couldn’t help the feeling of disappointment at not seeing Lexa beside her. Well, that settled it.

 

Raven let out a laugh. “Oh you know, the Cap-“

 

Just then, Lexa appeared behind Octavia. “I’m sorry, Octavia. I was just finishing up parking the car.” She walked beside her friend and looked at Clarke. “Hello, Clarke.”

 

Clarke felt her throat dry up. Lexa had cleaned up after her practice session. Cleaned up _really_ well. Her hair was put up in a bun with a couple of loose strands framing her face. She was dressed in a navy blue button up, the top few undone, and black pants that looked like they were painted on. And once again, Lexa said her name with such confidence that made Clarke melt.

 

 

“Uh, hey, Lexa.” Clarke’s words came out a jumbled mess. She wanted to smack herself in the face.

 

“How’s your head feeling?”

 

Clarke beamed. “Better! I iced and reapplied. So much, I actually think I got brain freeze.”

 

Tic.

 

Tic.

 

Tic. 

 

Raven snorted.

 

Her smile slowly went down. Did she really just make that joke?

 

Lexa didn’t express anything. Just nodded at her answer.

 

Now the four were left in an awkward silence. The only sound was the music blasting loudly around them and the background talking. A few seconds went by. Clarke couldn’t find one thing to say to save her life. Lexa had just shown up and Clarke was already embarrassing herself.

 

Octavia noticed the awkward pause and clapped her hands together. “Well, I need a drink.” She looked beside Clarke. “Raven. Lead the way?”

 

Raven let out a relieved breath. “Most definitely!” She took Octavia’s hand and began to lead her through the crowd of people blocking the hallway to the kitchen doorway. Octavia sent a questioning glance to Lexa.

 

Lexa gave a small wave. “I’m good.”

 

Now it was just the two of them in the packed hallway. Clarke tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach.

 

“Do-“

 

“Are-“

 

They both spoke up. Clarke laughed and ran her hands through her hair. Lexa motioned for her to continue.

 

“I was going to ask if you wanted to move to the living room. I think some people cleared out to go get more drinks.”

 

Lexa nodded again. “Sure.”

 

Clarke led them through to the living room, where the group that was occupying the three-seated couch had left. She let Lexa pick her spot first; the farthest seat, letting one arm drape on the armrest. Clarke didn’t want to push any boundaries or make Lexa uncomfortable so she sat a reasonable distance away from her. But damn, she really wanted to be close to this girl.

 

“Are you enjoying your night so far, Clarke?” Lexa had to raise her voice because the music was still on.

 

She turned her body to face the baseball player. She brought one leg up, crossing it over the other. “Yeah, it’s good. I’m usually not sober at these things though.”

 

“Well then you should make sure not to run into anymore baseballs.” She said, amused.

 

Clarke smirked at her. “Well maybe _you_ should work on your aim.”

 

Lexa turned away and Clarke was sure she saw a hint of a smile, before she turned back.

 

“Well here I am, doing my civil duty to look after you.”

 

The bass of the music echoed in the living room. But Clarke could swear she could hear her own heartbeat over the sound of whatever song was on. She wanted to keep the conversation going, hoping it wouldn’t get awkward. So she asked the first thing that popped into her head.

 

“So what got you into baseball?”

 

Lexa answered, “My Uncle Gustus. I was 8 years old when he first put a bat in my hand.”

 

“Young, huh?”

 

Lexa nodded. “And you? How old were you when your love for art took over?”

 

Clarke tilted her head at the statement. “How’d you know I like art?”

 

“You came into history several times with paint on your face.”

 

Clarke’s face went red in embarrassment. She silently cursed her classmates for not pointing that out. But her heart raced at the thought that Lexa had noticed.

 

“Clarke!”

 

Clarke turned her head to see Bellamy standing next to the couch. She wanted to hit him for interrupting. He gestured to the seat on her left. She scooted over to make more room for him, but in doing so, got closer to Lexa. They were about six inches away from each other now and Clarke felt like she was about to combust. Now she didn’t know if she wanted to kill Bellamy for interrupting them or thank him for making her move.

 

“Hello, Bellamy.” Lexa acknowledged him.

 

“Lexa! You made it. Hey, thanks for giving O a ride over here.”

 

“It was my pleasure.”

 

Bellamy lifted an arm and wrapped it around Clarke’s shoulder and hugged her close. He leaned in and whispered into her ear so he didn’t yell over the music. “I told you she’d show. I’m never wrong.”

 

It was only for a split second, but Clarke could swear she saw Lexa’s jaw tighten at Bellamy’s hug. Before Clarke could say anything, Jasper came out of nowhere and hopped on the armrest closest to Bellamy. His hair was messed up and what looked like a celery stick tangled in.

 

Jasper started shouting loudly at the group behind the couch, trying to get their attention.

 

Casting a quick glance at Lexa, Clarke could tell she was starting to become uncomfortable.

 

“Happy Break everyone!” He let out a yell of excitement, which got the crowd joining in. Soon loud whoops and shouts sounded around the house. Jasper raised both his arms at the yells that left his grip on his cup weak. The red cup fell, spilling the rest of its contents on Bellamy’s pants.

 

“Jasper!”

 

Bellamy tried to avoid getting as much as he could by pushing his body towards Clarke, which then caused Clarke to push right up against Lexa. Clarke’s back pressed against the baseball player’s arm. She gasped at the sudden contact and the feeling of the muscles behind her. She didn’t dare turn around to look at Lexa. Clarke’s heart hammered in her chest. She took a slow breath, scared that even the slightest movement would cause Lexa to move away.

 

And just like that, she felt the arm pull away. Lexa stood up quickly, causing Clarke to fall back slightly with Bellamy’s weight pushed against her. She instantly missed the contact.

 

“Lexa? You’re at a party?” Jasper asked confused, from his spot, now practically on Bellamy’s lap.

 

Lexa shot him a brief glance and then walked away.

 

“Shit.” Clarke didn’t want her to leave.

 

“Nice, man.” Bellamy pushed Jasper off his lap. He landed with a loud thud onto the floor.

 

Clarke stood up and followed Lexa who was making her way towards the kitchen.

 

“Hey Lexa, wait up.” She caught up with her in the hallway. She reached out and touched Lexa’s shoulder to get her attention. She turned around and was met with a look of uncertainty.

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.”

 

“Don’t be. Jasper can be a huge ass.”

 

"I realize that my absence would be noticed over time."

 

Clarke didn't want to overstep anything by asking about Lexa's not going out. She was here tonight, and that's what mattered right now. But an idea sparked in Clarke’s mind. Lexa didn’t want to be in a crowded area and Clarke just wanted to be with Lexa. “Follow me.”

 

Clarke outstretched her hand. Lexa looked at it, unsure. Clarke was about to pull it back, but then Clarke felt the warmest hand wrap around hers. Clarke didn’t like being cliché, but she swore she felt a spark on her fingertips. Lexa’s fingers were calloused, but soft in their touch. Clarke knew she just wanted to keep holding onto them for as long as she could.

 

Clarke guided them deeper into the hallway. They passed Octavia talking to Lincoln. She gave her a small, “Good luck,” before continuing on.

 

They reached the door that led to the backyard. Clarke opened the wooden door, the cold air hitting her bare arms. But she didn’t care. Clarke grinned.

 

“Tada!”

 

Lexa’s eyes met a giant trampoline in the middle of the backyard.

 

“Raven brought me over the weekend after she introduced me to everyone and we all camped out here.” Clarke began taking off her heels, ready to walk on the grass. Lexa mirrored her, taking off her oxfords.

 

“On the trampoline?”

 

“Yeah. It was a tight fit, but it was really nice out.”

 

Clarke gently tugged on Lexa’s hand. “C’mon.” They walked together towards the trampoline. Unfortunately, to get on, Clarke had to let go of Lexa’s hand. She was getting addicted to touching this girl.

 

Clarke quickly climbed on, throwing one leg over, then the other. She bounced a bit, before steadying herself. She stood up and looked at Lexa, who was still standing on the grass. “Jump on.”

 

“Let’s go Commander.” Clarke gave her a salute.

 

Lexa glared at her. “Captain.”

 

Clarke pursed her lips. “I like Commander better. More authority. ” Lexa scowled at her.

 

Lexa turned back and gave the trampoline a hard stare, almost like she was challenging it. Before Clarke could offer her another hand, Lexa gripped the ring of the trampoline and pushed herself up. She tucked her head into her body, somersaulting, and falling forwards onto her back. Her long legs flew up in the air as she landed. She bounced a couple of times before she stilled.

 

Clarke couldn’t help herself and laughed.

 

Lexa quickly recovered, fixing her button up which had become come untucked.

 

“I’m sorry, that was just really funny.”

 

Lexa made sure her hair was still in place. “I’m glad my humiliation amuses you.”

 

“Who knew the Commander of the Grounder’s could be so uncoordinated.”

 

Clarke grinned at the brunette and then began jumping. The material was cold on her feet, but she ignored it. She got about two feet into the air the first jump, only getting higher.

 

Lexa’s legs started wobbling. Clarke’s jumping was making her lose her balance and she couldn’t keep up. “Clarke…”

 

“You have to jump _with_ me, Lexa.” Clarke said from up in the air.

 

Lexa looked down at the trampoline and licked her lips. She bent her legs to begin to jump, but right at that second, Clarke came down. Lexa’s legs wobbled again and she lost her balance, once again, landing on her back.

 

Clarke laughed, clutching at her stomach. Lexa’s stare made her try to stop, but she just couldn’t. Her breath came out short as her laughs started to turn silent. Clarke was completely sober, but being around Lexa made her feel drunker than she’d ever been.

 

Lexa just stayed lying down. When Clarke’s laughs started coming down, she made her way over to her. “I didn’t know this would be really hard for you.”

 

“Are you done?”

 

“As long as you’re done falling down.”

 

Lexa shot her another glare. Clarke put her hands up in surrender. “Alright!”

 

When she decided that Lexa wasn’t about to stand up, Clarke took a seat right next to her. Then she lay down beside her. Both girls were lying about a foot away from each other, staring up at the sky. The music from inside the house was now an echoed bass heard from the backdoor Clarke left open. And there was just a quiet silence between them. Clarke couldn’t tell if it was the bass from the music or just her own heartbeat that was pounding away in her ears.

 

“You can’t really see the stars here, can you?” Clarke asked, breaking the silence.

 

“Not really. There are places though.” Lexa’s voice answered, a small quivering behind it. Clarke could hear sadness behind it. A story.

 

“Do you ever think about space? And how we’re seen from up there?”

 

“Do you always ask deep and philosophical questions the first day of officially meeting someone?” Lexa asked back.

 

Clarke smiled. “It’s a good way of getting to know them.”

 

Lexa raised her arm and pointed up at the sky. “My mother always used to tell me about the constellations. And the stories behind them. Right there.” She pointed to a specific spot in the sky. “You can just see a hint of Orion, no thanks to pollution…”

 

“Does you mom know all of them?”

 

Clarke could hear Lexa take in a short breath. She lowered her hand and stared at the sky.

 

“I don’t know. She never finished. My mother and father both passed when I was 8.”

 

Clarke felt her stomach drop at Lexa’s words. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s alright.” With that, Lexa seemed like closing off the topic of her parents. And Clarke didn’t want to push anymore then she already had.

 

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

“My dad died when I was twelve. He was killed breaking up a fight walking home one night. One guy had a knife.”

 

Clarke remembers hearing the news. She shut down and closed herself off from the world because, what was the point. _Her_ world had left her. She remembers her mother trying to repair them both from their breaking point. Trying to get Clarke to smile. It had taken some time, but she eventually did. Though the pain still sometimes bled through.

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke. He sounded like a brave man.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Clarke didn’t want this night to stay on this note of seriousness. So she tried changing the mood.

 

“Did you want to try jumping again?”

 

Lexa shook her head. “And subject myself to further humiliation? No thank you. I’m perfectly content lying down.” She put her hands behind her head, an amused expression on her face.

 

“Fine. We can stay looking up at a starless night sky, freezing to death.”

 

“It was your decision to come out here.”

 

“Touché.”

 

“This seems like the perfect place to bring Bellamy.”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa confused. “Bellamy?”

 

Lexa looked back at her, green eyes serious. “Aren’t you two together? While we were on the couch, you both-”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Oh god, no! No, he’s just a friend.”

 

Lexa turned her head back and stared back at the sky. “Oh.”

 

Clarke slowly turned her head away too, a small ounce of glee flowing through her. Was Lexa jealous?

 

Another wave of silence washed over them. But this time it was still and comforting. Like nothing could touch them in this moment.

 

Clarke discretely turned her head to face Lexa. She looked at the girl who was still staring intently at the night sky. Lexa’s eyes were wide and wondering. Clarke wasn’t trying to be creepy by staring, but this girl was so beautiful. Clarke had seen a lot of pretty people in her life. She had dated a couple. But right now: Lexa, looking up at the few stars in the sky, was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

 

Lexa broke the silence. “Distance.”

 

“Hm?”

 

Lexa continued looking up at the sky. “When I think of space. There’s just distance.”

 

Suddenly they heard footsteps come out the backdoor.

 

“You guys have been out here for a while, and I just wanted to make sure you’re not both dead.”

 

They both sat up on their elbows and turned to see Octavia at the doorway. “Also, Monroe’s currently undefeated at the beer pong table, and Captain, you’d be _very_ proud of your shortstop.”

 

Lexa arched her eyebrow.

 

“We’re fine, thank you Octavia. Also remind Monroe that we have training soon. And not Coach’s, but mine as well.”

 

Octavia groaned from her spot at the door. She turned and began walking back inside. “Captain Buzzkill, more like it…”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh.

 

“You schedule your own practice’s for the team?”

 

Lexa nodded. “It keeps them on their toes. But it’s nothing they can’t handle.”

 

Clarke couldn’t help feeling a little turned on at the power Lexa had. Her body shivered. But at the cold or from Lexa, Clarke didn’t know.

 

“I think that’s our cue to go back inside.”

 

While Clarke wanted to be alone with Lexa, she did forget to bring a jacket.

 

They both made their way to the edge of the trampoline, Clarke threatening Lexa with jumping to make her fall over a couple of times. But Lexa quickly hopped off onto the grass.

 

Clarke was about to throw her legs over when Lexa offered her hand up.

 

“Thanks.” Clarke placed her hand into Lexa’s and was once again met with warmth. She smiled as she stepped off the trampoline.

 

Their hands dropped away from each other as they walked over to the doorway where they had left their shoes. They put them on in a comfortable silence.

 

“Shall we?” Lexa motioned at the entrance to the crowded hallway.

 

Clarke took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

 

 

\--

 

 

After about another hour filled with watching their friends rule the beer pong table and dancing with drunken teenagers, they were done. And Raven called it.

 

She stood on top of the coffee table in the middle of her living room and cupped her hands around her mouth.

 

“Alright everyone! Party is over! Get out. If you’re wasted like I am, make your way to a D.D. and have a safe trip home. Or crash on the floor.”

 

Some people let out groans at Raven. But most began shuffling their way into the hallway in front of the door. A few couples made their way down the stairs, brushing past Lexa and Clarke. “Good thing Raven locked her room.” Clarke murmured.

 

Raven hopped off the table and made her way to the two who were standing at the bottom step.

 

“Clarke, you can sleepover if you want, though you’re completely sober. Good job with that.”

 

“Thanks? And yeah, I’ll take you up on that.”

 

Raven turned to the baseball player. “Lexa?”

 

Lexa lifted her arm to show Raven her wristband. “I’ll be driving Monroe and Octavia home.”

 

“Alright. Make sure they get home safe.”

 

“With my life.”

 

Raven walked away to help the crowd of people trying to divide themselves out for the drivers.

 

Clarke turned to Lexa. “Do you want help getting them to the car?”

 

“I couldn’t ask you to-”

 

“Stop. Besides, I think Monroe’s already snoring so you’re gonna need the help.”

 

Lexa peeked over the staircase to the living room and saw Monroe curled up with a pillow, drool dripping from her mouth.

 

“Point taken.”

 

While Lexa looked for Octavia, Clarke was tasked with trying to wake up Monroe. Which was proving rather difficult when she was groaning about ‘defending her ship from savages’.

 

But she eventually woke her up enough to lead her outside and across the street to Lexa’s car. Monroe leaned up against the car and continued to mumble about mountains and bad weather.

 

Lexa continued looking throughout the house, wondering where Octavia could have been. It wasn’t until she opened the upstairs bathroom door that she found her.

 

With her dress ridden up.

 

And pressed against the sink.

 

Making out with Lincoln.

 

Her legs wrapped around Lincoln. Who had his shirt off.

 

They immediately pulled away at the sight of Lexa standing in the doorway, her eyes wide. “Well I see you two finally figured something out.”

 

Octavia pulled her dress down and began fixing her hair.

 

Lincoln quickly found his shirt on the floor and put it on. He opened his mouth, about to speak when Lexa cut him off.

 

“I won’t say anything to Bellamy. That’s for the two of you to deal with.”

 

“Thanks, Lexa.”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“Come on, Octavia. I’m driving you home.”

 

Octavia nodded and walked out of the bathroom, but not before giving Lincoln a kiss on the cheek.

 

He was left in the bathroom with a smile as the two girls walked away.

 

The two baseball players were met with a small breeze as they exited Raven’s house. Clarke was already waiting for them at the car with Monroe sitting on the street beside her.

 

“I found Octavia.”

 

“Great. Where were you?”

 

Octavia sent an unsure glance at Lexa.

 

“She was writing on Bellamy’s face. He passed out in the downstairs bathroom.”

 

Clarke laughed. “Nice.” She turned her back to the two to reach for Monroe.

 

Octavia mouthed Lexa a small thank you. She gently pushed Octavia with a smile on her face.

 

Lexa pulled out her keys and unlocked the car. They all helped put Monroe in the backseat and buckled her seatbelt. She maintained a few seconds of consciousness before falling back asleep. Octavia made her way around and got into the passenger seat, giving Lexa her privacy. She just knew things…

 

Lexa opened her own door and turned to Clarke who was holding it open from the other side.

 

“Thank you for tonight, Clarke. I had fun.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Clarke wanted to walk around the door and give her a hug goodbye or _something_. Everything in her body was screaming at her to, but she stayed in place. “Drive safe.”

 

Lexa smiled at her. “I will. Have a good night.”

 

And with that, Lexa got inside her car and closed the door. She turned on the ignition and quickly turned to check on Monroe in the back seat. Octavia had leaned up against the passenger window and already fallen asleep.

 

Lexa turned her head to Clarke. She gave a small wave and then drove off down the street.

 

Clarke walked into the middle of the empty street and watched at the lights slowly moved away. She watched as the car turned the corner onto another street and disappeared completely.

 

Clarke could no longer feel the breeze on her arm. She was filled with warmth that spread throughout her body. Clarke was just warm. And smiling. Her face was beginning to hurt from the number of times her lips turned upward. Tonight had been everything and more.

 

She spared one final glance at the street Lexa had driven down. “Goodnight.” Then she walked back to Raven’s house, ready to fall sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :)  
> And if you want, come say hi to me at clexuh.tumblr.com


	3. Santa's Got A Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are all awesome! Here's chapter three!

Clarke opened her eyes slowly, the sunlight streaming into the bedroom. She could feel Raven pressed against her back, still fast asleep. So she stayed still, letting her friend sleep a little longer until she woke up with her hangover.

 

Clarke’s head ran through everything that happened. The first thing she noticed was her head feeling better and the bump from yesterday going down. She thanked herself for not drinking last night or she would’ve woken up with a terrible hangover. The second thought was Lexa and her eyes widened.

 

Lexa.

 

Last night almost felt like a dream. From jumping on the trampoline and acting like little kids to sharing and talking to each other as they stared at the stars. Lexa hadn’t completely opened up with her, but she sure started to. And in a way, Lexa began the start of something. A friendship? Whatever it was, it felt warm. Was it bad that she wanted to see the baseball captain again soon? Clarke grabbed the pillow that was next to her and hugged it close. She pressed her face into it and smiled, just letting the happiness flow through her.

 

She felt Raven begin to stir, so Clarke turned and sat up. Raven raised her head to look up at Clarke, her eyes narrow and a frown on her face. Her hair was sticking up in every direction and Clarke had to hold back a laugh.

 

“Fuck.”

 

“How’s your head?”

 

Raven didn’t answer and just grabbed the comforter and raised it over her head, cuddling into Clarke’s side.

 

“I’ll take that as a horrible.”

 

A muffled, “Fuck off,” came from under the sheets. Clarke couldn’t hold it in and let out a soft chuckle.

 

“What time is it?”

 

Clarke grabbed her phone from the floor. But before she could register the time, she saw a text from Lexa from last night. She felt a ball of nervousness work her way into her stomach. She quickly unlocked her phone.

 

**Lexa Woods 2:46 AM- Octavia and Monroe are home safe. Goodnight, Clarke.**

 

“A-almost noon.” Clarke answered Raven. She was relieved her friends made it home safe. Then she reread the last part again.

 

_Goodnight, Clarke._

Clarke smiled from ear to ear. Fuck, she was in deep already. Her heart was beating really fast _just_ from a simple text from Lexa telling her goodnight. Then the thought crossed her mind. Should she text her back? Would she even be awake? What would she even text back?

 

Clarke shook her head, trying to make up her mind. She decided to text back.

 

**Clarke Griffin 11:53 AM- Morning Lexa! I’m glad you guys all made it home safe! :)**

 

That seemed like a good response. She sent the message and waited a couple minutes, her heart racing. But she didn’t answer back. Lexa was probably still asleep. So Clarke locked her phone and sat up. She’d just let her phone be and not torture herself by waiting for a simple text.

 

Raven let out a groan from underneath the blankets as Clarke started getting out of the bed. Raven reached out from her cocoon trying to pull Clarke back in. 

 

“Nooo. Too early. And you’re really warm.”

 

Clarke pulled away, “C’mon dumbass. I’ll make breakfast.”

 

Raven stilled. “Pancakes?” She asked in a small voice.

 

Clarke sighed. “Sure.” There were a couple of things Clarke could actually cook and one of her specialties were her pancakes.

 

Raven stuck her head out from underneath the sheets like a turtle and smiled.

 

“I love you.”

 

Clarke shook her head and stood up from the bed, a small chill hitting her bare legs. The shorts and shirt she borrowed from Raven didn’t really help her stay warm.

 

“Hey, Raven. Sweats?”

 

“Bottom drawer.”

 

Clarke walked over and grabbed a pair of faded gray sweat pants and changed into them before heading towards the door. “Be down in five or I’m coming back up to get you.” She called over her shoulder.

 

Raven let out a small grunt in reply.

 

As Clarke walked down the stairs, she noticed there was still a huge mess left over from the party. Cups and bottles littered the floor along with a lot of silly string. Jasper and Monty must have found where Bellamy hid the cans. Clarke quickly scanned the living room. It didn’t look like there was anything broken. Anyone who slept over on the floor already had left. _Thanks for the help cleaning up,_ she thought. She turned into the kitchen and saw more bottles covering the countertops. She grabbed a trash bag from one of the cabinets and began throwing the empty bottles away.

 

“Morning. Octavia leave with Lexa?” She turned towards the voice and saw Bellamy standing in the doorway, his hand rubbing his temple.

 

“Afternoon is more like it. And yeah. Lexa was a D.D and drove her and Monroe. They all got home safe.”

 

He nodded and let out a loud yawn.

 

“Bad hangover?”

 

He nodded again. “I took some aspirin already so it’s not too bad.” He looked at the bag in Clarke’s hand. “Want some help?”

 

“Yeah. I’m just doing the kitchen right now so I can make breakfast.”

 

“Please tell me-”

 

“Yes, I’m making pancakes. Raven’s request.”

 

Bellamy grinned and grabbed a bag of his own. After the countertops were clear, they began wiping them down. Clarke learned in the worst way that they were all completely sticky when she tried sitting on one to rest.

 

Raven eventually came down, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She didn’t say anything and just grabbed a stool and sat by the island in the kitchen. Bellamy walked over and handed her a glass of water and an aspirin.

 

“You guys are the best.”

 

“We know.” Clarke grabbed all the necessary ingredients to make the pancakes and got to work. Bellamy pulled up a stool of his own and sat next to Raven, who had her forehead down on the counter.

 

“Did everyone leave?”

 

“Yeah. I’d say last night was a success.” Bellamy commented.

 

“Best way to start break.” Raven replied, her head still down.

 

Clarke began whisking together all the ingredients in a bowl until she ended up with a nice batter. “It was really fun.” Clarke chimed in.

 

“That’s cause you were drunk on a certain baseball captain.” Raven looked up and smirked at the blonde. “Oh, Bellamy, you should’ve seen Clarke when Lexa showed up. I could’ve sliced the awkwardness with a fucking knife.”

 

Clarke shot her a glare. “I wasn’t that awkward.”

 

Raven raised her eyebrows.

 

“I was just really nervous, alright?” She turned back to the stove and turned on the gas, lighting a flame. She poured the batter out onto a pan, careful not to spill any.

 

“Did you sleep with her?” Raven asked.

 

Clarke froze at the comment. After a split second recovery, she put down the bowl and quickly grabbed a plastic spoon and scooped up a bit of batter. She then proceeded to use it as a catapult and hit Raven directly in the face with the pancake batter. Bellamy sat there wide eyed as the batter dripped down Raven’s face onto the counter. He stifled back his laughter at her shocked expression.

 

“You deserved that.” Clarke turned back to flip the pancakes.

 

Raven licked her lips and shook her head. “You’ll pay for that later, Griffin.” She used her finger to clean off her face, eating the batter.

 

“And no, I didn’t. We just hung out.”

 

“Considering that I didn’t see you guys for practically the whole night, what am I supposed to think?”

 

“Think like a decent human being?” Clarke sighed. “I got to know her a little more. We went out onto the trampoline and just talked.”

 

Opened up to each other was a better description. In a way, it was a private moment between the two of them. And Clarke wanted to keep everything to herself, just for a bit longer.

 

“Ahh the trampoline. Best purchase my mom ever made. I’m glad it helped you out, my young padawan.”

 

Clarke flipped the pancakes onto a plate and walked them over to the island. She placed the stack in front of a beaming Bellamy. “You’re the best, princess.” He hopped off the stool and went to get the maple syrup and butter.

 

“Hey! Why does he get the first batch?” Raven frowned.

 

“Punishment for the sex comment.” Clarke countered.

 

“I take back what I said about you guys being the best. You suck.” Raven pressed her forehead down again; pulling the blanket that was around her over her head. Bellamy happily dug into his pancakes as Raven refused to watch.

 

Clarke laughed from her place at the stove and continued making more pancakes. When she made enough for a couple of stacks for her and Raven, she walked them over and placed both plates on the counter. Raven looked up, the biggest smile on her face. Clarke grabbed another stool and sat down to eat breakfast with her two friends. They ate mostly in silence, just enjoying the taste of the food, except Raven who let out a couple of moans during the first couple of bites.

 

“Hey, Christmas is next week. Have you guys done your shopping yet?” Bellamy pointed out as he took a break from eating to grab the orange juice from the refrigerator.

 

“Shit. I haven’t.” Clarke answered. Christmas was actually one of Clarke’s favorite holidays. But she had been so busy studying for midterms and finishing her piece for the winter showcase that she had completely forgotten to go out and buy everyone’s presents. Her and her mom hadn’t even decorated their house much except for their tree.

 

“No worries. Neither have I. We can go shopping together later today.” Raven smiled at her. “And since it’s your first Christmas with us, we get to let you in on our special tradition.”

 

“What tradition?”

 

Bellamy cut in and explained. “Basically, all of us get together sometime during Christmas Eve and get drunk and exchange presents. Jasper and Monty dress up as Santa and an elf for some reason too. Not sure when that part started though…”

 

“Alright that sounds like fun.”

 

“It is. Last year though, spin the bottle was involved and someone ended up throwing it out the window.”

 

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Woah.”

 

“Yeah. But also, don’t let Jasper get you with the mistletoe. He’s a sneaky little asshole and does it every year.” Bellamy pointed out.

 

Clarke nodded, not surprised at the warning. She expected something like that from the junior. “So that means six days to buy presents.”

 

“Or make something. It’s needs to have heart, Ms. Griffin.” Raven imitated Mr. Roman when he stopped them in the hallway, waving her fork around.

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the impression and for the reminder of her final project. But she quickly put the thought to the back of her mind for another day. Christmas was going to take up most of her time. Then she thought-

 

“Wait, Raven. You said yesterday that your mom was going to be gone all week. Are you going to be alone on Christmas Day?” Clarke asked, concerned that Raven would have to spend the holiday by herself.

 

Raven shrugged. “Yeah, that’s why this place it pretty bare with the decorations. Mom’s usually gone for the holidays. I usually spend it at Octavia and Bellamy’s.”

 

Bellamy nodded. “And the invite still stands.”

 

“Did you want to spend Christmas Day with me and my mom? I mean, it’s our first time spending it here and we’d love to have you.” Clarke offered. Raven was her first friend here and quickly became her best. And Abby knew how important Raven was to Clarke. There was no way she would say no to Raven celebrating with them.

 

Raven looked at Clarke, touched at the offer. “Are you sure?”

 

Clarke nodded vigorously. “Absolutely.”

 

Raven smiled at her best friend, her voice of a bit shaky. “Then yeah, that’d be awesome. Thanks, Clarke.”

 

Clarke put her hand on Raven’s shoulder and rubbed it softly. Raven bashfully stuffed her mouth with more pancakes and just smiled, her mouth full. She motioned with her fork to the living room, changing the subject.

 

“The living room? Yeah, you’re helping us with that mess, Raven.”

 

Raven swallowed her pancakes. “Yeah I know. How bad is it?”

 

Clarke grimaced. “Bottles, cups, a lot of silly string.”

 

“Those bastards.” Bellamy muttered as he quickly stood up and opened one of the cabinets. “I hid those cans behind all this stuff. How the fuck did they find them?”

 

“Didn’t hide them very well it looks like.” Raven whispered to Clarke.

 

They finished up eating the pancakes, stuffed and smiling. Bellamy offered to wash the dishes as Raven and Clarke began tackling the living room.

 

“Well that’s interesting.” Clarke turned around from cleaning behind a couch to see Raven holding up a bra. Raven wiggled her eyebrows. “Someone got busy.” She laughed and threw it into a bag of other clothes they had found lying around the entire house. It was really surprising; the amount of clothing people took off at parties and _what_ they took off. After 20 minutes, they had found two bras, five individual socks, three hats, and a pair of boxers that they refused to touch. They left that one to Bellamy who picked them up with a pair of tongs, which they washed immediately after. The tongs, not the boxers.

 

After an hour of cleaning, the entire house resembled how it did before the party. The recycling and trash bags were taken out into the backyard until pickup day. All the dishes were washed, dried and put away. Carpets were vacuumed and tables were scrubbed. And bathrooms were thoroughly cleaned and bleached. The bathrooms were the biggest task and Bellamy and Raven almost puked at some of the things they found in them.

 

The three sat on the couches in the living room, exhausted. Bellamy took the biggest couch and lay down, his arm thrown over his eyes. Clarke leaned against Raven as they sat watching a random channel on the television just letting the noise relax them.

 

Bellamy’s ringtone rang out. He groaned as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

 

“Hello? Yeah sure.”

 

Clarke looked at Bellamy. “Is that Octavia?” He nodded. “Ask her if she wants to come Christmas shopping with me and Raven later today.”

 

He relayed the question. “She says yeah.”

 

“I can take us in my mom’s car.” Raven mumbled as she shifted to lie down and put her head on Clarke’s lap. “Tell her to be ready in two hours.”

 

“Cool, cause I have work soon. O, be ready by 4:30. Raven and Clarke got you. Kay. Bye.” Bellamy hung up the phone and sat up. “Well, this has been fun and all, but I’m going to go.”

 

Raven just raised her hand and gave him a thumbs up.

 

“She means thanks for helping us clean, Bellamy.” Clarke told him. “We’ll see you later.”

 

“No problem.” He gave them one last smile before getting his keys from the bowl beside the door and leaving.

 

Clarke ran her hand through Raven’s hair, massaging her scalp. “C’mon, Raven. You have to shower and then drive me to my house first so I can grab some clothes.”

 

Raven let out a small groan. “Two more minutes.” She pleaded, adjusting her head on Clarke’s lap.

 

Clarke sighed. “Fine.” And because she’s a sucker, she continued playing with Raven’s hair for _five_ minutes.

 

\--

 

 

After Raven finished showering and getting dressed, they left for Clarke’s house so she could do the same. When they got there, Clarke found a note from her mom explaining that her shift at the hospital was going to run late tonight and that she made dinner that was in the refrigerator. Clarke showered and dressed in jeans and a simple flannel and grabbed her purse.

 

She quickly texted her mom that she was going out with Raven and Octavia. After, she checked if there was still any message from Lexa. Nothing. Clarke didn’t want to feel disappointed. There wasn’t really anything Lexa could say back. But still, she wanted her to text back. Clarke pushed it to the back of her mind and ran through her list of people.

 

This was Clarke’s first Christmas away from home -no- at her new home and she wanted it to be special. Her mom had been extremely busy with her new job, and Clarke just wanted to remind her that she loved her so much. And she wanted to get everyone else a great gift as well, especially for welcoming her so warmly. The new friends she had made had rooted themselves in her life so easily and it felt nice. And now she got to spend one of her favorite holidays with them. She bounded down the stairs to meet Raven and gave her a warm smile.

 

“Someone’s in a good mood.”

 

Clarke shrugged. “I just feel happy.”

 

Raven raised an eyebrow at her friend and just shook her head. “Alright softy, let’s go grab Octavia and start this nightmare.” She pushed Clarke towards the front door, the blonde still with a smile on her face.

 

They drove to Octavia’s and saw that Bellamy’s car wasn’t there. He had probably already left for work. Clarke texted Octavia that they were outside and waited in the driveway. “I’m surprised Octavia could even wake up before five today.” Raven joked.

 

“You shouldn’t be talking. If it weren’t for me, you would’ve slept all day and your house would still be trashed.” Clarke stated from the passenger seat.

 

“True. Not even gonna fight that.”

 

They waited about five minutes until Octavia stepped out of the house in black jeans and a cardigan and walked towards the car. “What’s up my bitches?”

 

Clarke noticed that Octavia had something behind her back. She narrowed her eyes, but didn’t say anything yet.

 

“How was your morning? Puke a lot?” Raven asked.

 

“Oh yeah a fuck load. Luckily, I didn’t throw up until I got home and _not_ in Lexa’s car. She would’ve killed me.”

 

Clarke perked up at the mention of the baseball captain.

 

“No she wouldn’t have. That girl fucking loves you like a sister.” Raven commented as Octavia got in the backseat.

 

“True. She just would’ve made me run a shit load at practice.” Octavia moved the hand that was behind her back and Clarke heard a rustling of a plastic bag.

 

“Alright, what’s behind your back, Octavia?” Clarke asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.

 

Octavia leaned between the two front seats with a grin on her face. “We’re going Christmas shopping, right?”

 

Raven groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t. We’re getting too old for this.”

 

Clarke sat there confused until Octavia pulled out two Santa hats and a pair of reindeer antlers from the bag she was hiding. “I brought something for Clarke too!”

 

Clarke just laughed as Raven turned her body and let her head fall on the steering wheel. “Raven, c’mon.” Clarke grabbed one of the Santa hats from Octavia and placed it on Raven’s head. It took some adjusting because Raven wasn’t budging, but Clarke eventually got it on. And she laughed even louder than before. She quickly took out her phone and that is what got Raven to react.

 

“Oh hell no!” But Raven was too late in reaching the phone and Clarke snapped several pictures of her annoyed face with the red hat matching her anger.

 

Octavia beamed at her friends. She handed Clarke the reindeer antlers, which she gladly accepted. She put them on and looked at herself in the mirror, now wanting a red nose to wear as well. Octavia put on her own Santa hat and sat back in the seat.

 

“Now we’re ready. Let’s do this, fuckers.”

 

Raven turned on the ignition and drove out of the driveway. “You’re lucky that I love you assholes.”

 

Clarke and Octavia just grinned at each other and started taking more pictures.

 

“Do not put those on snapchat!” Raven yelled.

 

\--

 

 

They arrived at the mall 15 minutes later and Raven wanted to smack her head on the steering wheel again at the insanity that was the parking lot. Cars were beeping all over the lot, some not even moving anywhere. Some drivers were shouting out of their car windows, fighting over spots. The amount of people that waited until the last minute to Christmas shop was overwhelming.

 

“Alright peasants. Assignment. Scan the area and locate a spot.” Raven stated in a commanding voice.

 

“Aye aye, sir.” Octavia mock-saluted her and stared out the back windows. Clarke looked from the passenger seat, scanning any nearby spots. After about 10 minutes, Clarke was ready to throw in the towel or at least find another lot. But before she could say anything, Raven let out a yell and accelerated the car forward.

 

“Ah!”

 

“Fuck, Raven!”

 

Clarke spotted the parking space that Raven was eyeing in the next aisle over. But there was a minivan already turning into it, aiming for the same space.

 

Raven sped up the car and turned it left, making a quick U-turn into the aisle. “Mine!” She yelled. Clarke and Octavia held on for dear life.

 

And then the car came to a halt as Raven turned the car into the space, cutting off the minivan. All of their seatbelts tightened at the sudden stop, causing them jerk back into their seats.

 

Raven turned her head to face the passing minivan and smirked. “Boom. That’s how getting a spot is fucking done.”

 

“And serious whiplash.” Octavia muttered from the back seat.

 

They all got out of the car and walked over to the nearest entrance. People of all ages were carrying bags and boxes of gifts. They were laughing and joking, one woman even singing all out Christmas carols.

 

“I have to say, it’s nice not having to walk around with a bunch of jackets and scarves around Christmas. It’s always in the 30s or below right now in D.C.”

 

“Thank god for California, right.” Raven looked up at the sky. “Winter but it’s still fucking warm.”

 

Octavia leaned over to Clarke as they walked. “Having an actual White Christmas is a dream of mine. Going to the mountains and hiking or snowboarding.”

 

“Have you ever tried?”

 

“Nah, can’t really afford to travel all that way. But maybe after graduation next year.” Octavia smiled at Clarke.

 

They reached the doors and paused. Raven took a deep breath. “Here we go.” And she pulled the door open. The first thing they were met with was the blasting of Christmas music, of course none other than Mariah Carey’s top holiday hit. Next, they were almost ran over by three toddlers trying to escape from their parents who were almost falling over with the amount of bags in their hands.

 

They quickly moved aside and hurried into the mall before they could get trampled. And it was chaos. People were walking and jogging, trying to get from store to store. Deeper in the mall, they could see a giant, decorated Christmas tree with ‘Santa Claus’ sitting underneath, a line of families with children waiting to sit on his lap. The mall was so crowded, Clarke almost had to link arms with her friends in fear of getting separated.

 

“Alright. Game plan. Anyone got one?” Raven asked, trying to lead them to a seating area near some kiosks. They sat down, squished in between an elderly couple and a man who was taking up way too much room with his legs.

 

“Since we’re all together, we can’t shop for each other. You wanna split up for a bit?” Octavia offered.

 

“The mall closes at 10 PM so we have less than five hours. How about we shop for everyone else right now and then just meet up for dinner at the food court at 8:30?”

 

“Clarke’s got a point. We can also make sure we don’t get people the same thing when we meet up.” Raven stood up. “Let’s start with the eldest of the Blake’s, shall we?” She turned and looked down at Octavia.

 

Octavia slumped her shoulders. “So basically you’re asking me what to get my brother?”

 

“Hey, you’ve known him your whole life.” Raven shrugged. “Sibling obligation.”

 

Clarke stood next to Raven. “I already have an idea of what to get him, so it’s just Raven who needs your help.”

 

“Raven…” Octavia stood up and tried to ignore the brunette.

 

Raven stuck out her bottom lip, putting on her best pout. And with the Santa hat on, even Clarke had trouble resisting her. Octavia glanced at her and sighed. “He might’ve mentioned something about getting into Breaking Bad.”

 

Raven grinned and pumped her fist up. “Alright so a meth lab!” Octavia sent her a glare and turned to walk away. “Okay geez. Season 1 it is.”

 

“See you guys in like three hours. Don’t die!” Raven called out as they started splitting up. A few people turned their heads and stared at her after the comment.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and went to the mall directory and searched for the Barnes and Noble, ready to check off the first person on her list.

 

\--

After two and a half hours, Clarke had checked practically everyone off of her list. She carried several bags containing Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, and Lincoln’s gifts. For Bellamy, she had bought two books on Greek mythology she thought he’d enjoy. For Jasper: a couple of beanies and another can of silly string because he would definitely get a kick out annoying Bellamy again. For Monty: a nice cardigan. And finally for Lincoln: a new sketchbook. She’d come back later for Raven, Octavia, and her mom.

 

She descended the escalator and made her way to the food court. After climbing off the escalator something caught her eye in a store.

 

She crossed to the entrance and looked into the store window. Sitting behind the glass was a small telescope on its stand with a book open to show several constellations. Clarke studied the items and saw that the store was having a special on the telescope. Her mind immediately went to Lexa and her green eyes as they stared longingly at the sky last night on the trampoline. She remembered Lexa explaining how her mother never finished teaching her all of the constellations before she passed away. And something in Clarke wanted to help give Lexa that wish.

 

She bit her lip and quickly went inside the store. She found the nearest clerk and walked up to him. “Excuse me.”

 

He looked up at her and smiled. “Can I help you with anything?”

 

“Yes. That telescope in the window. Do you think it would be possible for you to put that on hold for me?”

 

He gave Clarke an unsure look. “I’m not sure. We could try, but since it is Christmas time, it might be difficult if someone else wants to buy it. The longest we could hold it would be two days, but if someone asks for it, there’s nothing I can do.”

 

Clarke brightened at the time frame. “That’s fine!” She reserved the telescope under her name and left the store to find the food court, her footsteps light. Clarke couldn’t help the excitement that coursed through her veins at the thought of Lexa receiving the telescope.

 

Raven and Octavia were already seated at a table, multiple bags occupying part of the table and other chairs. Clarke grabbed a chair and slid it next to Octavia.

 

“Someone’s happy.” Raven noticed.

 

“Food.” Clarke explained, hiding the actual reason. The telescope wasn’t for sure yet, so she waited to tell her friends. “I am starving.” Clarke let out as she sat down, putting her bags on the table.

 

Octavia smirked and uncovered a box of pepperoni pizza that was hidden by their bags. And with the Santa hat on, Octavia looked like a modern day Saint Nick, bringing the joy of pizza.

 

“Have I told you guys how much I love you lately?”

 

“Yeah, but a few more times couldn’t hurt.” They all grabbed several slices of pizza and began eating. Octavia tore through two slices and happily took another.

 

“Successful?” Clarke asked after swallowing, eyeing all of their shopping bags.

 

Raven grinned, her mouth full. She started rummaging through her bags. “Hell yeah. Check this out for Jasper.” She pulled out a t-shirt that said [MAY THE ‘Mass Times Acceleration’ BE WITH YOU].

 

Clarke laughed at the ridiculous Star Wars shirt. “He’s gonna love it.”

 

“Pretty proud of that one.”

 

As Octavia was about to take another bite of her pizza, her phone chimed. She took it out and looked down. “Fantastic,” she muttered under her breath.

 

“What’s up?” Raven asked with her mouth still filled with pizza.

 

Octavia put her phone away. “Lexa just texted everyone. Practice tomorrow at noon.”

 

Clarke looked up form her food at the sound of Lexa’s name.

 

“Ouch. Doesn’t your coach usually wait until after New Years or something?” Raven asked.

 

“Yeah, but Lexa doesn’t. She sets up her own practices for us. Which help, so I really shouldn’t be complaining. She just really wants to be prepared for this season.” Octavia let out a breath and turned to Clarke.

 

“Speaking of Lexa…Clarke. How’d last night go?” Octavia raised her eyebrows up and down and smirked. “When I checked on you two outside, you guys seemed comfy.”

 

Clarke opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

 

“Well that says a lot. I’m guessing really good from Lexa’s mood in the car.”

 

“Wait, what do you mean?” Clarke spoke up eagerly at Octavia’s comment.

 

“I wasn’t asleep that night in the car. Well, I was for like a minute. But, when we were driving to Monroe’s house, Lexa was smiling the entire way. And I know my best friend. She hasn’t smiled like that in a while.”

 

Clarke’s heart fluttered and warmth spread through her body, flowing all the way to her fingertips. “Really?” She instinctively beamed at the thought. Lexa smiled her entire ride home because of her. In a way, this made Lexa’s text that much more important. She was thinking of her the entire night. And Clarke wanted nothing more than to talk to the captain again.

 

What Clarke hadn’t noticed was Octavia eyeing her up and down, carefully studying her reaction. The baseball player smiled at Clarke who was still lost in her thoughts. Octavia crossed her arms and thought of Lexa. If there was anyone who had a chance at entering into Lexa’s life, Octavia knew Clarke would and try her best at making Lexa happy.

 

\--

 

Lexa’s breath came out short and harsh as she ran up the rocky terrain. She tightened the grips on Kaiser’s leash in one hand and her water bottle in the other as she sprinted. Kaiser was running next to her, his tongue lolling on the side of his mouth. Lexa could feel her calf muscles aching and lungs burning with every breath. She had her phone on an armband and music was blasting in her ears, helping motivate her.

 

They were close to reaching the top of her favorite trail at Runyon Canyon Park that would give them a great view of the city. Especially since the sun had already gone down, Lexa would see a few more stars then usually offered from below.

 

“Come on, Kaiser. One last push.” Lexa quickly glanced down at her dog to make sure he was still good to run. When he showed no sign of wanting to stop, she surged forward, putting everything she had into the last stretch. There was no room for weakness when she trained. The only way to improve was to push herself to the point of breaking and then push harder. So that’s what she did. Tonight and tomorrow at practice.

 

When she reached the top, Lexa dropped her bottle and put her hands over her head. She took deep breaths, continuing to feel the burning sensation in her chest. Kaiser stood by her, his breathing coming out short. After a couple of minutes, Lexa could breath normally again and she grabbed her water bottle and made her way over to a bench that overlooked the city.

 

“Kaiser.” She sat down and called Kaiser over, who had gone off to sniff some bushes. She pulled his collapsible bowl out of her pocket and set it up on the ground. He sat down patiently as Lexa poured some water in the bowl. He lapped from his bowl eagerly, spilling some water on the ground.

 

Lexa relaxed back onto the bench and took her earphones off and drank from her water bottle. She swallowed the cold water, quenching the dryness in her throat. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the bottom of her shirt and enjoyed the cool weather on her neck.

 

Lexa looked out at the city lights and skyscrapers and the glow they cast into the night sky. She could hear cars honking from the freeways and the nightlife hustling. She imagined what people were doing right at this moment. A father or mother getting off of work. A family sitting down for dinner. Someone buying the perfect Christmas gift at their loved one’s favorite store. Lexa smiled at the thought of someone being truly happy at this exact moment.

 

And then her thoughts drifted. Blue eyes and blonde hair appeared. A beaming smile that stretched across from ear to ear, showing white teeth. And a laugh that filled her ears like gentle hymn. Clarke.

 

Lexa pulled out her phone and read over the message she had received that morning.

 

**Clarke Griffin 11:53 AM- Morning Lexa! I’m glad you guys all made it home safe! :)**

 

Lexa couldn’t help the small pang in her heart. She was awake when she received the text and she wanted to message Clarke back, but she couldn’t decide what to say. A simple good morning probably would’ve sufficed, but she couldn’t bring herself to type the words. So she left it alone. Because Lexa was nervous. _Clarke_ made her nervous. She made her feel unstable, as though she could fall over at any moment. Weak. And Lexa didn’t know how to process that. Lexa zipped her jacket up.

 

Her mind wandered to the previous night; how Clarke lay down next to her on the trampoline, close, but far enough to give her space. How she laughed at Lexa falling and the fact that she wasn’t bothered by it. How Clarke stared and awed at what little stars Lexa could point out. And how she listened intently at her uttering those few words about her parents.

 

When she drove home that night to drop off Octavia and Monroe, she was smiling. The radio was on some random station that she paid no mind to because her thoughts were solely on Clarke and that stupid trampoline. The trampoline that made her look ridiculous, but in the process, made Clarke laugh.

 

Lexa had felt truly at peace that night with a girl she barely knew. Somehow, this girl had made Lexa take a chance, something she hadn’t done in months. And somehow, this girl had occupied her thoughts the whole day. Had distracted her all day. Had began to weaken her resolve.

 

But then she thought of Octavia and how she talked about Lexa letting people in. Could she let Clarke in?

 

She stared at the night sky, pulling her hood over her head. Kaiser walked over and sat down next to her legs, putting his head on her knee, as if he were offering Lexa comfort from her frustrating thoughts. She smiled down at the German Shepherd and scratched the top of his head and behind his ears. He nudged off her hand and licked her palm, then let her resume petting him.

 

Lexa lifted her head back up to face the sky and searched. It took her a minute, but eventually she found Orion’s Belt.

 

 _Distance._ She thought. _Distance._ She repeated the same words in her head that she said to Clarke that night. _When I think of space. There’s just distance._

 

_What are you doing to me, Clarke?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys thought! I have finals coming up so the chapters might run a bit late. But it shouldn't be too long. Thanks for all your comments and kudos! I really appreciate them all :)
> 
> oh and come find me on my tumblr: (clexuh.tumblr) if you wanna come say hi! :)


	4. A Practice of Unexpected Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the overwhelming response to the last chapter! You guys are so amazing! Here's the next one and it's longer!

 

Kaiser lay on Lexa’s bed, and watched her go over the same routine she had been doing for four years. Packing.

 

At 10:45, Lexa changed into a white baseball shirt with green sleeves and a pair of gray tapered baseball pants. She placed her sports bag on her bed and ran over her list of things she needed for practice. Her catcher’s gear was already packed neatly away along with her bat on the side compartment, glove, and bag of baseballs. The practice schedule and drills were all planned in a neat one-inch binder that lay at the top of her bag. Lexa had some of the team’s helmets already in her car. All that was needed were her cleats, which she kept by the door.

 

Lexa pulled the strap of her bag over her shoulder and walked to the side of her bed and pet Kaiser on the head. “I’ll see you later, boy.” He gave a small huff in response and continued lying on the bed.

 

She grabbed her baseball cap that was on her bedside table and put it on her head, fixing her ponytail so that it fit well. She began walking downstairs, and could already hear her Uncle in the kitchen.

 

“Good morning, Uncle Gustus.” She put her bag down and made her way into the kitchen.

 

Her Uncle Gustus was a large man, but kind and gentle. After Lexa’s parents had died when she was eight, he immediately took Lexa in and became her legal guardian. And while it had taken some time for her to open up to him after her parents’ deaths, the two quickly became family and closer than anything. Her Uncle Gustus loved and supported her and she loved him back. They shared a special bond, one that solidified the day he put her first bat in her hands.

 

“Morning, Lexa!” He called from over his shoulder as he washed the dishes in the sink. “Practice today?”

 

Lexa grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter. “Yes, but it’s my practice. Coach Indra’s begin two days after New Year’s.”

 

Gustus shut off the water and turned to face his niece, drying his hands. “And I wouldn’t I suspect anything less.”

 

Lexa leaned against the counter and ate her apple. “That’s because you find my ambition to be one of my better qualities.”

 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself and help your teammates.”

 

“True. Though I could practically hear Octavia’s groan from wherever she was when I sent out the text about today.”

 

Gustus shook his head and laughed. “Now that you mention it, I did hear a loud growl from the shop yesterday…” He joked.

 

Lexa smiled, her mouth full.

 

“So where did you run off to last night? You were gone when I arrived home.”

 

Lexa shrugged. “I took Kaiser out for a night run. I needed to clear my head.”

 

“Clear your head huh? Is everything alright?”

 

Lexa nodded. “Everything is fine. Just a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

 

“Anything that I can help you with?” He offered.

 

Lexa shook her head. “Thank you Uncle, but I’m alright.”

 

Gustus eyed her suspiciously. He knew when Lexa needed her space so he didn’t pry. He also knew that Lexa would come to him when she was ready to tell him whatever was occupying her mind. Instead, he changed the subject. “Okay, well don’t push yourself too far at practice today. Christmas is coming up and I need you in one piece to assist me in wrapping.”

 

“How many donations did we get this year?”

 

“A lot, which is why I need your help. We’re dropping everything off at the shelter on Christmas Eve so there’s only a few days left to wrap.”

 

Lexa’s Uncle Gustus owned a tattoo shop downtown. He and the other artists always asked for toys or clothes donations around the holidays for the children at local shelters. Together, they would then wrap all of them and deliver them on Christmas Eve. It was one of the things Lexa looked forward to every Christmas. Seeing the children’s faces light up never failed to make Lexa smile. And this year was no different. In fact, this year, Lexa needed it more than ever.

 

“I’m glad. Last year’s donations were on the low side.” She tossed the apple core into the trash and checked the clock on her phone. Almost 11:00. She walked back to the bottom of the stairs to grab her bag.

 

“I’m glad people are opening their hearts up a little more. Love and happiness deserve to be felt by everyone, no matter what’s going on in their lives.”

 

Lexa’s body quickly tensed up at her Uncle’s words. She hadn’t told him anything that had gone on in the last couple of days, but his words still rang true. She turned to face him and he sent her a gentle smile.

 

He followed her over and picked up her cleats. “I’m going to be in the shop until late, so I’ll leave money on the table for food.”

 

She shook off the surprised feeling and smiled. “Thank you, Uncle.” She took the shoes from him and shoved them into her bag.

 

“Be good, Lexa.” He squeezed her on the shoulder and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “And don’t forget, keep-”

 

“Your eye on the ball.” She finished for him. “Always.” She slipped on a pair of sandals and walked out of the house, ready for practice.

 

\--

 

 

“Fuck!” The stinging pain immediately seared through her finger. Clarke brought her thumb to her mouth and swiped her tongue over the fourth paper cut she had given herself. Wrapping presents was not one of her strong suits. Luckily, she had finished putting the final pieces of tape on the box containing Monty’s cardigan so she was calling it quits on wrapping for the day.

 

She moved the present to side of the dining room table and went into the kitchen. It was almost 11:30 in the morning and her mom was still asleep, her shift at the hospital running late last night. Clarke expected her to wake up soon so she began making her mom breakfast or brunch if she was technical. Clarke was of the belief that breakfast food should be served all day because of how delicious it could be. Maybe that’s why pancakes were practically the only thing she knew how to make.

 

Clarke got out all the ingredients to make pancakes and began working. After several stacks were made, she grabbed a couple of eggs and made her mom’s favorite scrambled eggs. When the eggs were almost finished, she heard her mom making her way down the stairs.

 

“Morning, mom.” Clarke quickly put the eggs on a plate and brought them over to the dining room table along with the stacks of pancakes.

 

Abby walked over to her daughter and kissed her on the forehead. “Morning, dear. What’s all this?” She gestured to the plates of food.

 

“I figured after your long night yesterday, I’d make you breakfast.”

 

Abby pulled Clarke into a hug and kissed the top of her head again. “Have I told you what an amazing daughter you are lately?”

 

Clarke smirked. “No, but I already know.”

 

Abby sat down and happily began eating. She let out a grateful sigh when she took the first bite. “These are amazing, Clarke.”

 

“Thanks, mom.” Clarke sat down next to her mom, ready to dig into her own plate. “How was your shift last night?”

 

“Extremely long. There was a major car accident and several critical injuries. The surgeries took a while.”

 

“Are they all okay?”

 

Abby nodded. “Luckily, we managed to stabilize them. They’re in ICU at the moment. I’m returning to the hospital later today to continue monitoring their conditions.”

 

Clarke admired her mother. When Clarke was younger, she wanted to grow up and pursue medicine just like her until she discovered her love for art. When she told her mom about her change in career choice, she welcomed it with open arms. But the fact remained that what her mom did in her life was truly amazing and Clarke would always believe that.

 

“Heavy stuff aside, how was your last day? Anything interesting?”

 

“It went great. I finished my last final and made sure to clear out my locker. But Mr. Roman stopped me in the hall.”

 

Abby raised an eyebrow. “What about?”

 

“It wasn’t bad, mom. He actually assigned me something for my final piece before graduation.”

 

“Really?”

 

Clarke nodded and moved a piece of pancake around in the syrup on her plate. “He wants me to do a piece on love. But he made it sound really intense.”

 

“Love? Haven’t you done a lot of paintings about love?”

 

“That’s what I told him, but apparently there wasn’t enough ‘heart’ in them.” She put air quotes when she emphasized the heart aspect.

 

“Hm. Well I guess you’ll have to work harder on that one if you other pieces weren’t to his standard.”

 

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

 

“I wonder who that is?”

 

“I’ll get it.” Clarke stood up and made her way to the door. She looked through the peephole and rolled her eyes at the sight.

 

She opened the door and there stood Raven, her hands in her jacket pockets and a grin on her face. “And a good morning to you too, Clarke!”

 

“Is that Raven?” Abby’s voice called from the dining room.

 

Clarke sighed and motioned for Raven to come inside. “Morning Ms. Griffin.” Raven entered the dining room and immediately locked eyes with the stacks of pancakes.

 

“Raven, I’ve told you time and time again, call me Abby. Come, help yourself.” She smiled at the girl.

 

“Don’t mind if I do!” Raven took a seat and placed a couple of pancakes on a plate.

 

Clarke sat opposite her friend and watched as she devoured the stack on her plate as quickly as she had put them on.

 

“So Raven, Clarke was telling me last night about our plans for Christmas Day and I want you to know that you are absolutely welcome to join us.”

 

Raven looked up from her pancakes and cleared her throat. “Are you sure, Abby? Clarke offered, but I don’t want to intrude on any family-”

 

Abby waved her off. “Raven, I insist. We would love to have you here.”

 

“Thank you Ms. Griffin.” Abby gave her a look. “Abby.” Raven corrected. Abby reached across the table and took Raven’s hand and squeezed it.

 

Clarke smiled at her best friend. “So Raven, not that I don’t want you here right now, but what are you doing here?”

 

Raven’s face lit up. “Oh yeah. Well as you know, the Grounders’ first unofficial practice is today.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly. “Yeah I know. Octavia was whining about it all last night.”

 

“Sooo…” Raven wiggled in her chair.

 

“So?”

 

“Wanna go?”

 

Clarke practically chocked on a pancake. “What?” She asked, pieces of food still lodged in her throat. Abby reached over and gently patted her daughter on the back.

 

“I mean do you want to go watch the practice? Watch the captain in action?” Raven raised an eyebrow and smirked.

 

Clarke could feel her face begin to blush and Abby noticed.  “May I ask, what in the world Raven is talking about?”

 

“It’s nothing mom.” Clarke quickly answered. She shot Raven a glare that made her sink into her chair.

 

“Clarke, you’re blushing.” Abby pointed out. “What captain?”

 

Raven put her hands up in surrender, not wanting to dig herself deeper into the hole she opened up.

 

“The captain, that Raven happily mentioned, is just a girl on the school baseball team.” Clarke explained.

 

“Oh. Well that explains your blushing.”

 

“How come?” Raven asked.

 

“Well, Clarke’s always had a soft spot for athletes. When she was ten years old, there was this boy in their soccer league. Clarke pushed him down on the field after asking him to be her valentine.” Abby reached over and pinched one of Clarke’s cheeks.

 

Raven burst out laughing. “Oh my god!”

 

“Mom!”

 

Abby shrugged. “What? It’s true.”

 

Clarke covered her face with her hands and just sat there, hiding her embarrassment.

 

“Anyways, what’s this girl’s name?” Abby asked after Raven’s laughter died down.

 

Clarke mumbled something, but her hands were covering her mouth.

 

“One more time, Clarke. I don’t think your mom heard you.” Raven teased.

 

“Her name is Lexa, mom.”

 

Abby smiled at her daughter. “Lexa. That’s a pretty name.”

 

“You should see her face.” Raven whispered under her breath.

 

Clarke shot her best friend another look, trying to get her to shut up.

 

“Well, Clarke.” Abby stood up. “If you’re not doing anything today, you should go. I’m going to work soon so I can take care of the dishes before I head out.”

 

“Are you sure, mom? I don’t need to go.”

 

“You don’t need to, but I know you want to.” Abby sent her daughter a wink and then stood up, collecting everyone’s plates and turned to go into the kitchen.

 

Clarke slowly turned to face Raven who was just sitting with her hands folded on the table. “So I’m suggesting you should probably get ready, unless you wanna see Lexa in your pajamas. But hey, who knows, it might work for her.”

 

Clarke bunched up her napkin and tossed it at Raven’s face, hitting her right between the eyes.

 

“Hey! What’s with throwing things at me lately?”

 

“Maybe because you keep sticking your foot in your mouth?”

 

Raven shrugged nonchalantly. “Just keepin’ it real.”

 

Clarke rolled up another napkin just in case Raven said something else. “So what made you think of doing this?”

 

“Your extreme thirst.” Raven stated bluntly.

 

“You’re just asking for me to throw this at you…”

 

“What? You asked!”

 

Clarke stood up and began making her way to the stairs. “I’ll be ready in 20 minutes so just stay out of trouble until then.”

 

Raven gave her an ‘ok’ sign with her hand. “Totally not gonna check if you’ve gotten my present already.”

 

“If I did, you wouldn’t find it anyways.” Clarke smirked at Raven and walked up to her bedroom. She stood in front of her bed, letting her mind wander for a minute. Her stomach began coiling, the nerves working their way through her body, as her brain accepted the fact: she was going to see Lexa today. And she was going to see her in her element. What would be Lexa’s reaction? Would they be awkward around each other? Or would she be a distraction? Clarke made up her mind and decided not to worry about that right now. A nervous smile etched itself onto her face. Clarke took a deep breath and bounded towards the bathroom.

 

Raven ended up helping her pick out what to wear once again. After deciding on a pair of skinny forest green jeans and a white knit sweater. She curled her hair slightly so that it came down in waves on her shoulders. After Clarke slipped into her brown boots, Raven gave her the official thumbs up and they set out for the baseball field. Before they walked out the door, Clarke remembered to grab her sketchbook, just in case.

 

Then they got in the car, Clarke sitting in the passenger seat, looking out the window, the nerves creeping back into her stomach once more.

 

\--

 

 

Lexa divided the bag of baseballs into two metal baskets that sat near the bleachers. She set one at the pitcher’s mound and the other at home plate for one of the later drills. At 11:45, Lexa turned her body when she heard cleats walking towards her.

 

“How long have you been here Captain?” Octavia walked up to Lexa, her bags and bat in hand and dressed similarly to Lexa.

 

“11:05. I was setting everything up.”

 

“Of course you were.” Octavia walked over to one of the dugouts and placed her bags down. She grabbed her baseball mitt and jogged back to home plate.

 

“So how are you this fine day?”

 

“I’m fine, Octavia.”

 

“You sure? Nothing going on in that brain of yours?” Octavia poked the side of Lexa’s head and grinned.

 

Lexa nudged her off. “Why are people insisting that something is wrong with me?”

 

“I didn’t say anything was wrong. Why, did your Uncle mention something? Cause you do seem a little tense.”

 

Lexa shook her head, ignoring the comment. “Come on. Let’s warm up your arm.” Lexa tilted her head and motioned for Octavia to take the mound. Octavia just sighed and nodded, tucking her mitt under one arm began stretching as she made her way over. Lexa quickly ran over to put on her catcher’s gear, making sure the padding was securely strapped to her body. She placed the mask on top of her head and walked back to home plate, noticing Octavia was ready.

 

“You ready?” Octavia asked as she grabbed one of the baseballs from the cart.

 

“Pitch.” Lexa squatted down into her crouch. She pulled down her mask and put up her mitt. Lexa saw Octavia smirk through the metal of her mask. Octavia adjusted her cap and tightened her grip on the baseball. Then she began her first wind up of the season.

 

The rest of the baseball team arrived around 10 minutes later, all of their stuff in tow. Lexa and Octavia greeted all of them warmly. The entire team consisted of 16 girls, not including Lexa. Octavia jogged up to Monroe as she was placing her bags down in the dugout and put her in a headlock. “And how’s the reigning Beer Pong Champion feeling this afternoon?”

 

Monroe laughed and quickly got herself out of the hold. “Pretty good, actually! Considering that yesterday morning, my mom freaked out and thought I had the stomach flu.”

 

Harper, the team’s right fielder walked up to the two and wrapped one arm around each of their shoulders. “Who’s ready to kick some ass? Cause I for one, am fucking pumped.” Octavia shook off Harper’s arm and smirked.

 

“Remember guys, it’s the first practice of the season.”

 

Monroe and Harper shot Octavia a grin and called out, “Anyone who’s new on varsity this season, make their way over here now!”

 

Lexa was removing her catcher’s gear when she heard her shortstop yell out. She smiled down at the ground from her place at home plate. She would let Octavia and Monroe have their fun for these first few minutes while she finished cleaning up and finalizing the drills.

 

Octavia and Monroe stood on the bench in the dugout with their arms crossed as the rest of the team stood in front of them. Two girls stood in front of the rest: the new varsity players.

 

“State your names.”

 

One of the girls looked up at her, confused. “Octavia, you know our names.”

 

“State. Your names.” Octavia repeated again, sending her teammate an intimidating stare. A few of the oldest players laughed quietly at their pitcher scaring the two.

 

“Fox.” The girl spoke up, her straight brown hair in a tight ponytail. She was thin, but had a strong throw.

 

“Caris.” The other girl next to Fox spoke out in a strong voice, looking up at Octavia with a flash of determination in her eyes.

 

Monroe scanned her eyes over the team, but focusing especially on the newbies. “As you all know, today marks the first practice of the season.

 

Octavia uncrossed her arms and put them behind her back. “So far, you have only experienced what the junior varsity has to offer. But this, obviously, isn’t junior varsity anymore.”

 

Monroe grinned. “And today isn’t a normal practice.”

 

Lexa let out a tiny laugh as she overheard how dramatic the two were acting.

 

Octavia looked at Fox and Caris. “Today is your Captain’s practice. And it will be tough.”

 

Fox and Caris exchanged a quick glance of uncertainty. They had noticed one particular senior standing with the varsity coach during tryouts, softly whispering to her and listening intently to what she had to say.

 

“She led our team to the championship game last year and we expect to do it again.” Octavia looked over to Lexa who sent her a nod. “Let’s get started.”

 

“Grounders!” Lexa yelled.

 

The entire baseball team immediately grabbed their mitts and hopped over the railing of the dugout, jogging to Lexa. Fox and Caris took a second; unsure of what was going on, but followed after them.

 

Before Octavia could follow, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She had forgotten to leave it in her bag before she warmed up. She pulled it out and saw there were two texts from Raven.

 

**Raven Reyes 12:05 PM: Yo! Me and Clarke are coming to your practice ;)**

**Raven Reyes 12:05 PM: 1. Let’s do something after 2. So Clarke can see el capitán again which is gonna be fucking hilarious**

Octavia’s eyes widened at the texts. She knew that there wasn’t a problem with having someone watch them practice. The problem was that one of those people was going to be Clarke. And Lexa had absolutely no idea.

 

_Fuck._

 

Octavia shoved her phone into her bag and grabbed her mitt running over to where her teammates were standing.

 

The team surrounded Lexa in a half circle, dressed in their practice attire and their Grounder baseball caps. Lexa stood before them, arms crossed and her face serious.

 

“Good afternoon, everyone.”

 

“Afternoon Captain.” The whole team replied.

 

“I’m sure Octavia and Monroe already went over that today is _my_ practice. And it marks the start of our season. I expect all of you to listen and follow directions. We are a team. We work together and leave no one behind. If one of us struggles, we all struggle. If one of us is weak, then the entire team is weak.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath and continued. “Last season, we lost a valuable teammate and it hurt. But this season, we make up for that loss. We are going to the end and bringing home that championship. And that begins right here with this practice.”

 

The Grounders all cheered and yelled at their captain’s words. Lexa looked on, proud at her team. “Then let’s begin. Relay Race.”

 

Octavia quickly went up to Lexa and whispered, “Lexa, I have to tell you something.”

 

Lexa held up her hand. “Octavia. Please. It can wait until our first break.”

 

“But-”

 

“Octavia.” Lexa shot her a stare that said she didn’t want to hear anymore. Octavia let out a groan and went to join her team. She had the feeling that this was going to turn out extremely awkward.

 

The team dropped their mitts at home plate and split in half: one group of eight lined up behind home plate and the other group of eight at second base. Lexa grabbed two baseballs and threw one to each player in the front of their line. At Lexa’s signal, the first player of each line would run around all the bases until they reached their line in which they’d hand the next person the ball. The first team to get all their players around the bases, won. A simple exercise that allowed Lexa to see what she was working with when it came to speed, especially when it came to stealing bases and running during doubles or even triples.

 

Lexa stood on the pitcher’s mound with a whistle in her mouth. When she saw that both groups were ready, Monroe leading at home and Octavia at second, she blew the whistle and the race began.

 

Octavia and Monroe took off, sprinting towards the next base. Octavia reached third base at the same time Monroe hit first. The two were running with everything they had, but matched each other. They ran around the bases and reached their respective lines, handing the ball to the next player who then took off running. Lexa kept her eyes on the teams as they darted from base to base. Inside, she was impressed with their speed and stamina, especially after months off.

 

From the corner of her eye, Lexa spotted a car pull up in the parking lot to the right of the baseball field. She looked at it in confusion. Her entire team was here and Coach Indra didn’t come to these practices. The car looked familiar though.

 

Then she saw. Her eyes widened at the sight of blonde hair getting out of the passenger seat followed by a face she began to know very well. And she began to panic. Her stomach dropped and her mouth went dry. _Clarke_.

 

“Octavia!” Lexa struggled to call out. “Everyone else, continue running!”

 

Octavia turned to Lexa and then towards what she was staring at. It was Clarke getting out of Raven’s car. And Octavia knew she was fucked. She jogged to the pitcher’s mound; already preparing herself for the verbal onslaught Lexa was about to hit her with.

 

“Yeah?” She asked cautiously.

 

Lexa looked back towards the team who were still running around the bases. “What are Raven and Clarke doing here?” She asked in a low voice, avoiding turning to the parking lot.

 

Octavia was surprised at the calmness of the question. “Raven might’ve texted me about them coming to watch. And then us doing something after.”

 

Octavia could see Lexa swallow in nervousness and press her lips together in a tight line. “And why wasn’t I informed?”

 

“Because you cut me off before I could.” Octavia stated bluntly.

 

Lexa looked at Octavia, her eyes narrow in confusion. Octavia just shrugged, not knowing what else to tell her.

 

Lexa wiped her mouth with her hand. This baseball field’s stands started from first base and went all around until third. She quickly glanced back to the parking lot and saw that Clarke and Raven were making their way to the bleachers that were behind home plate.

 

“Are you nervous, Captain?” Octavia asked teasingly in a whisper.

 

“Of course not. I was just caught off guard.”

 

Octavia smirked. “Alright. Then I’m just gonna get back to my line.” She began to step forward to walk back but Lexa pulled her back by the bottom of her shirt.

 

Octavia jerked back. “Ah! Handle me gently!”

 

Lexa looked down at the ground and asked in a small voice. “Do I go over and say hello?”

 

Octavia stared at her, processing Lexa’s question. And then a grin slowly worked its way on her face. Lexa was totally nervous.

 

All of a sudden Monroe’s voice rang out. “Captain! My team won!”

 

Lexa quickly turned to face Monroe’s team at home plate who were all breathing hard, but still had large smiles on their faces at their win. Octavia stood next to Lexa, her eyes narrow and mouth wide in irritation. “What?! Damn it!”

 

Monroe stuck her tongue out at the pouting Octavia who flipped her off in response.

 

Lexa mentally slapped herself for not paying attention and missing them finish the race. She shouldn’t allow herself to be distracted, especially at practice.

 

Octavia turned back to face Lexa who had closed her eyes in frustration. “If you don’t want to distract yourself, I suggest taking a water break. That way you can go say hi and everyone else can rest cause I’m pretty sure Fox is hyperventilating.”

 

They both looked at Fox who had her arms over her head and her chest heaving.

  
Octavia knew her too well. “You might be right.” Lexa blew her whistle, getting the team’s attention. “Five minute water break and then we get right back into practice!”

 

The Grounders let out a sigh and began making their way to the dugout. Caris jogged over to Fox who had finally gotten her breathing under control.

 

“So I’m going to go…say hello.” Lexa said, her voice shaky and unsure.

 

“Yeah, you do that! But don’t look so nervous, okay?” She said in an encouraging voice. Octavia looked over Lexa’s shoulder and waved to her friends who were now taking their seats on the middle level of the bleachers. “A simple hey how’s it going will be fine.”

 

Octavia gave Lexa an encouraging pat on the back. “Relax.” She murmured before walking with the rest of the team to the dugout.

 

Lexa remained on the pitchers’ mound and tried to compose herself. Her heart was pounding so loud in her chest that she could practically hear it beating. She turned her body to face the bleachers and quickly made sure her hat was on straight, taking a deep breath. Hey eyes fell upon Clarke who was sitting next Raven laughing about something.

 

“Relax, Lexa.” She whispered to herself. Then she somehow managed to get her feet to move and began walking towards the backstop fence that separated the field from the bleachers.

 

\--

 

 

“Don’t look now, but a certain baseball captain is making her way over here.” Raven said out of the corner of her mouth. “Actually, go ahead and look.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened. She turned her head and looked down towards the field. And Raven was right. Lexa was walking over to the fence, her hands in her pockets. And holy fuck, Clarke thought she looked incredibly hot in her baseball attire. Clarke was frozen in her seat, just taking in the sight of the girl.

 

Raven noticed that Clarke wasn’t about to move so she nudged her leg. She tilted her head, her eyes signaling towards Lexa. “Go, you dumbass.”

 

Clarke shook out of her trance. “Yeah.” She bit her lip in excitement and stood up and began to step onto the bleachers, moving down one by one.  

 

“Don’t trip and fall on your face. Though that would be pretty hilarious.” Raven called after her. Clarke turned back to send her a glare. Raven just laughed and propped her feet on the bleacher under her, ready to watch the show.

 

As Clarke got closer to the fence, she could start to make out certain things about Lexa today. Like how she had some dirt smudged on her cheeks that made her look even cuter than she already was. And how her hair was in a ponytail that came out from underneath her green baseball cap, which cast a small shadow over her eyes. And how she walked with excellent posture, her back straight and a strong stride. Lexa oozed power and command, but right now, she just looked like another nervous teenager. And Clarke melted.

 

Clarke hopped off the last bench of the bleachers and walked up to the fence and waited for Lexa to reach her.

 

\--

 

 

As Lexa walked over to the fence, she watched Clarke jump onto the ground from the bleachers with a smile on her face. Lexa’s stomach curled at the sight of the blonde’s excitement. Lexa couldn’t help but think how cute she looked, dressed in a knit sweater. Clarke stood behind the fence, waiting.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Lexa passed home plate and reached her.

 

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa breathed out.

 

“Hey.”

 

The metal fence divided the two, but Lexa felt the same closeness she had felt the night on the trampoline. Clarke placed her hand upwards on the fence, her fingers curling through one of the links.

 

Lexa’s nerves were getting the better of her and she had absolutely no idea what to say. She placed her hand on the fence near her waist and played with the metal.

 

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked. She mentally cursed herself for how rude that sounded coming out of her mouth. “Not that I don’t want you here. It was just…unexpected.” Lexa wanted to crawl under her a rock.

 

Clarke just smiled softly at Lexa. “Raven suggested we come. And we were gonna hang out with Octavia after so she thought why not watch.”

 

Lexa nodded in understanding.

 

“And hey, I get to see you in action, Commander.” Clarke joked, the title slipping off her tongue easily.

 

Lexa arched her eyebrow at the nickname. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Lexa’s lips curled upwards at Clarke’s grin. Lexa wanted nothing more than to jog around the backstop to meet Clarke face to face, but she knew there was only about two minutes left for break, so she was content to just talk through the chain-link fence. Lexa turned her head to see her team beginning to come back into the diamond.

 

“Alright, I have a question and it may sound stupid.”

 

Lexa met Clarke’s eyes. “Never. Ask away.” Lexa stood in silence, slightly anxious at what the question could be.

 

Clarke pointed to the Grounders. “Why do you guys wear white baseball pants if you know they’re gonna get dirty when you slide?”

 

Lexa reacted two seconds later and laughed. She quickly covered her mouth to muffle the sound, but she couldn’t help it. Clarke pouted at the baseball player.

 

“What? Hey, don’t laugh! You said it wouldn’t be stupid!”

 

Lexa’s laugh died down as Clarke continued to stare at her, a slight smile on her face. There was absolutely no way Clarke would ever get tired of hearing Lexa’s laugh.

 

“They make specific cleaners for them, Clarke.” Lexa explained, out of breath from laughing. She raised her hand and adjusted her cap.

 

A short whistle brought Clarke and Lexa out of their tiny bubble. Clarke looked over Lexa’s shoulder and saw that Octavia was motioning for Lexa.

 

“I think that’s your cue, Commander.”

 

Lexa turned around and sent Octavia a nod. But what she didn’t realize was that as she turned, she unconsciously brought the hand that was fixing her cap down on over the part of the fence that Clarke’s fingers were curled around. And their fingers met through the chain-link. At the feeling of her Clarke’s fingers, Lexa’s eyes immediately shot to where her hand had landed and inhaled sharply.

 

Lexa couldn’t help but enjoy the warm feeling of her hand over Clarke’s for a second, before she retracted her hand, refusing to meet Clarke’s eyes. “I- uh. I should get back.” She felt lucky that her baseball cap partially hid her eyes.

 

“Of course. I’ll be on the bleachers.” Clarke cast one more glance at Lexa before rejoining Raven on the bleachers.

 

Lexa nodded once and then twisted on her heel to walk back to her teammates. Her cleats dug into the dirt and grass with the pressure she was walking, her body wired up. Lexa couldn’t control the smile as she joined her team, a rush of adrenaline flowing through her.

 

Lexa could feel Clarke’s eyes on her, but she didn’t mind it. As nervous as Clarke made her feel at the moment, she also made her feel want to try harder. In a way, Lexa wanted to impress her. And Lexa figured that a little distraction might not be so bad.

 

“Alright, Grounders! Let’s warm up your arms. Pair up!”

 

\--

 

Clarke stepped up onto the bleachers and plopped herself down next to Raven who just had the biggest grin on her face.

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing!” Raven put her hands up innocently.

 

Clarke looked back to see Lexa yelling out instructions to her team and putting her whistle into her mouth. Clarke’s eyes drifted down her body, admiring just how well her baseball pants fit her.

 

Raven let out a chuckle which snapped Clarke out of her gaze. She turned to see Raven staring at her phone.

 

“Okay, now what?”

 

Raven snickered. “Just Octavia and me talking about what a dork the captain is. And how fucking thirsty you are.”

 

Clarke shoved Raven, who just took the impact and lay down onto the bench. “Oh, Clarke…”

 

Clarke ignored her and reached for her purse, pulling out her sketchbook and a pencil. She cast a glance at the field; specifically what Lexa was dressed in and then began drawing.

 

\-- 

 

An hour had gone by in Lexa’s practice and they were beginning to start one of their last drills. Unfortunately, Fox tried to catch a base hit with her hand, resulting in a nasty bruise. Octavia chewed her out for that for a while. So Lexa had left the field and gone over to her car for the first aid kit, but not before motioning over to Clarke sitting at the bleachers.

 

Clarke gladly followed and met up with Lexa at her car. “That looked painful.” Clarke leaned up against the side of the car.

 

“Yeah. I have warned Fox before about catching something barehanded.” Lexa said, rummaging through her trunk. She craned her neck and saw Clarke with a pained expression on her face.

 

“Oh no. I was talking about that lecture she got from Octavia, if you could even call it that.”

 

Lexa let out a short breath through her nose at the memory. “The two could definitely be compared.”

 

Lexa finally found what she was looking for and pulled the first aid kit from underneath several bags and jackets.

 

“That’s a really big kit.” Clarke commented as she saw Lexa put down the box on the ground, which was about the size of a carry-on luggage. Lexa knelt down and opened the kit.

 

“Yes, it is. I tend to be prepared for anything after-”

 

Before Lexa could finish, they heard the sound of cleats on the concrete running towards them.

 

“Captain.”

 

Lexa looked up from the first aid kit on the ground to face Monroe who was standing beside Clarke.

 

“What is it, Monroe?” Lexa asked.

 

Monroe swallowed. “I don’t know why they’re here. I think they have the field next.”

 

Lexa quickly stood up. “Who?”

 

Clarke looked closely at Monroe and saw worry in her eyes and what looked like a hint of anger.

 

Monroe cast a hard look at her captain. “Neva.”

 

Clarke saw Lexa’s entire mood change. Her face dropped and in a split second, a mask went up. Her shoulders visibly tensed. Her hands clenched up into fists. Lexa looked ready to go to war. Clarke had never seen Lexa act like this before.

 

“They’re by second base. They tried going to the dugout, but Octavia cut them off.”

 

Lexa didn’t let her continue. She completely forgot about the first aid kit and brushed past Monroe.

 

Clarke turned to the baseball player. “Monroe, what’s going on?”

 

Monroe shot her a look of sympathy before following after Lexa to the baseball field.

 

Clarke was left alone and confused. She quickly shut Lexa’s trunk and grabbed the first aid kit, just in case. And with no other option for answers, Clarke went after them. She noticed that Raven was now standing by the backstop, her hands pressed against the fence, watching.

 

Clarke ran to the bleachers and met Raven at the fence. She could now hear yelling. A lot that sounded like it was coming from Octavia. Raven and Clarke walked the line of the fence until they found the opening that allowed them to go into the dugout. Clarke placed the first aid kit on the bench and turned to face second base. From there they could see a large group of girls standing in front of the Grounders, one girl more threatening than the others. They were dressed in similar clothing like the Grounders, so Clarke assumed they were a baseball team as well.

 

“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve showing your faces right now.”

 

“Its our time slot for the field. Still not using your brain, are you Octavia?” A loud voice that Clarke didn’t recognize boomed.

 

Lexa was standing in front of her team, holding Octavia’s arm in a tight grip. Octavia was yelling at the girls who looked like they were around their age. Except, Octavia was mostly directing her anger towards the one in front. This girl was at least half a foot taller than Octavia. And she simply stood there with a smirk on her face.

 

“Octavia, keep your anger under control.” Lexa harshly whispered to her friend. She tried pulling her back. Monroe had reached them and tried to help calm Octavia down. “She’s not worth it.”

 

The stare down between both teams was charged. The intensity could be cut with a knife. And Clarke had no idea what to make of it. It wasn’t until Clarke looked at one of the girls opposite Lexa who was wearing a baseball jersey that read, “GLACIERS”, did she understand. This was the team, the Ice Nation Glaciers that Octavia had mentioned. The rivalry. The rivalry that continued because of something they were responsible for.

 

Octavia pulled her arm out of Lexa’s grip. She pointed at the strangers. “Don’t you fuckers fly North for the winter?”

 

The tall one leading the team spoke up again. “So much anger. Lexa, you should really keep your little Grounder on a leash.”

 

Lexa ignored the comment and spoke to her teammates that stood behind her. “Let’s just clear the field. Our time is up anyway.”

 

The girl spoke up again. “Oh Lexa. Still keeping up with your detached way of dealing? You were so much more fun when you were trying to hit me.”

 

Lexa pushed Octavia behind her. “You’re not worth getting riled up for, Neva. We’ll see you on the actual field.”

 

So this was Neva. The Ice Nation’s baseball captain, she assumed.

 

“Goodbye, Neva.” Lexa turned her back to the Glaciers and began to lead her team to the dugout.

 

“I wasn’t really gonna hit her…” Octavia mumbled as she walked next to Lexa.

 

Neva broke the silence. “By the way, how’s your girlfriend from last season? What was her name again? I couldn’t hear you say it last season with all her screaming.”

 

Lexa immediately stopped in her tracks. Clarke could see Lexa’s eyes go wide, almost wild. Her jaw clenched and her mouth curled into a snarl. Octavia and Monroe knew instantly what was about to happen and reacted in a split second. The rest of the Grounders followed suit, ready to back up their teammates.

 

Lexa quickly turned around to face Neva, her fists balled up. She walked with a sense of power and dominance Clarke had never seen before. It was almost animalistic. “How dare you!”

 

Octavia and Monroe quickly moved to hold their captain back. “Don’t do it, Lexa. You just convinced me remember. You hit her and the school finds out, consider suspension and our chances of beating their asses, gone.”

 

Neva and her teammates laughed at Lexa’s anger. And Clarke was pissed. She knew people could be cruel, but this was a new level. This was for the sake of enjoyment.

 

“Those fucking assholes.” Raven whispered beside her.

 

When she realized that Lexa wasn’t going to let that comment go, Clarke made her way out of the dugout and ran over to Lexa and took Monroe’s place next to her, holding the Grounder captain by her bicep. She was raging and Clarke wanted nothing more than to help calm her down.

 

“Lexa. Lexa, she’s not worth it, right? Let it go.”

 

Neva raised her eyebrows at Clarke’s appearance. “And who’s this, Lexa? Your new screamer?”

 

Lexa tensed up again and made a jump at the Glacier captain.

 

“You know what?” Neva turned to face her own team. “We can find a different field.”

 

Neva smirked at the Grounders. “You seem to need all the practice you can get if this,” she pointed at Lexa, “is who you have leading you. Until the season, Woods.”

 

And with that, Neva and her teammates walked towards left field where another parking lot was. A silence washed over the entire team as they left. None of the players wanted to say anything.

 

“Please let go of me. Both of you.” Lexa shook off Octavia. Clarke released her arm.

 

Lexa was visibly trying to calm herself down. Her breaths came in short bursts, her hands shaking. “Practice is over!”

 

Her teammates looked around at each other, unsure of what to do. Octavia’s voice rang out next, “You heard the Captain! Practice is done!”

 

Reluctant to leave their teammate and friend, the rest of the Grounders made their way to the dugout and packed up their bags. Some quickly packed up the baseballs and equipment left on the field, bringing them with their things. Only Octavia, Raven, and Clarke stood on the field next to Lexa.

 

After the team had left, Octavia quietly called for her friend. “Lexa, let’s go back into the dugout.” Lexa didn’t answer her.

 

Clarke spoke up next. “Lexa, I know you’re probably angry-“

 

Lexa’s head snapped up. “No you don’t. You have no idea what I am feeling Clarke. Don’t assume that you do.”

 

Clarke recoiled at the venom in her voice. Lexa stared directly at her. Green to blue. But these weren’t the same eyes that had been looking at her today or the night on the trampoline. These were empty.

 

Octavia spoke out, “Hey, I know you’re pissed, Lexa. But don’t take it out on Clarke.”

 

Lexa’s eyes darted from Octavia to Clarke, wide and angry. She took a deep breath and closed them. “I- I need to be alone.” And then she turned and began walking to the dugout for her things.

 

Clarke stared at Lexa as she walked away, a pain in her chest. “Octavia, shouldn’t we-”

 

“She needs space for now. But I know that she shouldn’t be alone tonight.” Octavia kicked the dirt with her cleat.

 

Octavia knew what was best for her best friend, but Clarke couldn’t help but feel reluctant to let her leave alone. Her heart felt like it was being constricted.

 

Raven’s head snapped up and she looked at Octavia, an idea in her head. “We have to do something.”

 

Octavia shook her head.

 

But Raven pressed on. “Stay over at my place. All four of us.”

 

“What?”

 

“My mom’s out of town. And Lexa should be surrounded by people that care about her, you know?”  

 

Clarke felt a small trace of hope that they could help Lexa with whatever she needed.

 

Octavia pressed her lips together. “I don’t know…”

 

“I know I can be an ass sometimes, but not this time. Just ask her.” Raven said.

 

Octavia looked at her two friends, her lips pressed together in a tight line. “Alright, I’ll ask her. But what she says is final.” Clarke and Raven nodded.

 

Octavia ran to Lexa who had finished packing all of her gear into her bag and was getting ready to leave for her car. “Lexa! Wait up, please.”

 

Lexa ignored her friend and continued walking to her car.

 

“Don’t do that. Not again.” Octavia grabbed Lexa’s arm and turned the captain to face her.

 

“What do you want me to say, Octavia?”

 

“Nothing! You don’t have to say anything because I already know what’s going on in your head.” Though Octavia was shorter than Lexa, she stood strong. “You’re going to shut yourself out again, but you know what? I’m not going to let you do that.”

 

Lexa looked off, her jaw clenched.

 

“Don’t shut me out. Don’t shut your friends out.”

 

“I just want to be alone right now.” Lexa whispered, letting her bag fall to the ground.

 

Octavia let out a breath. “And that’s fine. But only for a couple of hours.” She nudged Lexa’s arm. “Raven invited us to spend the night at her house. You, me, and Clarke.”

 

Lexa’s eyes flickered to Octavia’s at the mention of Clarke. “I should probably apologize to her.” She stated in a low voice.

 

“Yeah, you should. But you can do that tonight.”

 

“I don’t know, Octavia…”

 

“We’re here for you, Lexa. It’s not just me anymore that cares.” Octavia stared at her, her eyes worried and full of concern.

 

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded. Octavia brought her into a hug, tightening her arms around Lexa’s waist. Lexa relaxed into the familiar embrace and pulled Octavia in closer, letting her best friend comfort her.

 

When they released each other, Lexa quickly wiped her eyes. She refused to cry, even now. “Alright. But I’m going to head home for a while. Clear my head.” Lexa picked up her bag.

 

Octavia nodded in understanding.

 

Lexa didn’t smile at her. Instead, she just turned around and walked to her car.

 

\--

 

 

Clarke and Raven jogged over to Octavia who was left standing by the bleachers near the dugout.

 

“What’d she say?” Clarke asked with concern etched on her face.

 

Octavia gave them a half smile. “She said alright.” Raven and Clarke were both relieved at Lexa letting them in for tonight. 

 

“But I just want to warn you, Clarke. Today…it was bad.” Octavia mentioned.

 

Raven met Octavia’s eyes, exchanging an understanding look.

 

Clarke took a deep breath and swallowed the dry lump in her throat. Everything that had just happened only confused her more. Ever since they had mentioned it the day Lexa hit her on the head. She had to know. “Octavia. Tell me, please. What happened between you guys and the Glaciers?”

 

Octavia looked down at the ground. She took off her baseball cap and ran her hand through her hair. “Okay.” Octavia sat down on one of the bleachers and put her cap back on.

 

Clarke and Raven followed, sitting on either side of Octavia. Clarke waited in silence for her to continue. 

 

“There was a girl. And her name was Costia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :) Thank you for all the comments and kudos! I really appreciate every single one. Any mistakes are mine and I'm sorry for them.
> 
> As usual, you can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) come rant about clexa to me or just say hi :)
> 
> Also, I'm interested in finding a beta reader, or someone to help me edit. If you're interested, let me know!


	5. A New Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience! Thank you for the support and feedback. 
> 
> Also: trigger warning for a panic attack in this chapter.

“There was a girl. And her name was Costia.”

 

Raven sat by Octavia, just listening to the story. She knew everything that had happened, but stayed silent, letting Octavia take the reins.

 

Octavia took a deep breath. “Costia moved here two years ago in the summer right before I started high school. I had met her when she was moving into her house and I introduced myself. She was gonna be a sophomore that year, like Lexa, and told me she was interested in baseball. So I introduced her to Lexa, seeing as she was already on varsity.”

 

Octavia let out a tiny breath. “Lexa fell for her instantly. It’s like she freaking saw the sun for the first time with the way she looked at the girl.”

 

Clarke felt her heart clench. So that’s why Neva had mentioned a girlfriend. Clarke didn’t pay attention to the word at the time because she was too focused on Lexa. But now, she understood clearly.

 

“When Costia and me both made varsity, everything kind of fell into place.” Octavia sighed.

 

“Clarke, you have to know, Lexa… she doesn’t really let anyone close to her. So when Costia came into the picture, she changed. She opened herself up: smiled and laughed. I mean, she’s always been really serious, but with Costia, she let her guard down more often. When Lexa did come out with all of us, Costia was the one to convince her, and it didn’t take much.”

 

Clarke looked over Octavia and could see Raven smiling down at her hands, almost lost in the memory.

 

“They dated for a year and a half.” Octavia stated, her voice coarse.

 

Clarke bit her lip at the words, trying not to let the pang in her heart affect her. She knew this was part of Lexa’s past and she wanted to understand her. Everything was slowly piecing itself together.

 

Octavia smirked at the memory, her eyes glazing over. “Last season was _the_ season. We swore we were going to win the state championship. I mean, we knew it’d be fucking hard, but screw it. We had Lexa leading us and a fucking killer team.”

 

“We lost only a few games that season to the Ice Nation Glaciers. We always had, every year. So we weren’t surprised to see them at the championship game.”

 

Clarke spoke up quickly. “And Neva? I’m guessing the girl you were yelling at is their captain?”

 

Octavia bit her lip. “Yeah. The fucking bitch.” She clenched her hands together, trying to anchor herself before continuing the story.

 

Raven placed her hand on Octavia’s leg, supporting her.

 

“Top of the ninth inning. We were losing 5-4. We just needed one more out and then we’d be up to bat. That fucking bitch, Neva, was on first base.” Octavia shook her head. “She had no reason to, but she tried to steal second base.”

 

Clarke’s jaw tightened, feeling the worst about to come.

 

“Lexa was catching and saw what was about to happen immediately. As soon as I pitched the ball, Lexa caught it and sent it flying to second to tag her out. She sent it to Costia. I ducked and turned to watch it play out. And as I watched Neva reach halfway, I knew Costia was gonna tag her out. And that’s when I saw this fucking evil smirk on Neva’s face.”

 

Octavia continued playing with her hands. Clarke could see her starting to get angry again. Raven put her other hand on Octavia’s back while Clarke placed her hands over Octavia’s. She nodded her head for her to finish the story.

 

“Costia caught the ball, her left foot on the base. She tried to lower herself to tag Neva out. But the fucking bitch tried to slide. Costia tagged her knee, but Neva swiped Costia’s left leg out from underneath her. I still remember the sound.” Octavia squeezed Clarke’s hand.

 

“Fuck.” Clarke looked at the ground. She could feel the nausea coming up from her stomach. Raven tried looking anywhere but the baseball field, remembering that championship game.

 

“Costia went down. And her leg, it was…” Octavia swallowed the lump in her throat. Clarke shook her head, not wanting Octavia to go into detail about the injury.

 

“Lexa and I were the first to reach her. She was in so much pain. Lexa picked Neva up by her jersey and was ready to beat the shit out of her. And Neva just had this grin on her face. But Costia needed her more, and Lexa let her go. Coach called an ambulance when she saw how serious it was.”

 

Anger started bubbling from inside Clarke. Neva purposely injured Costia. But why? Was she cruel just for the sake of being cruel?

 

“They drove her out, but we had to finish the game. Lexa was the last up to bat with two outs. She ended up striking out and we lost the game.”

 

Clarke felt her head spin. “What happened to Costia? After?”

 

Raven let out a scoff. Octavia looked at Raven, knowing.

 

“The injury was bad. Costia’s parents got into this huge fight with the school for weeks. They wanted to sue Neva and her parents, but there wasn’t enough proof that she did it on purpose. Then one day, they decided to move. Costia only had time to quickly say goodbye to Lexa. And that was it. She left. And Lexa hasn’t been the same since.”

 

Octavia finished her story with a sigh. She took her cap off and ran her hand through her hair, rubbing the back of her head. Clarke and Raven sat with her in silence, trying to process everything that Octavia had told them.

 

Clarke sat still, a cold chill running through her body. She could understand why Lexa snapped at her the way she did, about not understanding what she was feeling. Why she was so angry. Having someone hurt a person you loved was painful, but having someone do it deliberately. And then have them leave out of nowhere…

 

“Everyone knows the fucking bitch did it on purpose.” Raven commented. “I was on the bleachers during that game and even I could see the Ice Bitch aim her cleat.”

 

Raven sighed. “I guess today reminded me of why Lexa’s so shut out…” She folded her arms across her stomach and sank into herself. “I shouldn’t have made so many fucking jokes about her being cold.”

 

“No you shouldn’t have.” Octavia nudged her with her shoulder. “But, I guess in your own asshole way, you were saying she needed to start letting people in.”

 

Raven just shrugged, still angry with herself.

 

“Do you think she’ll show up tonight?” Raven asked.

 

Octavia looked down. “Honestly? I don’t know. She doesn’t really ever lie to me, but she does shut herself out.”

 

Clarke wanted nothing more that to text Lexa and make sure she was okay. That she hadn’t gone and done something in her anger. She knew what it felt like to want to be alone and it could hurt more than it helped. Clarke pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she reached Lexa’s number. And she quickly typed.

 

**Clarke Griffin 1:34 PM- If you want to talk, I’m here. I really hope you come to Raven’s later tonight.**

 

Her thumb hovered over the send button. Would this just push her away from them more?

 

“Send it.” Octavia’s voice startled her. Clarke glanced up from her phone and met Octavia’s soft stare. The pitcher motioned to Clarke’s phone. “I think it’ll help her know she hasn’t pushed you away.”

 

Clarke looked back down at the text and pressed send.

 

“Come on, you guys. Let’s go grab your stuff for tonight and head to my house. I know we have leftover alcohol from the party and I think it’ll be needed tonight.” Raven stood up from her seat on the bleachers.

 

Octavia and Clarke did the same, stretching their legs while Raven began walking to the parking lot. Before Clarke could follow after her friend, Octavia grabbed her hand and stopped her.

 

“Octavia, wh-”

 

“Clarke.” Octavia stared at her intently. Clarke swallowed nervously at how intimidating she looked. “Lexa doesn’t open up to anyone, especially about this. She’s my best friend and I’ll stand by her no matter what. So please, if she let’s you in tonight, don’t make her regret it.” Octavia clenched her jaw, a flicker of worry in her eyes. She slowly released Clarke’s hand.

 

“I wouldn’t.” Clarke told her quietly. Clarke wanted to be mad that Octavia would even suggest such a thing, that she would think Clarke would be capable of betraying Lexa like that. But Clarke knew that it was coming from a place in Octavia that loved and cared deeply. She’s grown up with Lexa and Clarke knew that Octavia would do anything to protect her.

 

Clarke took Octavia’s hand in her own and gently squeezed it, trying to reassure her. “I wouldn’t do that.” Clarke repeated the words once more.

 

Octavia took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.” She looked over at the parking lot and saw that Raven was already in her car. She picked up her bag on threw the strap over her shoulder.

 

Together, they walked to the parking lot, a new understanding between them.

 

\--

 

Lexa couldn’t remember the last time she had a panic attack. She couldn’t remember the burning sensation in her chest and the feeling of not being able to draw air into her lungs. Or how her hands trembled, trying to find something to hold on to so she wouldn’t fall or curl into herself. Or how tears started to form at the corner of her eyes. But now, in private, as she walked through the door of her room, she finally remembered. Because there was absolutely no way she would have felt this in public.

 

Lexa tossed her bags across the room and tried to slow her breathing, but she couldn’t stop. The tightness in her chest felt like it was constricting her heart and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

 

There were too many emotions she felt; they all hit her at once, invading every part of her. Seething anger coursed through her veins. Sadness bled into her heart. Guilt embedded itself into her stomach. And pain cloaked her body, encasing them like a box that she couldn’t open. Lexa had no way of letting out every single emotion she was feeling, so she simply sat down on her floor, her back against her bed, bringing her knees to her chest. She clutched her head in her hands and shut her eyes, dizziness taking over. She knew if she opened them, the dizziness would cause even more nausea. She could feel her heart beating, the sound pulsing in her ears, blocking out any sound.

 

Seeing Neva earlier wasn’t what set her off. Lexa could handle the dishonorable Glacier. She had been dealing with her since she they were both freshman and made varsity on their respective teams.

 

But how dare she mention Costia, after what she did to her. How dare she mock the pain she felt. Lexa pressed the grip of her hands as she remembered that day on the baseball field. She squeezed her eyes tighter trying to block out the memory, but it still played, clear as when it happened. She remembered looking through her catcher’s mask, past Octavia on the mound, as she saw her girlfriend about to make the most vital tag of the season. At that moment, she had felt an overwhelming sense of pride. And then she remembered Costia’s cry of pain when Neva slid into her.

 

Lexa whimpered and wrapped her arms around her knees, making herself as small as possible. Her arms tightened around her legs so hard she felt them begin to burn in pain. Her body trembled as she tried shaking the screams of pain from her head.

 

Kaiser silently walked into the bedroom, his paws padding on the carpet. He had been outside in the backyard when Lexa came barreling into the house. But he recognized her scent the minute he came back inside and searched the house for her. And now, making his way to Lexa, he whimpered. Kaiser slowly approached her small frame on the ground. Then he nudged his nose under her crossed arms, letting out another small whine, trying to worm his way closer to her.

 

Lexa didn’t register the whines coming from her dog. But she felt the strong push of his nose. It took a few more nudges from the German Shepard, but she slowly uncrossed her arms. She opened her eyes and as soon as she saw his face, her lips curled into a minuscule smile. She opened her arms and let Kaiser press himself into her chest and hugged him. She didn’t move an inch, letting Kaiser curl into her. He stayed still, allowing Lexa to hold him as long as she needed.

 

Lexa pressed into his fur, just relaxing into the warmth. After a few minutes of holding on to her dog, she unraveled her arms from Kaiser and brought her hand up to scratch behind his ears in thanks. “Thank you for always being here, little man.” Kaiser stared up at her affectionately and licked her cheek. He sat down next to Lexa and stayed there, letting her rest against him in comfort.

 

Lexa began controlling her breathing, filling her lungs and slowly exhaling.

 

In then out.

 

In then out.

 

The panic she had felt earlier dissipated with every passing minute. She ran her fingers through Kaiser’s fur in time with her breathing.

 

Gradually, her breaths became normal and she allowed her mind to roam, not wanting to think of anything specific. But it didn’t stay that way for long. Not when Neva had triggered so many memories and past feelings from her. About Costia.

 

After a year and a half, Lexa had fallen in love with Costia. And it had felt amazing to have someone care and love her apart from her family of her Uncle Gustus and Octavia. Costia taught Lexa to take chances when she normally wouldn’t. Lexa remembered playing baseball together for almost two years. She remembered the bright smile that would grace Costia’s face every time she made an out or got a hit. She never boasted or retaliated against the opposing team. She supported everyone and just cared about the game. And that just made Lexa fall in love with her and baseball even more.

 

When Costia had left six months ago, it broke Lexa’s heart. She had isolated herself much like she had at this moment. She remembered Costia’s tearstained face as she kissed her one last time before walking away from Lexa’s door. The baseball captain pleaded with her to talk for just five minutes, but Costia simply got into the passenger seat of her parents’ car and drove away.

 

She had barely spoken to Octavia in those first few weeks of summer after Costia moved away, choosing to stay at home or practice on her own. Her Uncle Gustus tried to convince her to see Octavia, but Lexa chose to ignore his advice. After three weeks, Octavia knocked on her door and waited outside until Lexa opened it and talked to her, even if it was just to sit together in silence. Eventually, Lexa allowed herself to break down in Octavia’s arms, letting all of the emotions that she had been holding in pour out. That was the last time she had cried for Costia.

 

After that incident, Lexa made her presence scarce, only choosing to see her Uncle and Octavia. She numbed herself to attachments because they always ended up leaving her. She numbed her emotions because they only distracted her from doing what needed to be done. And she hardened her heart.

 

Baseball tryouts had been the one major event she had been to in these six months and that was because nothing would’ve stopped her from playing the sport she loved, as much as it hurt. She hardly went out except for attending school. And that was it. That was how she’d live her life until she went off to college.

 

Until she hit Clarke with that damn baseball…

Lexa let her head fall back onto the edge of her bed.

 

And there it was again. That chip in her armor, weakening what Lexa had worked so long to harden. For six months, Lexa suppressed everything. And she was tired. Tired of always hiding herself with a mask of indifference. And now, Lexa was willing to admit it: Clarke made her want to feel again. Feel freedom.

 

Lexa looked up at the ceiling and sighed, letting her body settle down.

 

After meeting Clarke, Lexa allowed herself to smile and laugh again, something she hadn’t thought she would ever do after Costia had left. Lexa’s heart beat faster when the artist was around and she missed that feeling. When Lexa was on the field confronting Neva, Clarke had willingly put herself into the situation, trying to hold her back from punching the Glacier captain. During that moment, Lexa hadn’t been in the right mind space, letting the resentment she tried to hide leak out. And Clarke clearly recognized it. Lexa cursed at herself for snapping at her. Now, here she was, angry with herself for causing that flash of pain in Clarke’s eyes. Here she was, wanting to apologize and see that beautiful smile again.

 

Lexa pulled out her phone to check the time when she noticed that she had a message from Clarke. She hadn’t even felt her phone vibrate. She opened the text and read it quickly.

 

**Clarke Griffin 1:34 PM- If you want to talk, I’m here. I really hope you come to Raven’s later tonight.**

 

Lexa felt a small wave of relief run through her. Lexa was concerned that the incident on the field might’ve pushed Clarke away. The text didn’t mention anything about if she was mad at her so Lexa still felt worry, but this was a good sign. She hoped.

 

And in that moment, Lexa knew she wanted to go to Raven’s that night. Not just to see Clarke, though Lexa will admit the blonde is a major part of the choice. But as Octavia had mentioned the night before the party of letting people in, while Lexa was horrible at doing exactly that, she was willing to try. Try letting in friends that she pushed had pushed away. And Lexa was going to try, starting tonight.

 

Lexa slowly pushed herself off her bedroom floor; her arms still weak, and sat on the edge of her bed. She patted her comforter, “Kaiser.” The dog carefully jumped onto the bed and turned to lie down next to her, pressing against her thighs. Her hands had stopped trembling, so she lazily took off her cap and removed her hair from the band it was tied in.

 

Lexa lay down and felt the warmth from Kaiser’s body. She closed her eyes and took a few more deep breaths. And slowly, her mind drifted off into sleep.

 

\--

 

At around 7:30, Lexa gripped the steering wheel tight as she drove to Raven’s house. She could feel her stomach turn the closer she got. And before she knew it, she was pulling up to an empty parking space across the house. She turned off the ignition and stared out her window at the building. Lexa assumed that Octavia and Clarke were already here.

 

Lexa quickly checked herself in the rearview mirror and took a deep breath. She grabbed her bag from the backseat and got out of her car, not wanting to give herself a chance to find some reason for bowing out.

 

Lexa walked up the driveway towards the house and tensely clutched the handle of her bag. She could feel her nerves all over her body, as she grew closer to the door. Then she raised her hand and knocked three times. She could hear a small laugh come up to the door. It opened and Lexa was faced with Raven, a wide smile on her face.

 

“Good evening, Raven.”

 

“Hey, Lexa. I’m glad you came. Come on in.” Raven opened the door further and turned to the side, letting Lexa walk in.

 

“Thank you for inviting me. It was very kind.”

 

“Hey, what are friends for?” Raven sent Lexa an understanding look and gently nudged her upper arm.

 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the term. Friends.

 

Raven tilted her head, “Clarke and Octavia are in the living room.”

 

Raven led Lexa into the living room where Clarke and Octavia were sitting comfortably on the longest couch, both in sweats and t-shirts.

 

“Lexa!” Octavia immediately stood up from the couch and walked over to Lexa. She pulled her into a hug, “You came.”

 

Lexa nodded and let go of her best friend. “I did. I took your advice and decided to stop isolating myself. Be with friends.”

 

Octavia held her by her forearms, “How’re you doing?”

 

Lexa looked down at the floor. “Not very good. But I know it will pass.”

 

Clarke watched the two baseball players from her place on the couch, a soft smile on her face, not wanting to interrupt. She couldn’t help the pang in chest as she remembered Lexa’s cold eyes staring at her during the confrontation with Neva. Clarke knew she it was coming from a bad place and she understood the anger, but it still hurt. But now, as she carefully studied Lexa’s face and her posture; she had washed up and changed, everything screamed grief and exhaustion. Still, she could recognize a small flicker of hope behind Lexa’s green eyes and Clarke felt for her.

 

Raven spoke up, “Why don’t we start with something to drink. Lexa?”

 

Lexa turned to Raven. “That actually sounds like a good idea.”

 

Clapping her hands together, Raven gestured to the kitchen. “Then might I suggest, we move this to the kitchen?”

 

Lexa lifted her bag. “Can I put this in your room before?”

 

“Yeah, totally. You know where it is.”

 

Octavia brought Lexa into another brief hug and rubbed her shoulder. Then she followed Raven into the kitchen. Clarke stood up from her place on the couch and walked towards Lexa in the opening of the living room.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa couldn’t help the awkward feeling that she felt between them.

 

“I know Raven and Octavia already told you, but I’m glad you decided to come.”

 

Clarke gave her a quick smile that Lexa saw behind easily: hurt. Before she could respond, Clarke crossed her arms and began making her way to the kitchen. A chill ran through Lexa’s body. Lexa knew that Clarke was probably still upset about Lexa snapping at her on the baseball field. And she knew she needed to apologize.

 

Lexa walked up to Raven’s room and placed her bag on the bed. She changed into a pair of leggings and a clean baseball t-shirt. She quickly threw on her Grounders’ sweatshirt and went downstairs.

 

Octavia had taken a seat on top of the island in the middle of kitchen, swinging her legs as she waited for Raven to get out the bottles of liquor from the bottom cabinets. Clarke leaned against a counter, her arms still crossed, almost as if she wanted to keep everything away from her, or maybe just Lexa.

 

When Octavia saw Lexa she patted the spot next to her on the island for her to sit down. Lexa sighed and instead, took her place next to Octavia, leaning up against her side. Octavia threw an arm around Lexa and help her close. Lexa welcomed the embrace and just relaxed into her best friend.

 

“So what are we drinking, Reyes?”

 

Raven stood up and turned to face her friends with a huge grin on her face. She held two almost full bottles of vodka. Clarke went to the refrigerator to look for something to mix it with while Lexa grabbed four cups.

 

“Good enough for you, O?” Raven teased.

 

Octavia slid off the island and grabbed one of the bottles.

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

Lexa walked over and lined the four cups as each person chose their mixer. After filling their cups, they circled around the island.

 

Raven raised her drink. “To friends.”

 

Octavia raised hers next. “To kicking ass and being the better person.”

 

Clarke quickly glanced at Lexa who was looking down at her cup. “To those we’ve lost.”

 

Lexa’s head snapped up. Her eyes met Clarke’s, a worried glint in her eyes. She looked around at her friends and felt a wave of comfort wash over her.

 

Lexa found her voice, no matter how small. “And to those we shall soon find.”

 

Octavia looked at her best friend and smiled. “Fuck yeah.”

 

At the last toast, all four girls took a drink from their cup. Lexa felt the alcohol burn down her throat. Raven laughed as she wiped the side of her mouth. She picked up the bottle of vodka and motioned her head towards the living room.

 

“C’mon, let’s move this back somewhere more comfy.”

 

Octavia and Raven led them back into the next room. Raven had sat in the single seated couch and draped her legs off the edge, while Octavia took her place in the longer of the couches. Clarke made her way to the loveseat and now Lexa was stuck.

 

If she sat on a different couch from Clarke, would she think she was avoiding her?  But if she sat on the same one as the blonde, would that make her feel uncomfortable? Lexa made up her mind without overthinking it further and sat next to her best friend.

 

Lexa glanced at Clarke as she sat down and thought she saw a split second of disappointment.

 

Octavia stretched out her legs and nudged Lexa’s thigh to get her attention.

 

“I know today was rough, Lexa. But know that you’re safe here.”

 

“And we don’t have to talk about anything if you want.” Raven chimed in. “We can just get wasted.”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh. “I appreciate that. While I might want to talk about things later, the latter sounds like a better idea right now.”

 

Raven hopped off the small couch and went over to the television. “So Harry Potter drinking game it is.” Raven searched through her DVDs. “Suggestions?”

 

Clarke raised her cup. “I vote Goblet of Fire.”

 

“Chamber of Secrets! The basilisk is fucking awesome.” Octavia wiggled her eyebrows.

 

“Lexa, you’ve got the deciding vote.”

 

Lexa enjoyed the film series. Which teenager didn’t love them? But she did lean more towards, “Goblet of Fire.”

 

Octavia kicked her again, “Ass.”

 

Lexa smirked at her best friend. “I’m sorry Octavia, but who doesn’t enjoy the Triwizard Tournament?”

 

“Or dragons, right?” Clarke threw out, catching Lexa’s eyes.

 

Lexa met her gaze and couldn’t help but stare for a few seconds. “Clarke has the right idea.”

 

Clarke brought her drink to her lips and took another swig, keeping eye contact with the baseball captain. She broke the connection as Raven started the movie.

 

“Let’s do this!” Raven quickly turned off the lights before skipping back to her seat.

 

The screen brightened as the opening credits rolled. Then the ominous score filled the room as the scene opened to the dark cemetery centering on the Riddle’s family grave. 

 

Octavia scooted back until she was leaning her back against Lexa, using the side of her body as a pillow.

 

As soon as the sound of Parseltongue was spoken everyone drank twice.

 

Lexa tried to relax as the alcohol warmed her body. The night had already started to help her mood. Lexa was surrounded by people that cared about her. And she was happy. But as she looked at Clarke for a brief moment, Lexa knew her night wouldn’t be completely right until she spoke with her.

 

As Voldemort used the killing curse on the old caretaker, loud sighs echoed out.

 

“This is going to be a long night.”

 

And then everyone downed their drinks.

 

\--

 

Clarke was now thinking that the fourth movie was probably not the best choice since practically every scene had something that made them drink. She sat with her legs crossed and a tight grip on her cup as they watched Dumbledore call Harry’s name from the Goblet.

 

“The rule says we need to drink every time someone says his full name, but c’mon. I don’t feel like dying from this one scene.”

 

“Rules are rules, Griffin.” Octavia stated, her voice muffled as she drank three times.

 

Clarke groaned and brought the cup to her lips, the liquid burning its way down her throat. 30 minutes into the movie and already, she could feel the drunkenness creeping up on her. Clarke shook her head, trying to center herself. But her mind wandered, and quickly, Clarke found herself paying little attention to the movie.

 

Instead, she turned to subtly look at Lexa. The television screen lit half of the baseball captain’s face, casting a shadow. Her eyes appeared soft and but her body still looked tired.

 

Clarke will admit, she tried to hide her disappointment when Lexa chose to sit next to Octavia instead of her. Was Lexa avoiding her? Clarke quickly pushed it away. Lexa needed her best friend right now.

 

Clarke swallowed as she remembered the things Octavia had told her. Maybe it was the alcohol that was driving her emotions, but Clarke felt an overwhelming sense of sadness as she saw a small smile grace Lexa’s face. Lexa had been through so much, the loss of her parents, the loss of her first love, and now for that to just be rubbed in her face by Neva… How was she not broken? Lexa deserved better than that. But still, here she was smiling at Raven’s comment about how Dumbledore was supposed to ask, _calmly,_ if Harry had put his name in the Goblet.

 

Clarke wanted nothing more than to talk to Lexa about everything, but now wasn’t the time. So here she sat, mind beginning to glaze and her heart racing. So she made a decision.

 

“Hey, I’ll be right back.”

 

Raven looked at her. “You okay?”

 

Clarke stood up from the couch. “Yeah, I just need some water.”

 

“Want us to pause the movie?”

 

“No that’s fine. Keep watching.”

 

Clarke made her way out of the living room and towards the kitchen. But she needed to be further away. Further from the noise.

 

Lexa turned her neck, watching Clarke leave the room. Her stomach began to twist in nervousness and she tightened the grip on her drink. She knew that snapping at Clarke might’ve upset her, but Lexa couldn’t help but feel that something else was bothering her. She wanted to apologize, but find out what else was wrong.

 

Octavia tugged on the bottom of Lexa’s sweatshirt. “Captain. Now’s probably the best time if you wanted to talk to her.”

 

Lexa looked down at her best friend. How Octavia could always tell what she was thinking, Lexa will never know. Maybe after all these years, they’d developed some sort of telepathy. And tonight, Lexa couldn’t be more grateful for it. Lexa nodded and moved out from under Octavia, careful to place her drink on the side of the couch.

 

“Is everyone taking a break? Rita’s coming up.” Raven tossed up. Octavia sent her a quick glare that Raven could easily see in the darkness.

 

Lexa stumbled up from the sofa and followed after Clarke.

 

\--

 

Clarke walked up the stairs and found Raven’s room, finally far enough that the sounds from the TV couldn’t reach her. She turned on the lamp beside the bed, illuminating half the bedroom. Clarke placed her drink on the desk and made her way to Raven’s bed.  She sat on the edge and let her hands fall to her sides, gripping the comforter, and let out a shaky breath. But her stomach still twisted and her heart still felt hollow. The small trace of hurt from the baseball field still lingered, but the pain from the realization of what Lexa has endured felt fresh.

 

Clarke stood up from the bed and pushed her shoulder’s back, stretching them out. Several picture frames on Raven’s bookcase drew her attention. She took a few steps and faced them. There were a couple with Raven and Octavia. One showed Octavia giving Raven a piggyback ride, wide smiles on both their faces. Another picture showed mostly Jasper’s face in the bottom left corner with Raven and Monty squished next to him and what looked like Bellamy and Octavia arguing in the background. Clarke smiled. Her friends had such a great history together.

 

A group photo behind the rest caught her eye. Clarke managed to reach for the frame without knocking down the rest. There was dust on the glass that Clarke wiped off with her fingertips. It was the entire group standing together, side-by-side. They were all years younger and drenched from head to toe. Raven had her arms thrown around Octavia and Jasper, one on of either of her sides. Monty was next to his best friend, followed by Bellamy, then Lincoln.

 

But what made Clarke’s eyes widen were the two girls next to Octavia. It was Lexa. Her lips were turned upwards in a small smile. And it was genuine, like the smiles she had seen on the trampoline or when they had met during her baseball practice by the fence of the backstop. She looked like the weight of the world wasn’t on her shoulders. There wasn’t the hardness or uncertainty in her eyes that lingered now. Then she noticed the girl beside Lexa.

 

_Costia_. They were about the same height. Her arm was wrapped around Lexa’s side. She had brown skin and black curly hair that was tied up in a ponytail. Her smile was wide and bright, showing off her teeth. She was gorgeous.

 

“I remember when that photo was taken. It was the summer going into our junior year. It had taken some convincing for me to go out that day.”

 

Clarke almost dropped the photo at the sudden voice. She turned and saw Lexa leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed. She looked calmer than she had been the whole night, but still exhausted.

 

“Bellamy and Lincoln were going into their senior year. Octavia into her sophomore.”

 

Lexa uncrossed her arms and walked toward Clarke. She took the photo from Clarke’s hands. A nostalgic look ghosted over her face.

 

“I’m assuming Octavia told you about her.” Lexa traced the frame. “About Costia.”

 

Clarke noticed the trembling in Lexa’s voice and her heart hurt once more.

 

“Yeah she did.”

 

Lexa slowly placed the photo back behind the rest. “I’m surprised Raven still has this picture.” She stared at the photo for a bit longer, lost in her thoughts.

 

Clarke waited in silence. Waited for Lexa to say something. Anything.

 

“I wanted to apologize, Clarke.”

 

Clarke stepped back, almost tripping over her own feet at Lexa’s words. The buzz from the alcohol wasn’t helping. An apology was the last thing she expected to hear from the baseball captain.

 

“What?”

 

“For earlier, at the field. I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Lexa took a breath. “I know you were only trying to help me and the situation.”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Lexa, you don’t have to-”

 

“You didn’t deserve that.” Lexa cut her off. Her eyes bore into blue.

 

Clarke felt the emotion behind Lexa’s voice. She didn’t know what else to say so she just nodded.

 

“I can’t help but feel that something else is wrong Clarke.”

 

Clarke bit her lip and stood in silence.

 

When Lexa saw that Clarke wasn’t about to say anything, she continued. “I let my emotions get the better of me and shouldn’t have reacted that way. To you or to Neva.”

 

Clarke opened her mouth in confusion. There it was. _How had Lexa not reacted further?_

 

“What? No way, she deserved that and more.”

 

Lexa let out a shaky breath and walked towards the bed.

 

“That anger you saw. It did nothing but escalate an already bad situation.”

 

Clarke stood there in shock. “Lexa, you can’t just push back your emotions. Neva said something fucked up. Hell, she deserved to get punched.”

 

“I couldn’t let myself do that.”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Why not? Clarke felt that Lexa was about to open up and she was ready. Ready to trust and accept anything she told her. No judgment.

 

“If Octavia told you about Costia, then surely she told you about what happened after the ambulance left.”

 

“You guys-”

 

Lexa’s head snapped up to face Clarke. “We lost. _I_ struck out.”

 

Clarke waited for Lexa to continue. When she didn’t seem like she was going to, Clarke sat down next to her. Their arms brushed against the other.

 

Lexa took a deep breath. “I lost my team that championship because I let my emotions cloud my judgment.”

 

And that was what drew the line for Clarke.

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“Lexa, you were worried because your girlfriend was just driven off in an ambulance because a cheater injured her on purpose.”

 

“I was about to punch Neva immediately after what happened to Costia. I only stopped myself because Costia cried out and it broke me. And then after she was taken away, my feelings took over and I couldn’t focus. I struck out because my mind was somewhere else. I was distracted. I was…” Lexa’s words began to slur together.

 

“Those that you love, leave you. I’ve learned to accept that. When Costia left…” Lexa paused. “Pushing back those feelings protects you. It’s how I can concentrate; make decisions that I know will help either my team or myself.”

 

She clasped her hands together. “Feelings do nothing but weaken.”

 

Clarke was happy to let Lexa talk to her about this, but she couldn’t help but stop her. Clarke reached out and took Lexa’s hands in her own.

 

“Lexa, please. You can’t think that.”

 

Lexa looked up at the feeling of warmth from the new hands and was met with Clarke’s face within inches of hers. She could feel Clarke’s breath against her and smell the alcohol.

 

“How does Octavia make you feel? How does your team make you feel?” Clarke continued on. “Those feelings don’t make you weak. They give you strength. They help you push on. Look at tonight. You opened yourself up to people who care. Sure, there’s pain in the world but that’s what makes us human. We can’t just numb ourselves, Lexa.”

 

“I know that you think feelings and emotions might be distracting. I know that what happened with Neva and Costia caused this, but…”

 

Clarke shifted her hands so that she could intertwine their fingers.

 

“You make me weak, Clarke.” Lexa whispered.

 

Clarke stilled at the words that left Lexa’s lips.

 

Lexa knew it was probably the alcohol that was giving her the confidence to say this, but she couldn’t keep it in. Maybe Clarke wouldn’t remember this in the morning, who knows.  At this moment, Lexa didn’t care.

 

Clarke's mind went spiraling, trying to figure out what Lexa meant. Did she mean that she felt something for her? Clarke had no clue what to say, but she strung enough words together. 

 

“Is it weakness though?” Clarke managed to speak.

 

Lexa’s eyes glanced down at Clarke’s lips. A few more inches and she could close the distance. Was she ready to kiss Clarke Griffin? After exposing herself? Her heart was beating so strong, she was sure that Clarke would be able to hear it. Her hands felt hot in Clarke’s and her breathing almost stopped.

 

 Clarke saw Lexa about to lean in, but also saw the uncertainty flicker in her eyes. Clarke wanted nothing more that to kiss Lexa right at this moment. But she couldn’t.

 

Clarke spoke up. “I think we should get back downstairs. Raven and Octavia might be wondering where we are.”

 

Lexa moved back and bit her lip; almost as if she was realizing what she was about to do. She gently pulled her hands out of Clarke’s and nodded. She was about to kiss Clarke… She wanted to kiss Clarke. She felt like there was electricity running through her body. Excitement filled her. Lexa felt hope.

 

“You’re right.” She stood up and ran her fingers through her hair.

 

Clarke didn’t want there to be an awkwardness surrounding them because if today was any example, she didn’t want to be away from the baseball player.

 

“Lexa?”

 

Lexa looked down at Clarke. “I’m fine, Clarke. This conversation helped more than you know. So, thank you.”

 

“I’m here for you, Lexa. For whatever you need.” Clarke stood up, her legs a bit shaky from the combination of the vodka and their almost kiss. A shiver ran through her body and she regretted not bringing a jacket.

 

Lexa noticed and began removing her sweatshirt.

 

Clarke saw Lexa lifting the clothing. “You don’t have to do that.” Clarke tried placing her hand to stop her, but Lexa ignored her. She took off the sweatshirt and held it out for Clarke to take.

 

“I’m happy to.” Lexa’s lips twitched into a smile.

 

Clarke took the sweatshirt and put it on. Immediately she was met with warmth and Lexa’s scent. It was a mixture of laundry detergent and freshly cut grass. And Clarke knew she couldn’t get enough.

 

“Thanks, Lexa.”

 

There was no awkwardness between them. Clarke felt a new sense of closeness and understanding with Lexa. She felt glad that Lexa could open up to her and trust her with this. Whatever this was leading to between them, Clarke knew she was happy. Clarke felt her heart leap at Lexa’s small smile that graced her face as she motioned for the stairs. The two girls made their way back downstairs into the living room.

 

Octavia and Raven said nothing when Lexa sat on the same couch as Clarke. Or when they saw that Clarke was wearing Lexa’s Grounder sweatshirt. Octavia’s eyes practically bulged out of her head when she saw the familiar black and green. She casually turned to look at Raven who was simply watching the movie but had an obvious smirk on her face. Octavia looked once more at her best friend sitting a few inches away from Clarke. Lexa finally looked relaxed. She started to look free.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I want to apologize for this chapter's delay. I had finals and then a graduation in the family. I was extremely busy. But, now I am done with my first year of college and free for the summer! So updates should be back every week as scheduled! 
> 
> Let me know what you think? And until next time! I appreciate all the reviews, kudos, and subs! 
> 
> As usual, you can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) come rant about clexa to me or just say hi :)


	6. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. I deeply apologize for the wait and for any mistakes.

Clarke slowly opened her eyes and was met with a face full of cushion from the couch. She twisted her body around slowly and immediately felt the muscles in her back begin to ache. Sleeping on a couch for the night would do that to someone.

 

As Clarke looked across the living room, she saw Octavia; limbs sprawled out on the opposite couch. She could hear Raven snoring from somewhere behind her.

 

But underneath the loud snores coming from her best friend, Clarke could hear soft, even breaths from the floor. And then Clarke remembered…

_It was almost 4 A.M. and Lexa and Clarke were the last ones awake. Raven had put on The Chamber of Secrets at Octavia’s request, but the two fell asleep about 20 minutes in._

_“Clarke, really, it’s no problem.”_

_“Lexa, you can’t sleep on the floor. You’re gonna get cold and hurt in the morning.”_

_Clarke sat up on the couch and watched as Lexa slowly slid off the edge, pulling one of the cushions with her. The baseball captain plopped onto the floor and turned to give Clarke a reassuring smile. She could tell Lexa was still a bit drunk, but that didn’t stop her stubbornness._

_Before Clarke could object again, Lexa lay across the carpeted floor and looked up at her. The light from the TV illuminated Lexa’s face enough now that Clarke could see her giving a mocking expression._

_“I would go to sleep soon if I were you, Clarke.”_

_Clarke shook her head, feeling the alcohol begin to make her tired._

_“Fine, fine. But don’t get mad at me when you’re all sore tomorrow.”_

_And with that she laid down on the couch. She couldn’t see Lexa anymore, but Clarke knew that she was right there beside the couch._

_“Goodnight, Clarke.”_

_“Goodnight, Lexa.”_

_And then Clarke closed her eyes and let her consciousness gradually fade._

 

Clarke slowly rolled to the edge of the couch and peeked over, taking in the sight before her. And Clarke’s heart melted.

 

Lexa was still fast asleep on the floor right beside the couch. She was lying on her side, her hands resting beside her face. Her tousled hair fell around and framed her face. Her closed eyes were soft and her lips were parted slightly. Clarke couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. Not just beautiful, but peaceful, like a regular teenager without a care in the world. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and trace her fingertips across Lexa’s cheek, but that might be kind of creepy now that she thought about it…

 

Instead, Clarke just took in the moment of watching Lexa sleep, her chest slowly rising and falling.

 

A loud groan from the opposite couch brought Clarke out of her thoughts. She looked across the room to see Octavia sitting up, her hair falling out of her bun and going everywhere. Octavia’s eyes were squinted as she turned her head to take in the sight before her.

 

“Morning.” Clarke whispered out to which Octavia gave a grunt in reply.

 

“Too much last night?”

 

“I swear Harry Potter just fucks you up.”

 

Octavia turned to look at Raven who was curled up on the single-seater couch. And then a mischievous grin etched its way onto her face.

 

“Octavia…”

 

The junior brushed Clarke off and quickly grabbed a pillow. With lightning speed, she launched it at Raven’s head.

 

The pillow made a direct hit resulting in a low growl from their friend. Raven raised her head slowly from being tucked in her arms, a menacing look on her face.

 

“If I’m up then that means you’re up.” Octavia stated while stretching her arms, a grin on her face.

 

Raven flipped her off and began untangling herself from the small couch.

 

“Love you too, Reyes.” Octavia blew her a kiss.

 

“Hey, nice sweatshirt you got there, Griffin.” Octavia teased, still aware that Lexa was asleep.

 

And Clarke hurried to explain. “Oh the sweatshirt? Yeah Lexa just-”

 

“Mhm yeah. I have all I need to know right in front of me.” Octavia gestured to the familiar green and black she knew all too well.

 

Raven smirked at Clarke, raising her eyebrows up and down mockingly.

 

“Ugh, I hate both of you. What time is it?” Clarke asked before her friends could continue.

 

Octavia pulled out her phone from between the couch cushions and checked.

 

“Holy shit it’s one.”

 

“Yikes.” Raven stumbled as she tried to stand up.

 

“Uh, well I’m still kinda drunk.” Raven muttered. When she caught herself on the side of the couch, she stretched her body upwards, shaking the sleep from her body.

 

“I can’t believe Lexa’s still asleep. She’s usually up at the crack of dawn.” Octavia looked down at her best friend still fast asleep.

 

“Alcohol will do that to you.” Raven pointed out.

 

“Yeah, plus Lexa’s not much of a drinker.”

 

“Can we promise that we’re not drinking like that again until Christmas Eve cause I think I’m gonna have a three day long hangover.”

 

Christmas Eve… Clarke couldn’t wait to see everyone and exchange presents. Then Clarke suddenly remembered-

 

“The telescope!” She quickly threw her hand over her mouth; scared she accidently woke Lexa up. How the hell could she have forgotten the telescope? Clarke mentally slapped herself.

 

Octavia and Raven looked at her confused.

 

“What telescope?” Raven asked in full volume.

 

Clarke waved her hands to stop Raven. “Shut up!”

 

Raven threw her arms up in surrender, not knowing what the hell Clarke was talking about.

 

“I wanna know too!” Octavia yelled out.

 

Clarke was about to throw a pillow at Octavia to make her stop talking so loudly, but it was too late and the damage had been done.

 

Clarke could hear a yawn come from the floor.

 

Lexa tiredly pushed herself up on her elbows, her eyes still closed. Clarke wanted to laugh at how sleepy she looked.

 

The baseball captain opened her eyes slowly, trying to adjust them to the light shining through the window. Her first instinct was to prepare herself for Kaiser to jump at her, but then after a second she remembered she wasn’t at her home. She had slept over at Raven’s with everyone. Including Clarke.

 

Lexa looked to her left and saw an anxious smile coming from the girl who not too long ago was in a certain dream involving flying submarines. She didn’t even pay attention to the pain her back was currently in. But the worry on Clarke’s face was something that caught her attention.

 

While Lexa woke up with a smile, Clarke was internally freaking out.

 

“Good morning everyone.” Lexa looked around the living room and then back at the blonde. “Clarke.”

 

Clarke smiled back at Lexa, trying to hide the panic she was currently feeling.

 

“Now that I don’t have to whisper; what were you saying about-”

 

“My mom!” Clarke shouted out, cutting off Raven.

 

It was the first thing that came to mind and now she just had to roll with the lie. Well technically she was just substituting her mom for Lexa.

 

“I forgot that I had to pick up a present for my mom this afternoon.”

 

Lexa sat all the way and crossed her legs, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and listening to Clarke. Though she had just woken up, she could feel the nervousness coming from Clarke immediately.

 

“Sorry guys, but I have to go.” Careful not to step on Lexa, Clarke stood up from the couch.

 

“You’re going to the mall right now?” Octavia lay back down on the couch. “I can’t even move. Have Raven give you a ride at least.”

 

“Wait, but I’m still-”

 

“Awesome! Alright, Raven I’m gonna use your shower!” And with that, Clarke kissed Raven on the head and walked out of the living room and upstairs.

 

Lexa pushed herself off the floor and sat on the couch, thankful to have the soft cushion beneath her.

 

“Hey there Cap.”

 

“Did Clarke say she needed to go somewhere?”

 

Octavia nodded. “Yup, I guess she has one last present to get.” Octavia stood and quickly hopped onto the same couch Lexa was on.

 

“Which reminds me; what are you doing Christmas Eve?”

 

Lexa stared at her best friend. “Octavia you know-”

 

Octavia shook her head. “I mean after the delivery. You know our annual X-Mas Eve party is always on the table.”

 

“Honestly Octavia, it’s alright. I’d rather stay at home.”

 

“Are you sure cause Clarke’s going to be there.”

 

Lexa glared at the pitcher. “You know, Octavia, that reason won’t always work.”

 

“I think it will…”

 

The thought of hitting her friend with a pillow crossed Lexa’s mind several times because Octavia was partly right.

 

“I don’t know yet, okay? I’ll speak with my Uncle about it.”

 

Octavia high-fived herself. “Awesome. Now that just leaves Clarke’s little errand.”

 

“I can’t drive her. I’m hungover and still kinda drunk. No driving for this one.” Raven muttered from her spot.

 

Lexa spared a glance to where Clarke had left and began playing with her fingers. Clarke sounded really worried about forgetting to pick up her mother’s present. And Christmas was an important holiday to most; Lexa could understand that. She didn’t want for Clarke’s to be ruined in the slightest. She took a breath as Octavia and Raven kept talking.

 

And then under her breath, “I can drive Clarke over.”

 

Raven and Octavia shared an amused look.

 

“That’s generous. Are you sure though?”

 

Lexa nodded at Raven’s question. “You can’t drive, not while you’re feeling ill. I don’t mind.”

 

Lexa stood up from the couch. “I would like to shower before, if it’s not too much trouble.”

 

With an amused expression, Raven staggered off the couch and motioned for Lexa to follow her.

 

“C’mon capitán. There’s a tiny shower down here.”

 

Lexa stood up and smiled at the brunette. “I’m just going to grab my bag. I’ll be right back.”

 

When Lexa exited the living room, Octavia and Raven shared a knowing look.

 

“This Christmas is gonna be so interesting.”

 

“Yeah it is.” Octavia mumbled as she threw a pillow over her face.

 

\--

 

Lexa bounded up the stairs, nerves filling her stomach. She heard the shower still running from the bathroom next to Raven’s room. She quickly entered the bedroom and closed the door.

 

A smile worked its way onto her face as she realized that this would be the first time her and Clarke would be together, alone. Well, since last night in Raven’s room; this exact room. Lexa sat on the bed, in the same spot she had taken last night.

 

Lexa could feel her cheeks redden at the realization that she had almost kissed Clarke. She brought her fingertips to her lips and pressed against them, imagining how Clarke’s might’ve felt if she hadn’t stopped her from continuing. Lexa was intoxicated in that moment, but she had never been surer of the fact that she wanted to kiss Clarke.

 

Clarke had leaned in as well, that night. So maybe, Clarke wanted her too. And Lexa smiled.

 

Lost in her daydreams of kissing a certain blonde, Lexa didn’t hear the bedroom door open.

 

It wasn’t until she heard, “Oh shit,” that she looked up.

 

And there was Clarke.

 

In a towel.

 

Wet. Water droplets running down her neck.

 

For a split second, Lexa could feel her brain short-circuit as she took in the sight of the girl she was just imagining kissing. Her eyes dropped to Clarke’s chest for a second before she mentally slapped herself for looking and snapped her eyes up.

 

“I’m so sorry, Clarke!”

 

Lexa looked down at the floor, evading the half naked Clarke standing in the doorway. Her throat went dry. She could feel her heart pound against her chest and her cheeks redden even more. Her skin felt hot and her pulse raced faster. She prayed Clarke couldn’t see how flustered she was.

 

Lexa quickly moved to grab her bag. She took a deep breath as she prepared to turn back around.

 

“I’ll just, uh-” Lexa kept her gaze anywhere but Clarke. When she stepped to face the doorway, she looked directly at Clarke’s eyes, not daring to look anywhere on the blonde. When she stared into those blue eyes, Lexa saw a tiny hint of amusement behind them, along with a shy grin on her face.

 

Lexa could feel the awkwardness as if it were a tangible object that was surrounding her body. And she wanted nothing more than to hide under a rock. And the captain of the Grounders _never_ admitted to hiding.

 

“I think you were heading,” Clarke stepped sideways, leaving the path empty and nodded towards the door.

 

Clarke’s voice brought Lexa out of her thoughts and she could feel the blush come up again.

 

“Yes. Thank you.” Lexa managed to choke out.

 

And with that, Lexa squeezed the handle of her bag and swiftly walked out of the bedroom, avoiding bumping into the half naked blonde holding onto her towel.

 

When she exited the bedroom and heard the click of the door closing, Lexa finally let out the breath of air she’d been holding in. She pressed her hand to her chest and breathed, trying to slow her heartbeat. After a few seconds of recovering, Lexa made her way to the now vacant bathroom and closed the door. She hoped Raven didn’t mind her using this shower.

 

She turned the handle in the on full. On second thought, it might have had to be a cold shower instead.

 

\--

 

Clarke closed the door and took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. She leaned against the door, letting her head fall back and closed her eyes.

 

The last thing she expected when walking into that room was seeing Lexa and Lexa seeing her, especially in just a towel. Clarke saw the way she stared at her and the split second gaze at her body. She clutched the towel tighter as she imagined what Lexa might have been thinking.

 

But something else came first with Lexa. The telescope.

 

Clarke quickly reached for the clean clothes she had packed and hastily got dressed. When she finished brushing her hair, she made her way downstairs. She could hear Raven and Octavia talking in the kitchen.

 

“I’m guessing Lexa decided to use the upstairs bathroom.” Raven said teasingly as she noted the girl not coming back down.

 

Clarke blushed at the baseball captain’s name.

 

“Yeah, she went in after me.”

 

Then Clarke noticed Raven wasn’t dressed.

 

“Raven, I thought you were giving me a ride!”

 

Raven gave her an apologetic look, “I would any other time, Clarke, but I’m still buzzed.”

 

Raven was right and with that information, Clarke tilted her head back and grumbled in frustration. Now the telescope was going to get sold and then she wouldn’t have anything to give Lexa for Christmas.

 

Raven could see Clarke’s mood begin to downward spiral.

 

“Hey, don’t worry. You have a ride!”

 

Clarke stared at Raven, confused. And then it clicked when she heard footsteps come down from the stairs.

 

“I take quick showers.”

 

Clarke turned to see a smiling Lexa dressed in a clean baseball tee and jeans, her wet hair tied in an intricate braid that fell over her shoulder.

 

“I hope you don’t mind if I take Raven’s job in driving you today.” Lexa said, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

 

There was absolutely no way that Clarke could say no, partly because _it was Lexa_ , and the other part because she was her only option. But worry still ran through Clarke at the thought of the receiver of the present driving her to get said present.

 

Lexa could see the doubt in Clarke’s face, and suddenly she second-guessed her asking.

 

Immediately, Clarke saw Lexa’s eyes cast down. Shit.

 

“Yeah, totally!” Clarke walked over to Lexa and smiled at her.

 

“Can we leave now though? The present for my mom is really important.” Clarke asked eagerly.

 

“Of course.” Lexa turned to Raven and Octavia who were just watching the two interact.

 

“Raven, thank you for having me over last night. It was much needed.”

 

“No problem, Cap. You’re welcome anytime.”

 

“I’ll text you later?” Octavia sent her a warm smile followed by a wink when Clarke went upstairs to retrieve her things.

 

Lexa rolled her eyes and nodded.

 

A trip to the mall with Clarke sounded enjoyable. It was Christmas time and people generally were a lot nicer around this time of year. And she loved watching the children’s faces light up as they waited in line to see Santa Claus. And she’d be with Clarke. While Lexa didn’t particularly like being surrounded by such big crowds, this time didn’t sound so bad.

 

Or so she thought.

 

\--

 

Lexa kept both hands on the steering wheel as she drove Clarke to the mall, trying to not break the speed limit for wanting to arrive there faster.

 

She occasionally glanced at the jittering blonde and saw her bouncing her leg up and down and her hands fidgeting. She knew Clarke was stressed about retrieving the present for her mother and she didn’t want to undermine those feelings, but Lexa couldn’t help but think how cute she looked.

 

They reached their destination in 10 minutes and Lexa found a parking spot within a small distance of an entrance of the mall. Pulling into the spot, Clarke already had her hand on the door handle.

 

As soon as Lexa shut off the ignition, Clarke bolted out of the car. It took Lexa a couple of seconds to realize that Clarke wasn’t going to wait for her to catch up.

 

“Wh- Clarke!” Lexa quickly grabbed her keys and wallet and hurried out of the car to follow. Clarke was practically running, already a few feet away from the mall doors.

 

Locking the car behind her, Lexa took off chasing after Clarke who was now opening the glass door. Lexa was ready for her to just continue on to find the store, but Clarke held the door open and gestured for Lexa to hurry. Lexa couldn’t help the small smile as she sped up and reached the blonde.

 

“And here I thought you’d be faster.” Clarke held the door open with a smirk.

 

“Weren’t you the one in a hurry?”

 

Clarke jokingly glared at her and motioned for Lexa to pass.

 

“Thank you, Clarke.”

 

Lexa walked through the door and was greeted with blaring Christmas music and large crowds of people. She swallowed her nerves down, trying to not feel overwhelmed. But as Clarke entered and stood beside her, Lexa couldn’t help but think the crowds weren’t so bad.

 

\--

 

As soon as Clarke entered the mall and stood by Lexa, her adrenaline kicked back in. A part of her wanted to enjoy the fact that she was with the girl she was falling for, surrounded by holiday decorations and cheesy music, but she didn’t have time to spare. This entire trip was _for_ Lexa, though she didn’t know it yet. So she had to get to the store and fast.

 

“Let’s go!”

 

Clarke took Lexa’s right hand into her own, knowing that she didn’t want to lose Lexa in the crowd.

 

A blush crept onto both their faces as they felt the warmth from each other’s hands.

 

Much to her dismay, Lexa couldn’t appreciate the gentleness of Clarke’s hand because the blonde immediately began speed walking towards one direction.

 

“Ah, Clarke!” Lexa was taken by surprise as she felt Clarke pull her body forward.

 

Clarke managed to expertly weave the two of them between the crowds of shoppers, skillfully ducking and evading two men carrying a rather long box.

 

Lexa almost wanted to laugh at how serious Clarke was being, but the artist did say the present was for her mother, so who was Lexa to judge. Lexa knew the value of giving a loved one a gift, the happiness and consideration someone puts into it.

 

And as she allowed Clarke to continue to pull her forward, Lexa couldn’t help but think of what she was going to get Clarke… Would it be too strange to get her a present? They were friends so there shouldn’t be any strangeness. But they were also not friends in the sense that there was a romantic line being crossed. And Lexa didn’t want there to be an awkward feeling between them if she gave one to her.

 

Suddenly, Lexa was shaken from her thoughts as she ran into Clarke, her nose hitting the back of her head.

 

“Ah!”

 

_Well, Clarke stopped._

 

“Shit. My bad, Lexa.” Clarke turned around and saw Lexa gently touching the side of her nose.

 

Clarke couldn’t help but think how cute the baseball captain looked right now.

 

“I’ve had worse.” Lexa assured her, a grin on her face “No damage done.”

 

As she rubbed her nose, she turned to look at the store they had abruptly stopped at. She noticed there were a couple of interesting gadgets behind the glass windows.

 

“Great. I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go in and get the present.” Clarke quickly turned to enter the store.

 

“Oh well can I go with you?” Lexa asked.

 

Clarke went still at the question. It was one thing for Lexa to drive her here, but there was absolutely no way Lexa could go into the store without seeing the clerk give her the telescope. The only way was for Lexa to wait outside and Clarke bringing it out already wrapped. She had to think of some excuse without being suspicious.

 

“Actually, would you mind waiting out here?”

 

Lexa tilted her head slightly to the side in confusion and immediately Clarke thought of a confused puppy.

 

“Well…no, I don’t mind.”

 

Clarke knew she had to give some explanation, actually lie.

 

“It’s just that my mom has the night shift today so she might’ve tried to fit in some last minute Christmas shopping today before work. And this store has some great stuff she might see. So if you could maybe act as my lookout, that’d be-”

 

“Clarke…I’ve never met your mother. So I don’t really know what she looks like.”

 

Clarke was just digging herself deeper. Might as well keep going. So she pulled her phone out and scrolled through her photos to a recent picture of her and her mom.

 

Lexa carefully studied the photo of the older woman and Clarke.

 

“Is this alright? Please, Lexa I-

 

Lexa put up her hand in a salute. “Say no more. You have your lookout.”

 

“Thanks, Commander.”

 

The baseball captain laughed and gave her a reassuring nod before turning her back to the store windows and scanning the mall.

 

Clarke felt her chest tighten as she saw how serious Lexa looked. Then she entered the store, hoping the store clerk held the telescope.

 

The same man who helped her two days ago was standing beside a glass case. She walked up to him, silently praying.

 

“Excuse me.”

 

“Oh hello. How can I help you?” Then he squinted his eyes in concentration.  “I remember you, don’t I?”

 

A small glimmer of hope filled her body.

 

“Yes, my name is Clarke. I came in two days ago and put a telescope on hold. I’m here to finally buy it.”

 

The store clerk clapped his hands together. “Right. Let me just check the back.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

She stood by the glass case and rested against it. Her heart was pounding against her chest as she waited to see him bring out the box. The telescope was perfect for Lexa and Clarke wanted nothing more than to give it to her for Christmas.

 

She began tapping the glass restlessly as more minutes passed. After what seemed like ages, the store clerk came out with a clipboard and shaking his head.

 

And Clarke could feel her heart drop.

 

“I’m sorry Ms. Griffin, but it seems that the telescope was sold this morning.”

 

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. “But it was being held.”

 

“It was, but unfortunately it’s the holiday season and when items are asked for and paid immediately, there’s nothing really we can do about it. Especially since it seems that was the last of that telescope.”

 

He walked up to her and tucked away the clipboard. “If there’s anything else you wish to buy, I can assist you in looking.”

 

Clarke could feel her eyes begin to water. She bit her lip, trying to hold the tears back. Quickly wiping her eyes, she looked up at him and shook her head.

 

“No, that’s alright. Thank you though.”

 

She turned to exit the store, trying to mask her sadness for when she saw Lexa.

 

Lexa…

 

The perfect present and she lost it. It was sold that morning! If only she had remembered and woken up earlier, she might’ve had a chance. But then everything that happened took up her thoughts. It would’ve been a double-edged sword: be there for Lexa or get her the telescope. She knew which was more important, but she couldn’t help feeling like kicking herself.

 

She opened the door and walked back into the mall. And there was Lexa, resting against the glass, arms crossed and alert. She noticed Clarke a few seconds later and smiled.

 

Just seeing the baseball captain sent another wave of sadness and disappointment through her, and Clarke wanted to hide under a rock.

 

Lexa stepped towards her, ready to ask about the present, but was taken aback when she saw the expression on Clarke’s face. And then she noticed the artist was empty handed.

 

Lexa slowly approached her. “Clarke, what happened?”

 

Clarke took a deep breath, trying to make sure her voice wouldn’t shake.

 

“The present that I reserved for um, my mom, it was sold this morning.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened. “What? Was that the only one? Maybe we can find it somewhere else.”

 

Clarke crossed her arms. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late.”

 

Lexa could see how dejected Clarke felt and she wanted nothing more than to help her feel better. But as she stared at her she couldn’t help but feel helpless.

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.”

 

Clarke laughed internally at the irony of Lexa apologizing for her own gift.

 

“It’s alright. I can probably find something else for her.”

 

“Did you want to look now? I can help, if you’d like.”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa’s green eyes and relaxed at the calmness that lingered in them. She took a deep breath and shook her head no.

 

Suddenly an idea came to Lexa’s mind. And she grinned.

 

“I understand you’re feeling disappointed that they sold your mother’s gift, but maybe I can assist in helping you feel better.”

 

Clarke loved that Lexa was willing to help, whether it’s giving her sweatshirt or now trying to make her smile. And a longer day with her sounded wonderful.

 

“What’d you have in mind?”

 

Clarke stared at the baseball captain and melted at her charming smile.

 

Lexa could feel her stomach flip and the nerves return, but for the most part, it was excitement. They had never spent time alone outside of their friends and Lexa couldn’t help but be a bit thankful Octavia and Raven weren’t here.

 

Lexa took a deep breath and raised her hand, offering it for Clarke to take.

 

Clarke beamed at the offer, and gladly took Lexa’s hand, this time taking the moment to enjoy the feeling of their hands together.

 

Lexa brought their hands down and interlocked their fingers, giving a soft squeeze in excitement.

 

“Follow me.”

 

 

\--

 

 

They had been driving for about 20 minutes and Lexa still hadn’t told Clarke where they were going, only stopping by a drive-thru burger place for food.

 

Whenever Clarke asked about their destination, Lexa only provided her with a, “It’s great for taking out your frustrations.”

 

So here they sat, listening to the radio, and finishing Clarke’s fries. Lexa had quickly eaten her burger and curly fries and now watched forlornly as Clarke picked up another fry.

 

“If you tell me, I’ll let you finish them.” Clarke teased, waving the bag.

 

Lexa cast a glance at the passenger seat, trying to keep her composure. She wanted nothing more than to give in, but she held strong. She kept both hands on the wheel and stared at the car in front of her.

 

“I won’t tell you, Clarke.”

 

Clarke smirked and took a fry out of the bag. “How about a tiny hint?”

 

Lexa didn’t take the bait, to Clarke’s dismay. “Fine.” And she threw the fry in her mouth.

 

“You’re very cruel.”

 

Clarke laughed at how sad Lexa sounded, which made the baseball captain laugh as well.

 

After another 10 minutes and the rest of the bag of fries, the car finally pulled into a parking lot.

 

“We’re here.”

Clarke looked out of the window and saw a wide brick building with a wide field behind it. There were other cars parking in the lot, and Clarke could hear a cracking sound in the distance.

 

Lexa killed the ignition and exited the car, an eager smile on her face. This was the most Clarke had ever seen Lexa smile and this only spurred her curiosity.

 

Clarke followed after her and together they walked into the building. Inside they were met with a burly man who looked to be in his 40’s, sitting behind a large white desk, scanning a magazine.

 

“Hello Jax.”

 

The man looked up at Lexa and smiled.

 

“Lexa! It’s been a while.”

 

“Only a few months.”

 

Lexa walked up to the desk and gestured Clarke over.

 

“And who’s this?”

 

“This is my- this is Clarke.”

 

Clarke didn’t let that hesitation slip by her. My what? Friend? Either way, Clarke held out her hand to the man whose name was apparently Jax.

 

“Nice to meet you.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Clarke.” He shook her hand firmly.

 

“Jax is one of my Uncle’s closest friends. He also owns this place.” Lexa looked around at the familiar waiting room.

 

“Which you still haven’t told me what this place is.”

 

Jax let out an amused grunt at the two girls. “This is little Lexa’s way of surprising you. Must be pretty special if she brought you here.”

 

Clarke blushed at Jax’s comment while Lexa stood there, glaring at the larger man as if she wanted to burn holes through his head.

 

“Alright, well we’re going to go inside now.” Lexa said quickly, pulling Clarke by her sleeve for her to follow her.

 

Clarke got the hint and walked with her.

 

“Your usual cage is open and all stocked, Lexa. Have fun girls.” Jax chuckled.

 

At the mention of a cage, Clarke’s curiosity peaked, and she couldn’t take it any longer. So when Lexa pulled open the door, Clarke stood wide-eyed and thrilled as she found the sound of the cracking she had heard outside.

 

In front of her was a large room with several batting cages lined in rows along to her left with netted tunnels that extended across the room. At the end of the tunnels were machines pitching baseballs to the batters. Behind the cages, on the back wall, were rows of bats and helmets of different sizes.

 

“You took me to a batting cage?”

 

Lexa’s mouth dropped in panic. “We can go somewhere else. I just thought-”

 

Clarke grinned as she heard another few cracks of the bats.

 

“No, Lexa this is amazing!”

 

This was obviously a place that Lexa held dear and it was something that she loved. So the fact that she brought her here to cheer her up just made Clarke’s heart flutter.

 

Lexa rubbed the back of her neck, relieved.

 

“Let’s do it!”

 

“Well actually, our batting cage is somewhere else. These cages only have a hitting distance of only seventy feet long. I thought we might go somewhere with a bit more space.”

 

Lexa took Clarke’s hand once again and led her forward through a path on the right side of the wall, protected by netting, which led to another door. Lexa opened the door and Clarke saw the open field she had seen when they drove up. The field was bright and sunny and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

 

Like the room inside, there were large cages along the inner wall with a canopy extending from the building, keeping the cages in the shade. Except now, there weren’t any netted rows attached to them to stop the balls, just an open field with the pitching machines farther out. Clarke could make out some baseballs scatted all over the grass. Her and Lexa were the only ones out here, which made Clarke a little nervous, but excited.

 

Lexa lead them past the first few cages to the last one at the end. There, several bats rested against the metal cage next to the gate that opened into the pen.

 

“This one is mine and my Uncle Gustus’.” Lexa nodded to the gate. “My bats.”

 

Clarke reached down and picked one of the baseball bats up, feeling the weight of it in her hands.

 

“Have you ever been to a batting cage before?”

 

“Well, I used to play catch with my dad when I was little. But _this_?” She gestured all around with the bat. “No.”

 

Lexa walked over to the back wall were there were batting helmets lined up on shelves. She searched through the helmets and found a blue one for Clarke that also had protective metal guard for the face.

 

Tossing it around in her hands, Lexa walked over to Clarke with a soft expression on her face.

 

When she saw the helmet, Clarke felt the nerves come back, placing the bat down.

 

“So we don’t repeat our first meeting.” Lexa pointed out.

 

Clarke blushed at the mention of that fateful day when Lexa hit her with a baseball. It may have ended in a really bad headache, but it also introduced her to the girl she’d been crushing on.

 

She bowed her head slightly so Lexa could properly place the helmet on her head until it was nice and snug. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at Lexa trying to push the helmet down.

 

When it was correctly on, Clarke stepped back away from Lexa and lifted up her arms.

 

“How do I look?”

 

“Safe.”

 

Clarke gave Lexa a thumbs up at her seal of approval. 

 

“Great. So how about you show me how this works?”

 

Lexa’s face lit up and she went back to the shelves to retrieve her own helmet.

 

“Hey, how come yours doesn’t have the mask thing?” Clarke frowned as Lexa put on her helmet, noticing it didn’t have the metal in front of the face.

 

“After years of playing the sport and countless horrible pitches from Octavia, I’ve learned a few things about dodging.” Lexa joked as she picked up a bat.

 

“Alright well put your money where your mouth is, Commander.” Clarke teased.

 

Lexa raised her eyebrows at the challenge and felt a surge of confidence. She walked towards the cage’s entrance and opened the gate. Clarke stood by the side with a smug expression as Lexa kept her gaze.

 

When she was right about to step inside, Lexa sent Clarke a wink, before finally walking inside and shutting the entrance.

 

Clarke melted. Watching Lexa in her baseball tee, tight jeans, and a bat in her hand was a vision Clarke didn’t think she’d ever get used to. Whatever was happening, Clarke could tell Lexa with the handholding, the joking; she was beginning to feel comfortable and safe to open herself up and just be without her shield.

 

Clarke stood right behind the cage and watched as Lexa picked up a remote, which was attached to a long black wire that extended all the way out in the field to a machine.

 

Lexa gave Clarke one final smile and then clicked a button. She dropped the remote and took the stance she knew all too well. Lexa gripped the baseball bat with both hands and bent her knees, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Clarke couldn’t help but glance down at the baseball captain’s ass, but quickly snapped her gaze back up.

 

They both waited with baited breath, ready for the first pitch. And then Clarke heard the machine power up, sending the baseball flying towards Lexa.

 

And was Lexa ready. It was a perfect shot right in the strike zone. And Lexa swung, hitting the ball in her sweet spot. And Clarke heard the familiar crack of the bat, watching it soar out into the field. Within 10 seconds, another ball came flying towards Lexa to which she perfectly swung another hit.

 

“Holy shit!”

 

Clarke stood there for a couple of minutes, admiring every movement Lexa made. When Clarke visited her practice, she was only able to watch from afar from the bleachers, but now she was standing right behind her, only a metal cage separating them. And she could see everything perfectly. Every hard breath released when Lexa swung, every push of her legs. The cracks of the bat soon became a heartening sound. Soon, numerous baseballs were scattered around the far reaches of the field.

 

After hitting a couple more balls, Lexa reached down for the remote and paused the pitching machine. She turned around to face Clarke with an eager smile on her face.

 

“So what do you think?”

 

Clarke leaned forward towards the cage. “Fucking amazing!”

 

Lexa let out a soft laugh as opened the cage door and stepped out to meet Clarke. She rested the bat against the side of the cage and stretched her arms.

 

“Are you ready?” Lexa took off her helmet and patted her messy hair down.

 

Clarke’s throat went dry. The excitement and anticipation Clarke was feeling from watching Lexa quickly became replaced with nerves and anxiety.

 

Lexa could see Clarke eye the batting cage nervously.

 

“You will do fine, Clarke. It shoots at only one spot. The pitches come in 10 seconds after the other, but I can manually operate it if you’d like.”

 

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat. She bounced on her feet, trying to psych herself up.

 

“Yeah, I can do this. The 10-second one.”

 

And with that, Clarke put on a brave face for Lexa and picked up a bat and began making her way to the entrance of her tomb slash batting cage.

 

When Clarke stepped into the cage, she felt the sides begin to get smaller. Lexa explained how large the cages actually were, so Clarke tried to shake off the uneasiness.

 

“You’re left handed, right Clarke?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Then you want to stand on the right side of the plate.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Clarke stepped over the plate and turned her body inwards. She made sure to try and copy the stance Lexa had done earlier, right beside the diamond drawn in the ground. Clarke gripped the bat tight in her hands, squeezing it until her palms began to hurt.

 

“Tell me when.” Lexa held another small remote, watching close from outside the cage.

 

Clarke took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay.”

 

And with Clarke’s okay, Lexa pressed the button to start the machine. And once again, they both waited in silence for the first pitch.

 

Clarke kept her eyes on the machine in the distance through the metal bars of the helmet. And then she heard the shooting sound of the baseball. The white ball came firing at her and Clarke swore she saw her life flash before her eyes. She closed her eyes and swung the second she panicked. And the bat met with air.

 

Clarke opened her eyes and found the machine reloading.

 

“Shit!” Clarke took the stance again, but knew it didn’t matter. The ball came hurdling at her again and she let out a tiny scream and dropped her bat as it hit the back of the cage.

 

At the sight of Clarke letting go of her bat, Lexa immediately stopped the machine.

 

“That is fucking intense!”

 

Clarke took off her helmet and looked towards Lexa who had her arms crossed with an entertained look gracing her face.

 

“Are you laughing at me?” Clarke scowled at the player.

 

“I would never, Clarke. Actually, you would make an excellent batter if you just-”

 

Lexa narrowed her eyes, inspecting the blonde in front of her. With a small nod, Lexa entered the batting cage and stepped towards the fallen bat. Picking it up, Lexa made her way towards Clarke and handed it back over.

 

“Come here. No baseballs for the time being.”

 

Clarke looked at her skeptically, but gave in. She put the helmet on the ground and stood by the plate with the bat in her hand.

 

As Lexa took a place on the other side of the plate, Clarke stepped into the batting stance.

 

“Ah, first lesson. Keep your legs farther apart and bent a little more. You want to be balanced.”

 

Clarke looked at the brunette and stuck her tongue out. But she followed her advice and parted them a bit further.

 

“Now when you move to hit the ball, you want to step with your most dominant foot. You being left-handed will step forward with your right. You got part two correct.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Lexa smiled and put her hands on her hips.

 

“It appeared that the are you’re having difficulty in is swinging.”

 

“Well there is a ball coming towards me at like 100 miles per hour.”

 

Lexa let out a small giggle, a sound that Clarke hadn’t heard.

 

“It’s more like 70 miles per hour.”

 

Clarke stepped out of her position and rolled her eyes at how relaxed Lexa made the speed sound.

 

Lexa motioned for Clarke to resume the batting stance again. With another mocking eye roll, Clarke took her place again.

 

“I am ambidextrous, so I can help you with your left swing.”

 

Clarke stared at Lexa in amazement at how normal she made that sound. Lexa was an amazing baseball player, but she never had she bragged or treated someone different because of it. The skills she had were just another part of her.

 

“Okay.”

 

Clarke raised the bat in her hands, putting it by her face.

 

“Look towards the machine. You want to look at your pitched. Alright, third lesson. Bat placement.”

 

Lexa stood right in front of Clarke and moved her arms further back, past her head. The movement left nothing separating their faces. Clarke peeked and saw Lexa’s concentrated expression; her eyes fixed on the bat, her lips pursed.

 

Lexa was adorable. Flashes of their almost kiss from last night appeared in Clarke’s mind. Of Lexa leaning in with closed eyes and parted lips.

 

“Your hands.”

 

Clarke snapped out of her thoughts. “What?”

 

“Palm up, palm down position. Because you’re left-handed, you want your left on top of your right when you grip the bat.”

 

“Oh. Gotcha.”

 

“Now we just need to work on your follow through.”

 

“You lost me.”

 

Lexa stood in front of Clarke and took arms from their position and moved them along slowly as if she were hitting a ball. She bit her lip at the inaccuracy of the swing.

 

“For the purpose of showing you how to swing properly,” Lexa walked around the plate so that she was now behind Clarke and outstretched her arms, “May I?”

 

Clarke’s heart raced as she realized Lexa was asking if she could take Clarke in her arms and lead her through the swing.

 

Clarke looked over her shoulder at the baseball captain, trying to decipher her facial expression, but Lexa looked as calm as ever.

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

Every single nerve felt like electricity. How she was still holding the bat when she felt her arms go weak was surprising to Clarke. Her knees almost buckled underneath her as Lexa closed the distance and pressed her chest against her. The warmth that came from Lexa’s body sent a shiver through Clarke. The baseball captain wrapped her arms around Clarke’s arms and body, holding the bat over her hands.

 

Clarke was sure Lexa would be able to feel her heartbeat from being so close together. Lexa’s head was right next to Clarke’s. With one tiny movement, Clarke would be just two inches away from Lexa’s face, her lips.

 

“Okay.”

 

That soft but sure voice right by her ear sent another wave of electricity through Clarke’s body. She could feel the vibrations when she spoke from her the closeness of her chest, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to sink in deeper.

 

“What do I do now?”

 

Lexa cleared her throat. “When you hit the baseball, you want to make sure you continue the strength and speed throughout the entire swing, even after contact.”

 

Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke’s hands for her to hold the bat tighter. And with that, Clarke felt Lexa begin to lead her into the swing. Pulling their arms back, Lexa slowly swayed the bat through the middle of the strike zone and then forward.

 

“Now here, you’re going to release the bat-”

 

“Release the bat?” Clarke made sure she was listening correctly to the weird step.

 

Lexa chuckled at the question. Clarke felt Lexa’s chest rise and fall in laughter.

 

“Release the bat from your left hand. The rest of the follow through is with your right.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Both of the girls released their left hands from the bat as they raised it upwards, continuing the swing. Then Lexa led the bat up and outwards, away from their bodies with her right hand over Clarke’s.

 

When the bat stilled in midair, there was silence, only the sound of Clarke and Lexa breathing. Clarke could feel the warm air of Lexa’s breath against her cheek. And she swore she could feel Lexa’s arm tremble against her own as she brought the bat back down beside them.

 

Maybe it was the sudden boost of confidence, or maybe her brain just stopped working for a second, but Clarke made the decision. Clarke let go of the bat and slowly turned her body inwards, her arm brushing against Lexa’s chest. When she faced Lexa, the piercing green eyes were almost in a haze, staring back at her. Lexa’s cheeks were flushed and her jaw was clenched.

 

Clarke leaned closer. A bit more and she’d be just mere centimeters away from the lips she’s been dying to kiss.

 

“I think you have the hang of it now.”

 

Lexa stepped away from Clarke. She threw the bat slightly in the air and caught it as it came down. She presented the bat to Clarke with a soft smile.

 

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t help the feeling of rejection wash through her. But in a way, she knew this wasn’t quite right yet. She didn’t want this to ruin the day they were having. So she took the bat from Lexa and smiled.

 

“Yeah. Can I try again?”

 

Lexa nodded and walked past a disappointed, yet hopeful Clarke.

 

\--

What was she doing? Lexa knew she wanted to kiss Clarke. And now she was absolutely sure Clarke wanted to kiss her back. She was sure of it. So what was holding her back? Lexa hadn’t given any thought yet as to how or where she wanted to kiss Clarke, but she knew that she wanted it to be special and amazing.

 

The batting cage was special…

 

But not romantic.

 

Lexa stepped out of the batting cage and wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted to kick herself at stopping Clarke. But a part of her was a little thankful at the thought of having another chance to make it better. She just hoped that Clarke didn’t think badly of her.

 

She turned back and saw that Clarke had taken the batting position again and looked ready for the pitch.

 

“Okay, let’s do this!”

 

Lexa felt her heart ache as she watched Clarke who was now glaring at the pitching machine as if she were ready for vengeance.

 

Lexa swallowed back the taste of regret and shook her head, shaking off the worry.

 

She reached for the remote, “In 3, 2, 1.” And then she pressed the button.

 

The ball came shooting out and barreling towards Clarke. Lexa prepared herself for the possibility of another missed attempt, but she had faith in Clarke.

 

And she was right to. Clarke saw the baseball coming straight towards the middle, and tightened her grip. She stepped with her right foot and swung. When she felt the impact of the ball against the metal, she remembered to keep the strength consistent and kept swinging.

 

A loud crack rang out and the baseball went flying. And Clarke cheered after following through the swing like Lexa taught her.

 

Every single worry they were feeling left their body instantly as the joy took over.

 

Lexa paused the machine so they could both follow the direction of the ball.

 

It soared outwards into the field and finally landed among the many balls littered on the grass. Both Clarke and Lexa jumped, yelling out in happiness when it fell. Clarke turned towards Lexa’s direction and skipped towards the cage, matching grins on their faces.

 

“You did it!”

 

Lexa stood by the cage and let the thrill and excitement take over. She remembered what it was like to hit her first successful ball and the feeling of accomplishment was one to be enjoyed.

 

“Did you see that?” Clarke lifted her helmet, her hair now ruffled.

 

“How did that feel?”

 

Clarke took a deep breath, “It felt amazing! Therapeutic!”

 

Lexa beamed at the description. There was nothing that Lexa loved doing more than playing baseball and to see and hear Clarke enjoy a particular part she loved sent her flying through the clouds. Lexa felt weightless as she watched Clarke put her helmet back on and ask her to put the machine on the loop.

 

Lexa pressed the button with pleasure and watched as Clarke hit several more balls, cheering out after every one she sent further than the one before. The two took turns batting and cheering the other on, their second almost-kiss put behind them.

 

Many hit baseballs later; Clarke ended the session with one final swing, sending the baseball out soaring.

 

“That is the way to end it.”

 

Clarke removed her helmet and walked out of the cage, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Lexa was waiting for her, two water bottles in her hands and a towel hanging from her arm.

 

“Thanks.” Clarke eagerly took the water and downed half easily.

 

They both sat on a bench against the back wall and rested.

 

“Feel a bit better?”

 

Clarke nodded as she finished drinking. “Loads. Is that why you brought me here? Cause you knew it’d make me feel better.”

 

Lexa bowed her head, “Yes from personal experience.”

 

“Oh yeah? And what was that?”

 

Lexa stilled at the question. “I was brought here when I was eight.”

 

Clarke felt a lump in her throat as it hit her. She remembered her conversation with Lexa the night of the party. How Lexa explained she was eight when her Uncle introduced her to baseball. And then on the trampoline when she told her of her parents’ deaths when she was…eight.

 

Clarke turned to Lexa who was now staring at the water bottle in her hands.

 

“One night, a few weeks after my Uncle Gustus took me in, we had a very awful fight. I actually wouldn’t call it a fight. It was more, me yelling at him and breaking down over my parents’ deaths. I was angry and had no way to let the rage and out.”

 

Lexa looked up at the batting cages and the open field.

 

“My Uncle brought me here. Jax immediately saw what was happening and gave us this cage. They told me to take the anger I felt and release it out with the baseballs.“

 

_Lexa rubbed her eyes, the tears still falling freely. She felt her nose begin to run as she tried to choke back another sob._

_“Lexa. Oh my strong Lexa. Look at me.”_

_The tiny girl shook her head at her Uncle’s voice._

_“I have something for you that will help. Please just open your eyes.”_

_Lexa slowly stopped rubbing her eyes and hiccupped as she tried to look at him. Her Uncle Gustus was kneeling in front of her with a metal bat in his hands._

 

“And then my Uncle put a bat in my hand. The rest is history.”

 

Lexa turned to face Clarke; the remains of a longing smile lingering on her lips. Clarke reached over and took Lexa’s hand. Both girls were instantly taken back to the night before. But no thoughts of their almost-kisses troubled their minds. Only understanding the other.

 

“You know, Clarke. You never explained how your love for art began.”

 

Clarke nudged Lexa with her shoulder.

 

“How about I tell you that over something sweet. Ice cream. My treat.”

 

Clarke stood up from the bench and offered her hand to Lexa. Staring up at the blonde who was quickly stealing her heart, Lexa took her hand and was pulled up.

 

“You lead the way out, Commander.”

 

Lexa rolled her eyes at the nickname she had also come to care for. And with that, Lexa began the walk back into the building. She hoped Jax would have nothing more to joke about as they left.

 

Clarke followed right after, but something caught her eye on the wall.

 

Hanging by the bench, were picture frames that showed Jax and another large man with a long beard that Clarke assumed was Lexa’s Uncle Gustus. And standing in between them was a little girl that looked about 10, a beaming smile on her face as she held a small trophy.

 

“Clarke, are you coming?”

 

Lexa stood by the door to the building, holding it open with an impatient look.

 

“Coming!”

 

Clarke gave the picture one last glance and left it with a warm feeling in her heart. She reached Lexa who was giving her a mocking glare.

 

“The promise of ice cream is not a promise I take lightly, Clarke.”

 

Lexa let her pass through the door first, receiving only a small tap to the stomach and a “Dork,” from Clarke in response to her teasing.

 

After the car ride with burgers and fries, the excitement and fun at the batting cages, the understanding and talks between them, Clarke knew how she felt about Lexa. And as the baseball player explained the differences between the types of chocolate ice cream, Clarke had never felt surer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. I've learned not to expect anything from life, especially when it comes to time management. But I hope this made up for it. There was more to the chapter, but I decided to cut it here. Now I have a jumpstart to the next one though!
> 
> Let me know what you think? And until next time! I appreciate all the reviews, kudos, and subs!
> 
> As usual, you can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) come rant about clexa to me or just say hi :)


	7. It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy December 1st! I'm back in it!

The ice cream shop bustled as Clarke and Lexa sat at a small table against the holiday decorated window. The shop had paper snowflakes hanging everywhere and blankets of fake snow lay all over the ground, Christmas music playing in the background. Clarke couldn’t help the warmth and exhilaration she felt as they sat in front of the brunette.

 

“So you mentioned noticing paint on my face in history?” Clarke pointed out as she dug her spoon into her cookie dough ice cream.

 

Lexa stopped mid-lick at Clarke’s teasing accusation. She blushed at her vanilla cone and swallowed nervously, trying to regain her composure.

 

“When you’re constantly late to class, you tend to draw attention to yourself, Clarke.” Lexa smirked.

 

Clarke’s mouth dropped slightly, faking offense.

 

“I’ll have you know I got an A in that class.”

 

“No thanks to your attendance.”

 

“You’re horrible.”

 

“Yet here you are, buying me ice cream.” Lexa grinned at her winning comeback and happily turned her attention back to her ice cream.

 

“Do you enjoy painting in particular?”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Mr. Roman had us painting all that semester so that explains the face paint all the time.”

 

Clarke put down her ice cream and reached into her purse. Lexa watched as Clarke pulled out a sketchbook and placed it on the table.

 

“I tend to do more sketching and charcoal work than painting, but it was fun.”

 

Clarke opened the sketchbook to the first page, which was a drawing of their school’s library and spun it to face the baseball player. Lexa held the ice cream cone as far as she could away from the sketchbook. She recognized the room instantly.

 

“Clarke, that’s amazing!” Lexa didn’t dare touch the paper, marveling at the detail put into the bookcases and computers.

 

When Clarke didn’t show any indication of flipping the page, Lexa raised her hand hesitantly, not wanting to overstep. “Would you mind if I kept looking?”

 

“Oh no, go for it!” Clarke couldn’t help the creeping nervousness in her stomach as Lexa began looking through her sketchbook. She had always been critical of her work and others judging it, but now having Lexa of all people look gave her another wave of anxiety. A small part of Clarke wanted to put it away, but the rest of her would love to see what Lexa thought of her drawings.

 

Lexa turned the page carefully, cautious not to spill her ice cream on the pages, and smiled at the sketch of a clearly annoyed Raven wearing a Santa hat. 

 

“This was Octavia’s doing, right?”

 

Clarke gave a small laugh at the memory. “Yeah for Christmas shopping.”

 

“Octavia somehow came up with the idea that you couldn’t go Christmas shopping without a hat or reindeer antlers when we were little. Since Bellamy often babysat Octavia and I during the holidays, he never refused her. So she’s carried that tradition ever since.”

 

Clarke could see the nostalgia and longing in Lexa’s eyes as she recalled the story.

 

Lexa began turning the page again and beamed at the familiar lines. “You drew the baseball field?”

 

Clarke immediately froze at the words because she knew what was next. When Raven and her were watching the Grounders’ practice, she drew two sketches: one of the baseball field and the other of Lexa…

 

Lexa was right about to turn the page when Clarke’s hand shot out to stop the captain’s hand. Lexa looked down briefly at their hands and then back to Clarke.

 

Lexa retracted her hand, “Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 

Clarke shook her head, “No no don’t be, it’s just the next one isn’t really finished yet and I don’t want anyone to see it yet.”

 

Nodding, Lexa began licking her ice cream. “Understandable. You’re extremely talented, Clarke. I’d love to see how well you paint.”

 

“Thanks,” Clarke quickly closed the sketchbook and shoved the spoon back into her mouth. “I’m sure you will since Mr. Roman seems to be in love with it.”

 

“What inspired you to do art?”

 

Swallowing a chocolate chip, Clarke’s lips faintly trembled as they turned into a smile.

 

“My dad actually.”

 

Lexa could see Clarke’s face soften at the mention of her father. She remembered Clarke telling her that her father was killed when she was twelve, but that he was kind. Lexa waited for Clarke to continue.

 

Clarke’s gave a content small breath, “I used to want to be a doctor like my mom. But then my dad introduced me to Bob Ross reruns.” Clarke laughed. “And that’s when I found my love. So he signed me up for every type of art class. I remember him hanging up my drawings and paintings all over the house and on the fridge. He’d be so proud of them.”

 

Lexa smiled gently at Clarke’s words.

 

“It wasn’t until after he died that I knew what I wanted to do. My mom couldn’t have been happier.” Clarke took a shaky breath as she finished her story.

 

“I’m sure he’d be extremely proud of you now, Clarke.”

 

“Thank you, I think so too.”

 

Clarke brought her spoon up and took another bite of her ice cream, glancing at Lexa’s thoughtful eyes. Talking about her dad wasn’t always easy, but the memories of them and art always brought a smile to Clarke’s face. She was finding that talking to Lexa was getting a more relaxing as time went on. Telling Lexa that history of how she came to love her passion, Clarke could feel the two of them getting that much closer.

 

Getting lost in her thoughts, Clarke accidently tuned Lexa out, simply staring at the girl as she ate her cone.

 

“Ah damn it.”

 

And suddenly there was vanilla ice cream dribbling down Lexa’s chin.

 

Clarke’s hand tightened at the sight and as a result, the spoon that was caught in her mouth turned into a mini catapult. Before she knew it, ice cream flew into Lexa’s face.

 

“Oh my god!” Clarke felt her face turn beet red at the fact that she actually just catapulted ice cream at Lexa whose mouth was half open in shock. Raven sure, but Lexa? Embarrassment washed over her as Lexa sat there in shock.

 

But then Clarke saw a grin form on Lexa’s face and soon, the baseball captain was shaking with laughter.

 

“Thank you for that ice cream shower.” Lexa grabbed a couple of napkins and began wiping her face, her laughter carrying on.

 

Clarke could feel Lexa’s laughter in her chest, bringing a warmth and lightheartedness that she was quickly becoming attached to. Having Lexa in these moments, just the two of them, laughing over the simplest things; Clarke couldn’t help but join along to Lexa’s beautiful laughter.

 

“Just wait for my revenge, Clarke. Blood must have blood.” Lexa mockingly glared at her, waving her ice cream cone in front of her face.

 

Clarke winked back, “I’ll be waiting, Commander.”

 

For Clarke, the time she spent with Lexa had flown by. Soon enough, the sun had fallen and nighttime had hit them. Now they were on their way back to Clarke’s house, the radio was playing Christmas music softly throughout the car as Lexa made another turn.

 

Lexa was humming along to Dean Martin’s Let It Snow, when Clarke opened her mouth and softly began to sing along.

 

“ _But if you really hold me tight, all the way home I’ll be warm.”_

Lexa turned her head, briefly staring at Clarke. If she thought Clarke’s voice when she spoke was beautiful, her singing was something divine. If Lexa wasn’t driving, she would have closed her eyes, just to listen to Clarke sing.

 

Clarke caught Lexa’s eyes and blushed.

 

“You sing as well?” Lexa asked in awe.

 

“If you count karaoke and in the shower, then yes.”

 

“Are you just talented in every art form?”

 

Clarke felt more blood rush to her face at Lexa’s compliment. “Shut up.”

 

“I’m more of a personal fan of Mariah’s classic.” Clarke threw out.

 

Lexa chuckled, “Who isn’t?”

 

They pulled up to a stoplight where Lexa swiftly unlocked her phone and went to her music. Seconds later, Mariah Carey’s voice filled the car.

 

Clarke sat there, her mouth open in amusement. “You really have this song on your phone?”

 

“Don’t judge, Clarke.”

 

They pulled up to Clarke’s house, which was dark considering her mom was working the night shift at the hospital. Lexa cut off the engine, effectively ending her Christmas jam session.

 

“No Christmas lights?”

 

Clarke shrugged. “My mom and I are huge fans, don’t get me wrong. It’s just been a busy couple of months. We barely had time to get our tree.”

 

Lexa frowned at her explanation.

 

“I’m guessing your house is decked out?”

 

“My Uncle loves the holidays, so yes, it’s adequately decorated.”

 

Clarke smirked at Lexa’s amused expression and opened her door.

 

“Thank you for today, Lexa. Honestly, it was really fun.”

 

Lexa nodded, “I’m happy you enjoyed it. I am sorry about your mother’s present. I hope you can find a replacement.”

 

Clarke shook her head. “It’s fine.” Inside, disappointment filled her stomach. “I think I know what I’m gonna get her instead.”

 

“I’m glad. And hey, if you ever need to let off some stress, we can always go back to the cages.” Lexa gave her an encouraging smile.

 

“And if you’re ever in the mood for ice cream all over your face, you know who to call.”

 

“I think I might take you up on that.” Lexa flashed Clarke a toothy grin and let out a soft laugh.

 

“Cool.”

 

Clarke climbed out of Lexa’s car. She pulled her bag out and lugged the strap onto her shoulder.

 

Clarke closed the passenger door as Lexa rolled down the window.

 

“So, I’ll see you around.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Drive safe.”

 

Lexa grinned up at her through the window and gave her a small salute.

 

“I will. Goodnight, Clarke.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

Clarke walked towards her house. Lexa waited patiently, making sure Clarke got safely into her house. When she opened the front door, she turned to Lexa and gave her one last wave. Lexa waved back and then drove off into the night, leaving a breathless Clarke standing in the doorway.

 

One she saw Lexa’s car disappear; she stepped inside her house and turned on the lights. She made her way upstairs and put her bag on her bed. Quickly, she changed into sweats to get warm.

 

Sitting on the bed, Clarke opened up her bag and was met with the sight of black and green. She had forgotten to give Lexa her Grounders’ sweatshirt back. Clarke felt the familiar softness as she ran her fingers over the material. Silently, she slipped on the sweatshirt, relaxing into the warmth. Content with her level of comfort, she grabbed her laptop and began scrolling through Tumblr. Suddenly her phone buzzed and she saw the number of texts on her screen.

 

Clarke cursed at how many messages there were. She unlocked her phone and went into the group chat, reading the entire conversation.

 

**Jasper: so it’s decided! raven’s house. christmas eve.**

**Raven: woah wtf? when was this decided??**

**Octavia: you fuckers can’t just assume that shit!**

**Octavia: but raven… it’s at your house right?**

**Raven: i hate you all…**

**Monty: BUT WE APPRECIATE YOU**

**Monty: (AND LOVE YOU)**

**Jasper: hell yes we do**

Clarke shook her head at how ridiculous her friends were. She kept scrolling, nearing the end of the texts when they started talking about a certain baseball player.

**Raven: i’m guessing everyone’s coming?**

**Monty: Yup**

**Jasper: has lexa said anything? is she coming this year?**

**Octavia: i asked her but she still hasn’t said anything**

**Monty: I got her a present anyway!**

**Monty: Pretty proud of it**

**Raven: same here**

**Octavia: really?**

**Raven: well duh**

**Jasper: aww raven’s a sap**

**Raven: stfu**

**Raven: like you don’t get her the same thing every year**

**Jasper: hey, onesies are always a fan favorite**

**Octavia: i’m gonna talk to her again**

**Octavia: i think she’ll wanna come this year**

Christmas Eve was now four days away and Clarke still had to buy Raven, Octavia, and her mom’s gifts. She knew what to get them, but now she was at a loss as what to replace Lexa’s telescope with.

 

Today had definitely not turned out how she initially expected. But it became something even better. And the fact that Lexa might come to spend Christmas Eve with everyone made her heart race. She wished she could’ve asked Lexa about it earlier. But Octavia said she would talk to her and that gave her hope.

 

**Clarke: You guys are insane**

**Raven: ayyy there’s our princess**

**Raven: how’d it go? ;)**

**Jasper: how’d what goooo**

**Clarke: Come over and I’ll tell you**

 

**Jasper: nice**

**Raven: not you dumbass**

**Raven: coming with O**

After locking her phone, Clarke waited in her room, thinking over the entire day. It was then; she decided what to give Lexa. And she had only four days to do it. Taking out her sketchbook, she began planning it out.

Thirty minutes later, Raven and Octavia knocked on her door and all but tackled her back into her house.

 

Octavia, and Raven are huddled on Clarke’s bed listening intently to what happened once she and Lexa drove off. And damn were they ecstatic.

 

“Well fuck…”

 

Octavia nodded right along at Raven’s statement. She couldn’t have summarized her thoughts more perfectly. Octavia knew what that batting cage meant to Lexa, especially her specific cage. She doesn’t even know if Lexa brought Costia back there. She knew she had to speak to Lexa soon to see what was going on in her head.

 

“Yeah, I-” Clarke shrugged her shoulders, unable to find the words. Today still felt unreal, like she’d wake up tomorrow just being a classmate to Lexa.

 

Her phone suddenly buzzed next to her.

 

**Lexa Woods: I’m home (:**

Yup. She was falling hard.

 

A blush crept onto Clarke’s face that didn’t go unnoticed by her friends sitting next to her, who exchanged matching grins.

 

**Clarke Griffin: Awesome (:**

**Clarke Griffin: Thanks again for today!**

“Hey Griffin…”

 

Clarke sat staring at her phone, Raven’s voice flying by.

 

“It’ like we’re invisible. I love it.”

 

“Raven-”

 

“Claaarke.”

 

**Lexa Woods: It was my pleasure**

**Clarke Griffin: Until my ice cream catapult…**

**Lexa Woods: Good aim by the way**

“Maybe if I strip, she’ll notice.”

 

“Raven, you’re hot, but no.”

 

“You loooove me. I’m gonna do it…”

 

“Raven!”

Clarke’s eyes eventually caught sight of a frustrated Octavia trying to pull down Rave’s shirt from over her head.

 

“What are you guys doing?”

 

Raven put her shirt down slowly. “No worries. Please continue.”

 

Octavia motioned to the phone, wiggling her eyebrows.

 

Clarke tucked her phone under her sheets, attempting to hide the distraction. She knew she’d only get more jokes if she kept texting.

 

“So I guess the only question now is if Lexa’s going to Christmas Eve,” Raven points out, turning towards Octavia, knowing she’d be the best for that information.

 

Clarke cast a questioning glance at Octavia.

 

“Honestly guys… I don’t really know.” Octavia bit her lip in thought. “I mean, a regular party after months is alright, but Christmas Eve?”

 

“Too mushy?”

 

“She might just wanna be with her Uncle that night.”

 

“She went last year.”

 

Octavia groaned, “Look it’s different. I’ve known Lexa since I was nine and these kinda things _already_ make her nervous. Add the fact that this is her first Christmas since Costia…”

 

Clarke frowned at the mention of Costia. Her heart went out to Lexa who had to deal with her sudden departure. A first Christmas without a loved one was always hard.

 

Octavia glared at Raven, who threw her hands up in surrender.

 

“All I’m saying is that it might help!”

 

“We shouldn’t push her into it,” Clarke voiced. As much as she would love Lexa to be there, she never wanted to make the captain uncomfortable or feel forced.

 

“Like I said, I’ll talk to her. See where her heads at.” Octavia glanced towards Clarke. “After hearing about today, I don’t think she’ll turn it down.”

 

\--

 

After dropping of Clarke, Lexa was completely filled with an exhilaration she hadn’t felt in a long time.  Accepting Clarke’s openness and letting her own walls down, Lexa felt content, without a worry in the world. She felt like nothing could touch her at this moment.

 

She drove towards her Uncle’s tattoo shop and jogged in, finding her Uncle’s friend Luther standing at the front desk.

 

“Hey, Lexa! Gus is in the back working one someone. You can go back if you want.”

 

“Thanks Luther.”

 

Lexa walked deeper into the shop and came to see Gustus sitting beside someone, tattooing their forearm.

 

“Hello, Uncle. I just came by to pick up the donations for the day.”

 

Gustus looked up from his work and smiled.

 

“Lexa! Of course! Give me a few minutes?”

 

Lexa nodded and waited until her Uncle finished up the line work for the tattoo. She looked on at the needle, leaving its permanent mark on the man’s arm. Lexa had always been in love with tattoos, growing up watching her Uncle give hundreds of them.

 

“Alright, our donations bins are in front. I can help you load them into the car.”

 

Lexa and her Uncle began loading the toys and new clothes donations into the trunk and backseat of Lexa’s car.

 

“I won’t be too late tonight, so you can start wrapping without me.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

“So what have you been up to today? I didn’t see you this morning.”

 

“Yes, well, I stayed at Raven’s house with a couple of friends.”

 

Gustus tried to hide his surprise at Lexa’s explanation. It was known to him that his niece hadn’t gone out with anyone except for Octavia in the recent months.

 

“That sounds nice!”

 

Lexa picked up a particularly large Lego set and carefully placed it into the trunk, dodging her Uncle’s staring eyes.

 

“It was.”

 

“Raven and Octavia?”

 

A part of Lexa wished that her Uncle would let the subject go, but she knew that this was a new occurrence since Costia.

 

“Octavia, Raven, and Clarke.”

 

Gustus’ eyes widened at the name.

 

“And who’s this Clarke?”

 

“She’s… She’s a friend. I was actually out with her today.”

 

Gustus could see the way Lexa’s cheeks began to redden and he knew it wasn’t from the cold.

 

“Is she a nice girl?”

 

Memories of today flashed through her head. Clarke’s smile at hitting ball after ball. Clarke’s laughter at getting ice cream on her face. Their almost kiss in the batting cage. She could feel her lips once again betraying her, most likely giving her away to her Uncle. But she didn’t fight it.

 

“Extremely.”

 

Gustus thought he’d snoop a bit further.

 

“How’d you meet her?”

 

Lexa’s eyes wandered to the ground, a guilty look on her face.

 

“The day winter break began. I may have hit her with a baseball…”

 

“Really Lexa?” Gustus couldn’t help a small chuckle come out.

 

“It was an accident!”

 

“I’m assuming she’s okay since you’ve been out with her.”

 

“No concussion.”

 

Gustus felt his chest tighten at seeing his niece’s face soften and talking so lightheartedly. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t accidently kill her.”

 

“Me too.” Lexa said softly, a small grin on her face.

 

“Actually, Uncle...”

 

“Hm?” Gustus pulled a few more donations into the trunk.

 

“I was thinking that after we make the drop-off at the shelter, I might go out with Octavia and everyone.”

 

This caught Gustus’ attention. It was no shock that Lexa had gone out before with Octavia and their friends on Christmas Eve. He just wasn’t expecting it this year after seeing how Lexa was after her last baseball season and everything that happened. So it came as a small surprise that Lexa told him of her wanting to go. What was on Lexa’s mind yesterday didn’t seem to be bothering her anymore. Maybe this was just what Lexa needed.

 

“O- of course! ”

 

Lexa smiled shyly at her Uncle’s delighted expression, quickly getting back to placing the toys in her car.

 

Lexa had started thinking about attending the minute Clarke stepped out of her car today. She remembered Clarke’s dorky smile and how happy she was singing along to Christmas music in her car. Along with her friends, Clarke was going and that alone partly helped her decide. Now, the thought of going to the small party didn’t scare her as much as it used to. These past couple of days, Lexa hadn’t had many thoughts of Costia or this first holiday without her. Instead, her thoughts were of Christmas music, the donations that filled her car, ice cream, Octavia in her Santa hat, and Clarke.

 

Now all she needed was to get Clarke’s present.

 

\--

 

Later that night, Octavia rang the doorbell to Lexa’s house repeatedly, jumping to try and keep her legs warm.

 

“Lexaaa!”

 

The door swung open 15 seconds later, showing an annoyed baseball captain, staring at her.

 

“Tell me again why we are friends?”

 

“Because you love me,” Octavia responded with a wink. She pushed past Lexa into the house. “I’m actually here to see my _real_ best friend.”

 

As if she had called his name out loud, Kaiser came bounding down the stairs right at Octavia who bent down to greet him.

 

“Kaiser!”

 

The German Shepard wagged his tail excitedly as he tried licking the pitcher’s face.

 

“Ah, who wouldn’t be in love with this face?” Octavia laughed as she pulled out a tennis ball from her bag. She swiftly tossed it down the hall and watched as Kaiser happily chased after it.

 

Octavia’s eyes cast over the living room at the wrapping paper that covered the small coffee table and the boxes of different toys and clothes beside it. “Ooh wrapping gifts? What’d you get me?”

 

She hopped over the couch and plopped down onto the cushions, Lexa walking around and sitting next to her. Picking up a new Captain America shield, Lexa resumed wrapping.

 

“Yes, they’re the donations for the shelter. And I got yours a while ago, hidden away from your prying eyes.”

 

“Good thing I know your favorite hiding spots.” Octavia said mischievously. “Want some help with the wrapping?”

 

Lexa smiled, “Of course. There’s an extra pair of scissors in the kitchen.”

 

Octavia grinned and went to grab them. Kaiser came back with his new ball in his mouth and lay down under the Christmas tree to chew on it.

 

“You know, this would be way more fun with Santa hats.”

 

“I highly doubt that.”

 

“Grinch.”

 

Lexa shoved Octavia with her side, “Wrap some presents.”

 

Octavia and Lexa quietly worked side by side, wrapping the donations with different kinds of wrapping paper. Octavia insisted that clearly the snowman paper would be a bigger hit then Christmas tree one. To which Lexa clearly countered with the fact that you could build snowmen any time of the year.

 

“How dare you.”

 

“It’s true! All you need is snow. But you only get a Christmas tree at Christmas.”

 

“That is prejudice thinking!”

 

“Octavia-”

 

“Let’s hear you say that to Frosty!”

 

Lexa sighed and grabbed a stick-on bow, taking off the tape and quickly sticking it to Octavia’s mouth. Seeing Octavia’s wide-eyed stare, Lexa let out snicker.

 

“You make an adorable present, Octavia.”

 

Octavia sent Lexa a glare before taking off the bow and tossing it at her head.

 

“So are you going to tell me the reason for your visit?”

 

Octavia sat back, “Obviously to see my bestie.”

 

Lexa tilted her head, not believing her.

 

“Alright alright, you forced it out of me,” Octavia said dramatically. She took a breath and turned to sit facing Lexa, crossing her legs.

 

“Have you thought about coming to the X-mas Eve party?”

 

“Yeah I actually-”

 

“And I mean, everyone misses you. I know Jasper talked about his onesies.”

 

“Though unoriginal, I always enjoyed them.” Lexa interjected.

 

“It’ll be just us, alcohol and a shit ton of gingerbread cookies. I know you might not wanna go since…you know. But I feel like you’d have fun! And it’s Christmas Eve! If you want to be with Gustus, I get it. I hope you go and someone else kinda is-”

 

Octavia began mushing her words together, making Lexa shake her head in amusement. Her best friend really was something else. Lexa reached over and lightly shook Octavia out of her rambling.

 

“Sorry, I’m usually less wordy about this kinda thing.”

 

“Octavia, I want to go.”

 

Sitting there stunned, Octavia was silent. “Oh.” Seconds later, Octavia broke out into a beaming smile. “Oh! Hell yeah!”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa breathed shakily, scratching the back of her neck.

 

“Wh-what made you change your mind from this morning?”

 

“Well first of all, I never decided anything this morning.” Lexa pointed out.

 

“You know what I mean.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath, finding the words to describe what she had been thinking all day.

 

“I just thought about it and I want to spend Christmas Eve with my friends.”

 

“And Clarke.” Octavia winked.

 

Lexa glared at her best friend. “I would love to see Clarke as well.”

 

“Mhm,” Octavia nodded along. As much as Octavia wanted to tease Lexa about this, she was just elated that Lexa wanted to go out that night. Before she could say something Lexa spoke.

 

“I don’t want to spend Christmas Eve alone. I know I would be with my Uncle and that would be completely okay, but… I want to change, to get better. And I don’t want this Christmas to be different because of something like Costia. It’s time to move on.”

 

Octavia eyed Lexa a little cautiously, expecting some sort of resistance. Lexa had been getting better; she’s felt it when she talks to her and how she’s interacted with Raven and Clarke. And Clarke has helped Lexa a lot when it comes to getting her to open up; the batting cage was proof of that. Costia had loved the holidays and as Christmas came closer, Octavia was preparing herself for something to set Lexa back further.

 

But now, seeing at how sure Lexa looked with a small smile, Octavia couldn’t be happier.

 

“I’m happy for you, Lexa.”

 

She recognized the look Octavia had given when she told her about wanting to go and she didn’t blame her. After months of shutting herself out, Lexa herself had expected to just spend the holidays with her Uncle. But things changed. There wasn’t anything but her memories to remind her of the girl that left. Instead of the dread and sorrow she was used to, Lexa could feel the warmth course through her veins, excitement building.

 

Octavia discreetly attempted to wipe away a few tears that had been forming.

 

“Fucking allergies.”

 

“Allergies…” Lexa whispered softly, staring at her best friend, giving thanks for that one little league practice all those years ago.

 

“Alright let’s finish wrapping these things!” Octavia rolled up her sleeves and began cutting the snowman paper for the Barbie doll in front of her.

 

“We’re going to run out of your precious snowman paper in about two presents time, you know.”

 

“Shit.”

 

\--

 

Clarke’s alarm woke her up late the next morning. She reached over to shut it off, stretching her arms. She had four texts: one from her mom, Octavia, and one from Lexa.

 

Clarke sat up quickly at the name, tucking her hair behind her ear to get it out of her face.

 

**Mom: Christmas shopping tonight! Be ready around 5! Love you!**

So that gave her a good 6 hours of working more on Lexa’s grift. Clarke still had to buy her mom’s gift and Octavia and Raven’s. She was gonna have to be sneaky with her mom around.

 

**Clarke Griffin: I’ll be ready (: love you too**

 

 

**Octavia: ay i got some extra wrapping paper i think you’ll like**

“What?” Clarke looked at the text confused at the randomness of it. But hey, she wasn’t gonna argue with free wrapping paper.

 

**Clarke Griffin: Cool cause I could use some**

 

The nerves quickly came as she opened the text from Lexa sent really early that morning.

 

**Lexa Woods: Looking forward to seeing you on Christmas Eve (:**

Clarke’s heart nearly beat out of her chest as she reread the text. She read it again just to make sure it said exactly what it said. Lexa was going. And she was excited to see her-looking forward-but technicalities.

 

As much as she wanted to lie in bed squealing over Lexa’s text, she now had a bigger reason to finish Lexa’s gift since she’d be seeing her for the party.

 

She took a breath and then typed out a reply.

 

**Clarke Griffin: So you’re going? (: that’s awesome!**

**Clarke Griffin: I can’t wait to see you!**

Instantly, Clarke regretted that last one. It sounded way too pushy and now Clarke was freaking out. But not a minute later, her phone buzzed.

 

**Lexa Woods: I am! I can’t wait to see you too**

And that was the moment Clarke almost died. _Don’t overthink it!_ But Clarke couldn’t help it and let out a small ‘ahh’ of excitement. And with that, Clarke attempted to get out of bed, her foot getting caught in the sheets, making her fall face forward onto the floor.

 

A few miles away, Lexa tucked her phone away. Her heart raced as she imagined Clarke’s text again, taking in the words. She finished wrapping the present in front of her, tying a red ribbon elegantly across the package in a cross and then placing a bow right in the center. Delicately, she placed the to/from sticker on and wrote in her best writing.

 

_Clarke Griffin_

 

\--

 

Four days passed and in that time, presents were bought and wrapped, ready to be put under the tree and given out. It was finally Christmas Eve and Lexa was a body of nerves. She leaned against the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal, trying to get some food into her system. Her Uncle Gustus was in the living room calling the shelter to confirm their arrival time.

 

Lexa was also eager to drop off the donations with her Uncle. That tradition has been one she had shared with her Uncle every year since her parents died and was incredibly special. That effectively helped calm her down, thinking of the children’s faces as they brought boxes of presents just for them.

 

It was already four and they would leave around eight. After they finish, Lexa would drive over to Raven’s probably a little late, but that was okay. She was going to spend Christmas Eve doing two things that brought her joy.

 

Since she was going to head straight to Raven’s house after the shelter, she needed to already be dressed. Their Christmas Eve parties were never formal whatsoever so she usually dressed in black jeans and a Christmas sweater. She was excited to go tonight, but seeing Clarke, handing her the present, it was getting to her. She quickly shook off the thoughts and went upstairs into her room to see what sweaters she had to choose from. After changing into a pair of jeans she began her quest for a sweater.

 

“Uncle, do you know where my Christmas sweaters are?” Lexa called down.

 

Gustus hung up the phone after getting the okay from the shelter. “They should be on the top shelf in your closet, right?” He called back.

 

Lexa rolled her eyes for forgetting. After Christmas, they usually packed away Christmas-y clothes in boxes. It wasn’t often that Lexa wore them so she didn’t even think to get them out earlier.

 

Lexa grabbed a stool and stood on it to reach for the box on the highest shelf. She touched the top of one of the sides, trying to pull it closer to the edge. Frustrated, she went onto the tips of her toes near the end of the stool to give her that final push as close as she could. Right as she got her finger high enough to pull the box, Lexa felt the stool sway forward.

 

Lexa felt her stomach drop. Instinctively leaning back to try to stabilize the stool, she went to far and felt herself falling backwards.

 

She let out a short yell before she felt her back hit the carpeted floor. She opened her eyes and groaned as her back and her elbows began getting sore.

 

But seconds later, the box she was trying to get came toppling down, spilling its contents on top of her, which wasn’t horrible considering they were just clothes. But still, the box hurt. Lexa opened her eyes again to see all kinds of sweaters and jackets thrown all over her.

 

_That could’ve ended a lot worse…_

 

Lexa began picking herself up until a particular white knit sweater caught her eye. Just like seconds before, she felt her stomach begin to drop. Lexa’s hands trembled as she reached for the garment. Pulling it out of the pile confirmed what Lexa already knew. Tears began forming in her eyes.

 

The familiar red reindeer silhouettes in a row.

 

 _Costia’s._ Lexa remembered how Costia’s face lit up as she presented the sweater to Lexa. She had made it for their first Christmas together.

 

_“Will you wear it, Lex?”_

Lexa was more then happy to wear it. She had worn it for both Christmases when they were together. Everyone had teased her for it, but Costia would just kiss her cheek.

 

Lexa’s fingers traced over the loops and fabric then to the small C knitted into the bottom corner, imagining the work Costia had put into it. She knew that if she smelled it, Costia’s scent would probably have lingered. But she willed everything in her body not to.

 

What surprised Lexa was that it wasn’t panic and nausea that hit her. No. It was emptiness. Disappointment. Frustration. The tears that had began forming, quickly dried.

 

Lexa’s heart plunged into the depths, disappearing from what light it had seen.

 

What was the point? This just showed Lexa that the smallest things could remind her of what she lost. She told Octavia that she was past this, past missing her. She was ready to move on.

 

Clearly not.

 

Lexa sat on the floor of her room for what felt like forever, clutching at the sweater. She stared at it as if her eyes would make it burst into flames. Swiftly, she threw it into the corner of her room, not wanting to look at it anymore.

 

She willed her legs to move, picking herself up from the floor and sat on her bed. Just like that day at the baseball diamond, here she was: weak. Something always controlled how she felt. Neva. A sweater! This piece of clothing held more power over her than she did for herself.

 

Did she even want to go tonight? What if someone pointed out her absences or brings up Costia? What if something else reminds her of what she lost? What if she’s bound to always be heartbroken? What if Clarke ends up breaking her heart? They weren’t even together and thoughts of another heartbreak made her chest clench.

 

Thoughts kept spiraling in Lexa’s head until soon it was seven. After spending that much time in her own head, Lexa was tired.

 

The least Lexa could do was let Clarke know. She didn’t want to disappoint Octavia, not after their conversation a few days ago. So she pulled out her phone.

 

**Lexa Woods: I’m sorry Clarke, but something came up. I won’t be attending tonight.**

 

She pocketed her phone and went downstairs.

 

Gustus could see the change in his niece immediately. His heart ached for what Lexa was going through.

 

“Uncle, I’m not feeling too well. So after we drive to the shelter, I’m going to spend the night here.”

 

“Is everything okay, Lexa?”

 

Lexa nodded trying to look as convincing as possible. “Just my stomach.” She began walking towards the living room when Gustus spoke up again.

 

“Alexandria.”

 

Lexa froze at the use of her full name. She clenched her jaw and used ever muscle in her body not to let a single tear form.

 

“Alexandria, it’s okay. I know these past few months have been hard. And I know you’re hurting. You’ve been through so much.” He paused, seeing Lexa’s shoulders begin to loose their tension.

 

“You can stay home. I want you to always feel comfortable and not do anything that could cause you pain. But just know,” Gustus walked towards his niece and gently put his hand on her shoulder, “it’s okay to be feel. Having it together all the time isn’t real. You can talk to me, you know that.”

 

Lexa’s jaw never unclenched. But she put her hand on his, “Thank you, Uncle.”

 

Gustus gave her a somber smile.

 

“Well then, I guess there’s nothing to do but count the presents.”

 

“Didn’t you already do that?”

 

“Yes but we both know you’re much better at it then me.”

 

Lexa shook her head and sat on the couch, and began going through the list again.

 

\--

 

Christmas Eve was tonight and Clarke wasn’t even attempting to hide her excitement.

 

Clarke stared at the presents she had bought for everyone, satisfied at how they looked, snowman wrapping paper and all. For some reason, Octavia had bought like twenty rolls of it and dropped some off three days ago. But Clarke was grateful. Now, after all the paper cuts she endured, she was quite proud. Her eyes looked down at one in particular. Lexa’s. She had made sure to spend a bit more time on wrapping that specific gift.

 

Clarke couldn’t help the feeling of nervousness that coursed through her veins. Lexa was going to Raven’s with the whole group. The thought of all her friends, Lexa beside her, sent a wave of glee. She imagined Jasper and Monty dressed up as Santa and an elf, alcohol in their system and she absolutely couldn’t wait to see that disaster.

 

Everyone was getting to Raven’s around 9PM that night so Clarke had about an hour to kill until Raven came to pick her up.

 

Her phone suddenly buzzed on the table. Clarke perked up as she saw Lexa’s name come up on the screen.

 

**Lexa Woods: I’m sorry Clarke, but something came up. I won’t be attending tonight.**

 

The words blurred together. Clarke felt her heart clench at the words. She stared at the text for a minute, dejection and disappointment running through her body, but also confusion. The message was clear, but it didn’t make sense. What happened?

 

Clarke couldn’t help but feel that it was something else, that maybe something like at the baseball diamond happened. Or was that just Clarke being upset that she couldn’t make it and making something out of nothing. Maybe something just came up and required Lexa’s attention? But Lexa had been texting her occasionally about Christmas Eve and hadn’t mentioned anything that could’ve been happening.

 

The doorbell rang 15 minutes later and it was Raven all bundled up, a pair of earmuffs gracing her head.

 

“You ready, Princess?”

 

Clarke opened the door so she could come in.

 

“Why do you look like someone took a piss in your hot chocolate?”

 

Ignoring Raven’s question, Clarke grabbed her bag, putting everyone’s present, including Lexa’s, in it. “Can we make a stop at Lexa’s house?”

 

Raven gave her a confused look, “I thought she was driving over. Want to get some mistletoe action before you’re in front of everyone?”

 

“Please Raven.”

 

The brunette’s joking smirk quickly disappeared as she saw the worry in her friend’s eyes.

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“I just want to talk to her for a second.”

 

Raven nodded, “Alright, sure.”

 

Putting on her beanie and securing her coat, Clarke put the strap of her bag over her shoulder and followed Raven to her car.

 

\--

 

Clarke felt her body shiver as the cold slipped through her coat. She quickly fastened the last button and pulled her beanie tighter onto her head. If it weren’t for the cold, then surely her nerves would be the cause of her body shaking.

 

Clarke stood in front of Lexa’s house next to Raven’s car that was parked in the driveway. It was decorated with white lights that framed every edge of the house and glowing stars hanging in the window. Lexa wasn’t kidding when she said her Uncle decorated their house adequately.

 

She could see Lexa’s car parked by the sidewalk so she knew that she was home.

 

She didn’t know why she was so nervous; Lexa and her had seen each other practically every day and quickly became friends. So why was she so nervous to walk up to the door and ask why she was suddenly not able to attend the party? Clarke could feel her stomach start to twist at the thought of Lexa closing the door on her. She knew that Lexa wouldn’t be cruel like that, but Clarke’s imagination at this point was running rampant.

 

“Give me 15 minutes?”

 

Raven responded with a thumbs up through the passenger window.

 

Clarke took a deep breath, the cold air burning her nostrils and willed her feet to move, eventually faced with a wreath hanging on the door.

 

\--

 

Lexa sat on the couch as she finished counting the last of the presents. Kaiser was lying on the fake snow underneath the Christmas tree, the colorful lights shining above him. It was nearing 8 o’clock and her and her Uncle were preparing to leave for the shelter.

 

Her Uncle Gustus wasn’t underplaying the amount of donations the shop received this year. Lexa couldn’t help the sting in her eyes as a couple of tears formed at the thought of all the children receiving their own gifts. At least some happiness would be felt tonight.

 

Lexa looked over at Kaiser, “They’re going to be so happy, boy.”

 

She could her Uncle’s heavy footsteps above her as he was getting dressed. He had given her time alone and went upstairs.

 

“Lexa! Don’t forget to put the presents in the boxes, easier to carry to the car!”

 

“Understood!” She called back.

 

Lexa stood up and grabbed the cardboard boxes by the stairs and began arranging the presents inside, careful not to rip off their individual ribbons and bows. Lexa stood in front of her work and smiled. All together, they had 12 boxes filled to the brim with wrapped gifts.

 

All of a sudden, Kaiser let out a soft bark from the tree and sat up. Lexa was taken aback by his sudden curiosity. His ears were perked up and he was staring at the large living room window. Then he stood up, his tail wagging, and made his way to the front door.

 

“What is it, Kaiser?”

 

Then the doorbell rang.

 

Lexa eyed the door apprehensively. There wasn’t really anyone who could have been visiting at this moment. Octavia and everyone else would have been on their way to the Christmas Eve party right now. She hadn’t told anyone besides Clarke that she wasn’t going.

 

Lexa walked to the door and pushed Kaiser back so she could open it without him jumping on whoever was there. Using her leg, she kept Kaiser behind her and she slowly opened the door.

 

And she was met with blue eyes staring at her.

 

There was Clarke, a scarf wrapped around her neck, a dark buttoned coat, and a gray beanie with a giant poof-ball on the top, a shy smile gracing her face.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Hey.” Clarke shoved her hands in her coat pockets as Lexa just stared at her.

 

“Hello. What are you doing here?”

 

Lexa wrapped her arms around herself tightly as the cold breezed in. Lexa could feel the blood rush to her face at how adorable Clarke looked all bundled up. She hadn’t expected Clarke to show up here after her text.

 

“Um well, I hope I’m not being to forward, but you already know the Christmas Eve party is tonight. That text, Lexa what-”

 

“Lexa!” Her Uncle Gustus’ voice boomed down from the top of the stairs. He walked down putting on his coat. His eyes widened seeing Lexa with a girl at the door.

 

“Whose this?”

 

Lexa stepped to the side and opened the door wide, letting Clarke look into the house at the large man she recognized from the photo at the batting cage.

 

“Uncle uh, this is Clarke.” Lexa pulled at her sweater.

 

Gustus was instantly taken by surprise at Lexa’s obvious nervousness. He cocked an eyebrow at the girl. So this was the girl who had thrown his niece into a ball of nerves.

 

“Clarke, well come on in! It’s freezing out there.”

 

Lexa extended her arm, motioning for Clarke to come in, laughing timidly. “Sorry, where were my manners.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Clarke stepped inside the warm house and was filled with the scent of peppermint, pine and new wrapping paper.

 

Clarke outstretched her hand as Lexa’s Uncle came to meet her. The man was much larger than she expected. The picture at the batting cage did not do his size justice. He was way more intimidating.

 

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

Gustus shook Clarke’s hand ecstatically, a wide smile on his face.

 

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Clarke. I’m Lexa’s Uncle Gustus. Lexa’s told me a bit about you.”

 

Clarke blushed at the statement. So Lexa talked about her to her family?

 

Suddenly a large mass crashed into her legs, almost sending her to the floor. She looked down and was met with a large German Shepard wagging its tail and tongue hanging out.

 

“This is Kaiser.” Lexa kneeled down to scratch his back.

 

Clarke kneeled right after her and began petting his head as he sniffed at her clothes, taking in her new scent.

 

“Hello Kaiser! It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Lexa looked on affectionately as Clarke accepted Kaiser now kissing on her face.

 

“He likes you a lot.”

 

“Awesome. My one goal in life is to be loved by puppies everywhere.” Clarke said with all seriousness as she looked up from Kaiser to gaze into Lexa’s eyes.

 

“Kaiser definitely still acts like a puppy.”

 

“Hey, all dogs are puppies.”

 

Clarke and Lexa stood up, much to Kaiser’s disappointment.

 

“Clarke, what brings you to our home on Christmas Eve?” Gustus asked, curious if this had anything to do with Lexa’s sudden change in mood.

 

Lexa tensed up at her Uncle’s question, already knowing why Clarke was here.

 

“I was actually hoping to talk with Lexa for a little bit.”

 

Gustus’ eyebrows rose, “Oh yes of course, go right ahead. I’ll just be-” He hesitantly pointed towards the kitchen. Gustus walked away from the girls into the kitchen, giving them their privacy.

 

Lexa lips formed into a tight line at the conversation that was coming.

 

“Did you want to sit down?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Lexa lead Clarke into the living room and they both sat on the couch, Kaiser sitting pressed up against Clarke’s legs. Clarke took off her coat, now warm inside Lexa’s house.

 

“Looks like he-”

 

“Lexa, what happened?” Clarke cut her off, trying to catch her gaze.

 

Lexa visibly tensed up.

 

“I’m assuming you only texted me since Octavia’s not already here. Why?”

 

A silence washed over the two as Lexa contemplated telling Clarke. They had had this conversation before in Raven’s room. Her throat felt dry as she tried to find the words to say.

 

“I-” Lexa took a deep breath. “I found a sweater that Costia made me two years ago.”

 

Clarke nodded, now understanding the sudden text.

 

“I didn’t cry. I didn’t feel sorrow. I felt emptiness and anger. I wanted to be past this!” Lexa clenched her fists on top of her knees. After that first sentence, the rest seemed to pour out.

 

“I told Octavia that I was passed missing her and ready to move on. That’s what tonight was supposed to be about. Starting to not let her or what happened affect my choices such as what’s exactly happening right now.”

 

Lexa’s throat constricted as she paused.

 

Clarke shook her head and placed a hand on Lexa’s left.

 

“Hey,” Clarke whispered. “Hey look at me.”

 

Lexa refused to meet her eyes, instead just looking down at Kaiser who was now staring at the both of them.

 

“It’s okay to still miss someone. You two went through a lot and her leaving so suddenly. Missing her is normal.”

 

Lexa listened to Clarke’s words.

 

“Remember when we talked in Raven’s room? And you told me that feelings made you weak?”

 

Though she was slightly drunk, Lexa remembered everything about that night. It was one of the best she’d had in a long time. And Clarke’s words are what help solidify Lexa wanting to change.

 

“This is exactly like that. You can’t help it when you miss someone.”

 

“But that means there’s still something that has power over me.”

 

“No it doesn’t. You miss her and the memories you share. I’m sure that was a memorable Christmas the year she gave that to you. I know the first few Christmases without my dad were really tough. But my mom and I got through it. I miss my dad every Christmas, but I know he wouldn’t want me to be sad.”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“You’ve accepted that you want to move on. That’s what matters, Lexa. There are gonna be days that something will remind you of her and it might hurt a little. One day, it won’t. But until then, you have to tell yourself that it’s okay to move on and still have those moments of missing a person. You just have to learn to let yourself feel that and push through it. It’s just being human.”

 

Lexa bit her lip as Clarke finished. She could feel Clarke’s hand hold hers a bit tighter, letting her know she was still there.

 

What Clarke was saying was right. She couldn’t wait until there’s no more pain to begin moving on in her life. Was she going to let every little thing affect her like the sweater did tonight and stop her from doing something else? No, Lexa didn’t want that.

 

Lexa looked up at Clarke’s blue eyes, the eyes that had started this entire journey.

 

“I can see your point and you’re right Clarke.” Lexa turned her hand over, lacing their fingers together. She had missed the familiar warmth of the blonde’s hand in hers.

 

“I hope you know that this wasn’t about trying to convince you to come tonight,” Clarke stated, hoping Lexa didn’t think differently. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

Lexa quickly drew their connected hands towards her and pulled Clarke into a hug. “Thank you, Clarke. I really appreciate you coming.” Lexa immediately found comfort in the hug, never wanting to let go.

 

Clarke was taken by surprise, but instantly relaxed into the embrace, feeling how warm Lexa’s body was. She lifted her arms and wrapped them around Lexa, bringing her closer.

 

“Always.”

 

After about a minute, they withdrew from the hug, timid smiles on both of their faces. 

 

“Can I ask, why you only texted me and not Octavia?”

 

Lexa looked back down at the floor, blood flowing to her cheeks.

 

“I guess it’s because you were the one I was most looking forward to seeing tonight. And I felt that if I didn’t show up without an explanation, you would’ve felt the exact same I would have if you didn’t show.”

 

“And what would that have been?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa smiled softly feeling a surge of certainty. She gazed into Clarke’s eyes, “I would have missed you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2015 has turned out to be the most stressful year so far. I'm thankful to you guys for being patient and I hope I don't disappoint. 
> 
> Let me know what you think? And until next time! I appreciate all the reviews, kudos, and subs!
> 
> As usual, you can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) come rant about clexa to me or just say hi :)


	8. Merry Christmas, Darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Late Christmas! Happy Late Holidays! And Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful time!
> 
> The longest one yet!

 

Clarke’s attention shifted as she suddenly noticed the large number of presents that were piled in boxes.

 

“What’s with the boxes?”

 

“Oh,” Lexa stood up, “come look.” Her fingers still laced with Clarke’s, pulled her up to one of the boxes.

 

“My Uncle and I wrap the toys and clothes donations he receives at his tattoo parlor. Then we deliver them to a shelter for the children so they have their own Christmas presents too.”

 

Clarke’s eyes began to well up, looking at the twelve boxes filled with gifts there. She glanced at Lexa who was smiling happily at the boxes. Clarke couldn’t believe how caring and loving Lexa was underneath her shell.

 

“That’s amazing, Lexa.”

 

Lexa looked over the boxes of gifts, proud of what they do. “We’ve done it every year since I’ve been with him. Never miss a year.”

 

At that moment, when he had made sure there wasn’t anymore deep conversation happening, Gustus came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a towel.

 

“Lexa, we should be heading out soon. They’re expecting us around 8:30.”

 

Lexa couldn’t help the longing feeling in her stomach. She turned to Clarke who was smiling, hint of sadness behind it, as she’d have to say goodbye for the night. She accepted that Lexa still might not want to go, but it didn’t mean there wasn’t a small bit of sadness.

 

“I can stop by Raven’s later tonight.”

 

Clarke perked up at Lexa’s words. “You wanna come?”

 

“I would like to.”

 

Lexa swallowed nervously. It was time to accept the hurt and push past it. She didn’t want this night to be over yet, the night with Clarke. And Lexa knew that Octavia was waiting, along with the rest of their friends.

 

Gustus noticed the looks shared between his niece and Clarke. Whatever Clarke had said to her, it definitely improved Lexa’s night. He nodded, making up his mind.

 

“Lexa,” Gustus called out to her, “why don’t you and Clarke actually deliver them tonight?”

 

Lexa turned to her Uncle, surprised. “Uncle?”

 

“Think about it. If you and Clarke go, we wouldn’t have to take two cars and you could both leave together to where you want to go.” Gustus stated. “And I think that Clarke would enjoy herself.”

 

A part of Lexa ached because this was something that only her and her Uncle had done since her adoption. But the other part would love to show Clarke something else that she held very dear to her heart.

 

“What do you think, Clarke? Would you like to come?”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened, “Yeah! Totally!”

 

Lexa out an amused laugh at her enthusiasm.

 

“Are you sure, Uncle?”

 

“I’ve never been more sure. I can help you load everything into your car.”

 

Lexa walked over to the large man and embraced him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, remembering the first time he hugged her, afraid to break the small girl. Now here she was nine years later, at his shoulder, hugging him with a newfound strength.

 

Clarke took out her phone, giving them a moment alone. She texted Raven the new plan.

 

**Clarke Griffin: You can head back. Lexa’s gonna give me a ride to your place**

**Raven Reyes: everything okay?**

**Clarke Griffin: more than okay**

**Raven Reyes: did you guys fuck or something ;)**

Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend.

 

**Clarke Griffin: NO!**

**Raven Reyes: did lexa give you the thing?**

**Clarke Griffin: Was that supposed to be sexual?**

**Raven Reyes: nevermind forget I said that**

**Raven Reyes: see ya tonight**

**Clarke Griffin: Thanks Raven <3**

**Raven Reyes: anytime, princess**

 

Clarke locked her phone, shoving it into her pocket. She was curious as to what Raven meant by Lexa giving her something, but then she looked up to see Lexa walking towards her. “So we’re going to load up all the boxes into my car right now and then head out.”

 

Clarke nodded eagerly. “Alright, let’s do it!” She swiftly walked over to the couch and put on her coat to take on the cold air.

 

“Oh, one second.” Lexa bounded up the stairs into her room. She scanned the sweaters that littered her floor and chose her favorite, one that Octavia had picked out for her, and put it on over her white shirt.

 

After putting on the sweater she turned to her desk and picked up the small box she had wrapped the day after Clarke’s original present. She had seen this particular gift out of the corner of her eye behind glass and knew instantly that she had to buy it after texting Raven to confirm a certain detail. She quickly shoved the small present in the pocket of her pants.

 

After she finished, she turned towards that certain corner of her room, the white sweater lying there. Lexa took a deep breath and walked over to it, picking the sweater and placed it back into the box. Not looking back, Lexa walked back down the stairs where Clarke awaited her.

 

Clarke couldn’t help the snort that came out of her when she saw what Lexa was wearing.

 

“Is that Grumpy Cat?”

 

Lexa grinned alongside Clarke, looking down at the red sweater. “Unfortunately yes. Octavia got this for me one year and it quickly became a favorite of mine.”

 

“I can’t imagine why she got it for you.” Clarke teased.

 

Lexa frowned jokingly, which made Clarke laugh louder, “Oh my god! You match her perfectly!”

 

Lexa shoved on her coat, hiding the sweater from Clarke’s teasing. Before Clarke could see, Lexa pocketed the present into her coat. After, the two girls began picking up box by box with Gustus and walking them outside to Lexa’s car. Arranging them carefully, they placed them in the trunk, careful not to crush anything.

 

Gustus shut the trunk after it was full, putting the last four boxes in the backseat. Lexa had placed her own presents that were in a backpack on top of the four boxes.

 

“And there we go.”

 

“Thank you, Uncle.”

 

Gustus motioned to the car, Clarke already seated in the passenger seat. “You should get going.”

 

Lexa gave her Uncle one last hug and then began getting into the car when a shiver ran through her body.

 

Gustus walked up to the driver side door and held out a beanie.

 

“Forgetting something?”

 

“Thank you again,” Lexa said sheepishly. She pulled her hair of its half-assed bun and shook her hair out, letting it fall on her shoulders. Lexa threw on the beanie, now completely warm. Gustus patted the top of the car and waved to the both of them.

 

“It was nice meeting you, Clarke!”

 

“I was nice meeting you too!”

 

Lexa turned on the ignition and gave her Uncle one last wave. Then she drove off, leaving Gustus alone.

 

“Time for some eggnog.” He said to himself and then walked back into the house.

 

\--

 

The drive to the shelter was filled with a comfortable silence between them, the radio playing soft Christmas music. Lexa drove with one hand on the wheel, her right palm open on her leg. Clarke wanted nothing more than to inch her hand closer to the baseball player’s.

 

“I’m happy you could meet my Uncle.”

 

“Me too. He’s really sweet.”

 

“Everyone always refers to him as a gentle giant.”

 

“I can see why,” Clarke chuckled.

 

“Where’s your mother tonight? Did you manage to find her a new present?”

 

Clarke nodded, “She’s working a shift at the hospital. Since we celebrate on Christmas Day, we both figured she could take one tonight.” Clarke smiled. “Oh, and yeah, I got her covered.”

 

“I’m glad. It was hard seeing you that disheartened that day at the mall.”

 

Clarke appreciated Lexa’s concern, even though it was misplaced. The fact that she cared so much about her present to her mom was comforting. Clarke made peace with the telescope and instead worked on something for the last couple of days. Hopefully Lexa enjoyed her new gift.

 

“It’s all good now.” Clarke reassured her. “Thanks for being my lookout that day, Commander.”

 

Lexa grinned at the familiar nickname and lightly shoved at Clarke’s shoulder teasingly. Clarke snickered at her reaction, knowing she secretly enjoyed the name.

 

“We’re almost there.” Lexa motioned with her head at a building down the street.

 

“How many kids are there usually?”

 

“Around 50-75, so my Uncle and I try to get more toys then the children just in case there are more than usual. You never know around the holidays.”

 

“I don’t know how you wrapped that many. I wrapped eight and my fingers look like they were in a Saw movie.”

 

“I’m very precise with my gift wrapping. No paper cuts on these hands.” Lexa held out her right hand to Clarke who happily took it in her own. She made no attempt to even pretend to search for cuts, instead, taking a moment to just feel Lexa’s hand with her fingertips. She gently traced the lines in her palm, up to the tips of her fingers. Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand relax, letting Clarke ‘inspect’ her hand.

 

After a few more seconds, Clarke reluctantly pushed Lexa’s hand back, “Yeah I guess you’re right.”

 

Lexa winked at the blonde right before she pulled into a parking space right in front of the shelter. Clarke stared up at the large building. There were colorful lights around the doorway and wrapped around the bushes in front.

 

Lexa reached behind her seat and pulled out two Santa hats. Clarke raised an eyebrow at the captain’s mischievous smile. “Octavia eventually rubbed off on me.”

 

“I’m not judging!” Clarke happily took one of them and switched her beanie for the red hat. Lexa did the same, and now Clarke beamed at how utterly adorable Lexa looked as the white poofball from the Santa hat fell in front of her face.

 

Then Lexa was out of her seat in seconds, suddenly at the other side of the car, opening Clarke’s door with an excited smile on her face. “Come on.”

 

Clarke followed Lexa up the stairs to the doors with large wreaths hanging. Above the doors, a large sign read “Women and Children’s Shelter”. Looking up, she could see windows lit with silhouettes in the background, making out small children.

 

“A women and children’s shelter?”

 

Lexa nodded. “My Uncle and I choose these most of the times because we want to help them in anyway we can.” Lexa’s throat tightened. “Some of these women have been abused and bring their children here to escape their abusers.”

 

Clarke’s eyes snapped to Lexa. “Oh my god.”

 

“Yes. This shelter offers about a three-month stay where they help them with counseling, jobs and medical assistance. Education and care for their children. Anyway they can help, really.”

 

Clarke looked up at the building, her chest tightening, imagining what these children and their mothers went through- _are_ going through.

 

“This place is very loving and those who run it are very proud of what they do. So they are getting the best help they can.” Lexa nudged Clarke’s shoulder reassuringly. “This will definitely lift their spirits.”

 

Lexa took a breath, “Are you ready?”

 

Clarke nodded happily; ready to help these kids’ Christmas get a bit better. Lexa pulled one of the doors open, letting Clarke enter first. She was met with a large waiting room divided by a long wooden desk. Two small decorative Christmas trees were on each side of the desk, flashing colorful lights. There were several people behind the desk, two men and an older woman, filling out forms. Frank Sinatra’s voice singing Silent Night filled the room from a small radio.

 

Lexa went up to the desk with a warm smile, “Mrs. Kane!”

 

The older woman looked up from her work at her name and clapped her hands excitedly when she saw them.

 

“Alexandria! None of that Mrs. nonsense. I have told you time and time again to call me Vera. ”

 

Clarke was taken aback, hearing Lexa’s full name for the first time. She had only heard and called her Lexa, thinking that was just her name.

 

Lexa saw the tiny hint of surprise in Clarke’s eyes.

 

“Alexandria Woods, my name.” Lexa leaned over and whispered.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Clarke whispered back.

 

Lexa’s breath hitched at the word, a slight blush creeping into her cheeks.

 

By then, Vera had come out of another door, her arms outstretched, welcoming Lexa into a hug. Vera was a tiny lady so Lexa leaned down to return the hug.

 

“It’s so good to see you!”

 

“It’s good to be back. How is everyone?”

 

Vera raised her hands as if not knowing where to begin. “Well, David’s arthritis is acting up again. Michelle just applied to graduate school and we’re praying she gets in…”

 

Lexa listened about Vera’s family. She had heard stories of her family since Uncle Gustus and her began coming here and she loved catching up with her family.

 

Vera put her hands on her hips, “Now where’s Gustus?”

 

“Actually, Vera, I’m delivering the presents with my friend Clarke this year.”

 

Lexa nodded for Clarke to come over, waving her hand. Clarke stopped right next to Lexa’s side and held out her hand.

 

“It’s nice to meet you!”

 

Vera’s eyes widened as she saw Clarke, a grin forming on her lips. She extended her hand and shook Clarke’s softy. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Clarke. It’s great you could come with Alexandria this year.”

 

“We’ve collected the largest donation yet, all wrapped and ready to be handed out. I think the kids and everyone will be happy. Lexa told her.

 

“Well that’s wonderful! Why don’t we get started in bringing them up?” Vera turned to one of the men behind the desk, “Marcus can you come help Alexandria and Clarke with the toy donations?”

 

Marcus looked up from a book he was reading, “Of course, mother.”

 

With Marcus’ help, Lexa and Clarke began bringing up the boxes, careful not to drop anything. One by one, they went back to the car and to the warmth of the shelter.

 

“I have to say, Lexa. We appreciate what you and your Uncle do every year.”

 

“It’s the least we could do.”

 

After multiple trips to the car, Lexa carried the last box into the building, shaking off the cold after placing the box on the floor. Clarke marveled at the number of presents once again, excited at the thought of the children opening them all up.

 

“Thank you, both of you.” Vera stood next to the two girls as Marcus left to tend to the phone ringing. She held Lexa’s hand, squeezing it.

 

“You’re welcome, Vera.”

 

“Do you give the presents out tonight?”

 

“We actually wait until Christmas morning. Santa has to deliver them doesn’t he?”

 

Clarke nodded knowingly.

 

Like a light bulb went off in her head, Vera clapped her hands and smiled at the brunette.

 

“Did you want to come say hi?”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened at the question. A part of her was welcome to the idea of seeing all the children that would soon be filled with happiness at their presents. But the other part was afraid to see a familiar face, meaning that a woman or child’s situation was still in the process of being improved and all Lexa wanted was for them to have a better life. They deserved that and more.

 

With an unsure nod, Lexa smiled at Vera. “I do.”

 

“Come on you two, everyone’s having dinner right now.”

 

Vera led the way to two large doors with Lexa and Clarke following behind. As she pushed the doors open, Clarke could hear talking and yells of excitement, even some singing. As they walked the short hallway, the noises increased and Clarke could make out children’s voices.

 

Vera opened another pair of doors and Clarke was met with a large bright room, tables lined in several rows. There were easily about 100 people together. Women and children were sitting and eating, talking with one another. Some were walking, trays in hand to get more food from the buffet lines set up on the side of the room. Kids were running around playing, occasionally getting chastised by their mothers. A tall Christmas tree stood in the corner, decorated beautifully, a star proudly on the top.

 

All of a sudden there were two tiny yells of excitement and the sounds of little feet running on the floor.

 

“Lexa!”

 

Before Clarke or Lexa knew what was happening, the baseball captain was on the floor with two little kids giggling on top of her, a boy and a girl. Lexa didn’t even register her butt getting sore from the floor as she laughed along with the children.

 

Clarke’s ears filled with the wonderful sound that was Lexa’s laugh. That laughter came from deep inside her and came out unafraid and loud; her eyes shut and mouth wide.

 

“Nooo! I’m being attacked!” Lexa wheezed out between laughs. “I can’t hold on!”

 

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh along with her and the kids who had now began tickling the captain. Lexa quickly recovered and began tickling the two kids back. She stood up and picked up the girl, throwing her over her shoulder.

 

“Lexa! Stop!” The little girl giggled joyfully.

 

“Do you give up, Kira?”

 

“Never!”

 

“My turn after!” The boy called out looking up.

 

“Kids, stop hurting the poor girl. Skylar!” A woman called from her seat at a nearby table.

 

“Hello, Reina!” Lexa called out, looking over at the woman.

 

“Hello, Lexa! Long time no see.” Reina called back, currently occupied with feeding a small baby next to her. Vera quickly excused herself and walked over to her and began chatting.

 

“Yeah! What happened?” The little boy, Skylar, crossed his arms and sneered at Lexa, waiting for an explanation.

 

Clarke stood beside them, gushing internally how cute the three of them were.

 

“I apologize, but this past summer I was a little occupied.”

 

Lexa turned to Clarke, careful not to hit her with Kira’s kicking feet. Clarke carefully dodged and laughed at the little girl still trying to escape Lexa’s arm.

 

“I coach little league baseball during the summer,” Lexa explained while putting Kira down carefully. “Skylar here is one of my best players.”

 

“Wow, that’s awesome, Skylar!” Clarke exclaimed in admiration.

 

Skylar blushed at Clarke’s comment and looked down at his shoes, trying to stare anywhere else but at the blonde. “Thanks.”

 

“Me too!” Kira pouted.

 

“You have a couple of more years, Kira.” Lexa gently poked at her forehead.

 

“And how old are you two?” Clarke asked the siblings.

 

Kira put up one of her hands and quickly counted on her fingers. “I’m four!” She had all five small little fingers up which Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at.

 

Lexa pushed Kira’s thumb into her palm, “Four is right.” Kira stared with wide eyes at Lexa and her tiny giggle rang out.

 

“I’m seven.” Skylar whispered up at Clarke bashfully.

 

Lexa leaned over to Clarke and whispered, “Looks like someone has a crush.”

 

Skylar’s eyes snapped to Lexa. “Quiet, traitor!” He ran over to Lexa and tried tackling her to the ground. But Lexa caught him like she did Kira and picked him up.

 

“I know the feeling, bud.” Lexa whispered to the boy, quiet enough so Clarke couldn’t hear. Skylar’s eyes widened and a grin slowly formed on his face.

 

Skylar quickly climbed out of Lexa’s grip and ran over to his sister.

 

“Are you guys ready for Santa?” Clarke asked.

 

Both children nodded excitedly. “Vera let a bunch of us make cookies!”

 

“Homemade! Good choice.”

 

“That means you guys have to go to bed soon, or Santa’s not going come,” Lexa pointed out.

 

“Which is absolutely true,” Vera stated, walking up to them.

 

Kira and Skylar groaned at the thought of going to bed. At their groans, more kids ran up to them. Skylar and Kira quickly descended into excited yells and sounds at the arrival of Santa Claus or groans about their mothers telling them to get ready for bed. Clarke watched on, warmth filling her body at the thought of all these children’s happy faces on Christmas morning.

 

“We should really get going. We don’t want to keep these kids up longer than they should.” Lexa pointed at Skylar who just stuck his tongue out at her.

 

“Thank you for letting us in for a bit, Vera.” Lexa hugged the older woman tightly.

 

“Thank _you_ , Lexa, honestly. And tell your Uncle he better get his butt over here sometime soon.”

 

The little kids laughed at Vera when the word butt came out of her mouth.

 

“I’ll be sure to pass that along.”

 

“It was nice meeting you, Clarke. Thank you for coming as well.”

 

“It was my pleasure.”

 

After saying goodbye to Vera, Lexa was about to open the door for Clarke into the hallway when a loud Skylar let out a loud “Oooh!” Promptly, all the other kids squealed at them.

 

Lexa looked over at the group of kids. “Alright what is it?”

 

Skylar leaned over to his sister and pointed right above Lexa and Clarke’s head. Kira quickly burst into giggles of delight. Lexa and Clarke followed his finger and looked up at what was hanging on the doorway.

 

Mistletoe.

 

Clarke felt a blush creep onto her cheeks as she quickly glanced at Lexa’s wide eyes. Lexa stared at the mistletoe, trying to organize her thoughts that were going spiraling out of control. The large room suddenly felt like it was the size of a closet and her coat was roasting her.

 

“You gotta kiss her, Lexa! It’s the rules!” Skylar pointed right at Clarke. The other children let out shouts of agreement and started cheering them on.

 

“Who says?”

 

“Everyone! Duh!” The kids said like it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

 

“I- uh” Lexa looked to Clarke as if she would have the answer.

 

Clarke turned to the kids and put her arms up in surrender. “Okay okay! You’re right, those are the rules.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened and she quickly put her hand up to interject. “Cla-”

 

Clarke made the decision without thinking and quickly stepped into Lexa. Lexa’s breath hitched at how close the blonde had suddenly gotten. Flashes of their moment at the batting cage raced through her brain, remembering the feeling of having Clarke that close. Wide blue eyes stared at her with a certainty behind them. This was it.

 

Clarke was inches away from Lexa’s face; all traces of doubt seemed to fade away from the captain’s face.

 

The children waited with wide eyes and baited breaths as Clarke leaned in.

 

Lexa closed her eyes and waited for Clarke to close the distance. The only thing she could hear was the pounding of her heart.

 

After what felt like eternity, Lexa felt the brush of soft lips press against her left cheek. Lexa’s entire body stiffened at the warmth and gentleness of the kiss.

 

“What?”

 

“No fair!”

 

Lexa slowly opened her eyes and saw Clarke leaning back with a shy smile. Lexa smirked at the sounds of disappointment from the kids. A couple of the smaller kids shielded their eyes, not wanting to see two adults kissing cause ‘yuck, that’s gross.’

 

It was quick thinking from Clarke, but Lexa couldn’t help the short sting of disappointment right along with the children.

 

“You cheated!” Skylar accused Clarke.

 

“You guys didn’t say where I had to kiss her!” Clarke winked at the frustrated boy.

 

Lexa brought her fingers to her cheek, lingering over spot where Clarke’s lips rested. After a few seconds, she recovered from her trance and nodded. “Exactly! And now, we’ll be saying goodbye.”

 

Lexa opened the door for Clarke and waved to the kids.

 

“Get to bed soon! Or you’re going to wind up with coal,” Lexa warned.

 

A chorus of “Bye, Lexa!” rang out.

 

“Merry Christmas!” Clarke yelled out which was happily returned by everyone in the large room.

 

And with that final holiday wish, Clarke and Lexa exited the room and into the hallway. The hum of talking and yells of excitement was a muffled sound in the background as the door closed and it was now just the two of them.

 

“That was really nice.”

 

“Now imagine coaching most of them.” Lexa joked.

 

“I can only imagine,” Clarke shook her head and shoved Lexa lightly.

 

“Good thinking, by the way. With the kiss.” Lexa pointed at her cheek, willing her face not to blush

 

Clarke shrugged casually. “I’ve been practicing my excuses for tonight. Bellamy told me Jasper busts out the mistletoe every year at the party.”

 

Lexa nodded, “That is the truth,” her mouth forming a tight frown, remembering the previous year and a bottle almost hitting his head.

 

“And besides, we had to give the crowd something.” Clarke smirked.

 

Lexa avoided Clarke’s teasing stare and bit her lip.

 

After bidding Marcus a Merry Christmas, Lexa and Clarke walked out of the building into the cold, lightness in their steps. Before Lexa leaned down to open the passenger door, Clarke reached over and grabbed Lexa’s glove covered hand.

 

“Hey.”

 

Lexa looked back at her, curious. “Yes, Clarke?”

 

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it’s something you do with your Uncle and it means a lot to you. I’m happy you wanted me to come.”

 

A wave of calm and warmth washed over Lexa. This was the thing about being around Clarke. While the blonde made her heart race like no other, she also brought a wave of comfort and peace. So sharing these moments that meant something to her personally with someone who would appreciate it and give Lexa another sense of peace. Lexa wanted nothing more than to let Clarke into her life so showing Clarke this tradition confirmed in her what she already knew. Lexa liked Clarke. A lot. And she was ready to open herself up completely, letting Clarke in.

 

“I’m happy you came.” Lexa replied honestly, her throat starting to dry up. She squeezed Clarke’s hand twice. “This tradition…it meant a lot to have you.”

 

Before she knew what she was doing, Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand and walked up to her, wrapping her arms around a surprised Clarke. It took Clarke a second to register what was happening, but soon she relaxed into the warmth that Lexa’s body brought. She gently wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and tightened the hug, leaning her chin on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa could smell the berry of her shampoo from resting near her hair and a hint of pine.

 

This was their second hug and already Lexa was entranced. While having Clarke kiss her cheek was otherworldly, _hugging_ Clarke brought a wave of new feelings that Lexa never wanted to let go. Lexa’s heart fluttered in uncertainty and excitement, but felt safe.

 

Lexa could feel Clarke’s arms tighten on her shoulders, and her face almost buried in her neck. She wanted nothing more than to stay here all night. But she knew that was impractical considering they’d both freeze to death. But there was all night with Clarke and her friends to look forward to.

 

Lexa slowly unraveled her arms from Clarke, immediately missing the warmth she provided.

 

Clarke could see Lexa try to compose herself, fixing her scarf and coat. She was reminded completely of Skylar who had stared at Clarke, head over heels. Clarke grinned at the smitten baseball captain.

 

“C’mon. We’ve got a whole night of holiday cheer ahead of us.”

 

“And Jasper.” Lexa added as she opened Clarke’s door.

 

“Drunk Jasper.” Clarke laughed.

 

Lexa climbed into the car, turning on the heater. Soon, Christmas music echoed through the car to which Clarke immediately began singing along. A love-struck Lexa glanced occasionally glanced at the singing blonde and hummed with her as she drove them to Raven’s house.

 

\--

 

Lexa pulled up to the familiar house and parked in an open space in front. There were already cars parked along the house. An eagerness filled her body as she couldn’t wait to have the familiarity of just her friends around her in a place she felt comfortable.

 

A dancing shadow appeared at the curtain to which they guessed was Jasper.

 

“Let’s do this!” Clarke raised her eyebrows, a wide smile on her face.

 

Lexa nodded. They both grabbed their respective bags filled with the gifts for their friends and walked up to the door. Clarke rang the doorbell as both girls bounced up and now from the cold.

 

The door swung open, revealing Bellamy with a pair of reindeer antlers on his curly haired head.

 

“Ay you guys made it!”

 

“Bell, is that the pizza?” Octavia called from inside the house.

 

“Nope, something better!” He yelled back. “Get in here, I’m starting to freeze my ass off.” He motioned for the two to come in to which Lexa and Clarke happily did. As soon as they entered the house, heat blasted onto them. Christmas music filled the house and the smell of burnt cookies wafted around them.

 

A Santa hat wearing Octavia skipped over to them as they were shrugging off their coats. “Ah dammit, Bell, how’s this better than pizza?”

 

Lexa mockingly glared at her best friend. “Then I guess you don’t want what I have wrapped here for you?”

 

“Shut up, Grumps.” Octavia wiggled her eyebrows at the sight of Lexa’s sweater. “Now can I see what you got me?”

 

“Not yet. We’ve got the whole night, O.” Bellamy scolded her.

 

“Killjoys…”

 

After hanging up their coats and scarves, Lexa and Clarke walked into the living room.

 

“Clarke!”

 

“Clarke’s here!”

 

Soon, Clarke was enveloped in a double hug from Monty and Jasper. After her surprise that she didn’t fall over, Clarke hugged them back.

 

“Hey you guys.” She was shocked to see not Santa suit or elf costume. But both adorned Santa hats too and matching Christmas sweaters.

 

“I’m guessing everyone’s wearing Santa hats?”

 

Octavia grinned at her and nodded. Clarke had a feeling it was the youngest Blake’s idea.

 

Jasper and Monty looked over her shoulder at Lexa who was standing nervously beside Bellamy.

 

“Lexa, you came!” Monty grinned happily.

 

“Fuck yeah.” Jasper nodded as if he knew she was coming.

 

Monty walked around to give Lexa an unexpected hug that she returned.

 

“Well now that everyone’s here, we can get everything started,” Bellamy wiggled his eyebrows.

 

Clarke quickly scanned the room, “Where’s Lincoln and Raven?”

 

Jasper and Monty shared a look of disgust and started snickering.

 

“I can hear that you assholes!” Raven’s voice sounded out.

 

Jasper and Monty quickly retreated to the living room. Clarke then noticed the small Christmas tree in the corner of the room, fully decorated with a star on top. Dozens of presents were scattered beneath the tree and then piled on top of each other against the wall.

 

“Raven tried making cookies and Lincoln then attempted to help her. It didn’t work out too well if the smell didn’t already give it away.” Octavia explained.

 

“Thank god there’s pizza on the way,” Bellamy teased before he bounded up the stairs.

 

“Bellamy, are you getting everything?” Lincoln called out from the kitchen.

 

“Yeah! Come help me!”

 

Lexa and Clarke both tried hiding their laughs as they saw Lincoln step out of the kitchen with a red Christmas apron on adorned with a Santa hat.

 

“It suits you, Lincoln.” Lexa teased. Lincoln quickly flipped her off with a grin and ran up the stairs to help Bellamy.

 

“Get over here guys! Me and Monty were right about to set up karaoke Christmas edition.” Jasper called out, a devious smirk on his face.

 

Lexa and Clarke made their way over to the living room and began taking their presents out of their bag. Clarke scattered them all over the place while Lexa set hers neatly in a pile. Clarke couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the pile, searching for a certain gift. But she couldn’t see any of them besides Octavia’s on the top.

 

Clarke sat between Monty and Jasper, trying to explain to them how to set the game up which rapidly turned into bickering. Lexa retreated to the two-seated couch next to her best friend who was watching the three idiots attempt to not destroy Raven’s television.

 

Lexa eyes quickly caught sight of something that only the untrained eye could see. Leaning over, Lexa whispered into Octavia’s ear, “Nice attempt with the makeup.”

 

Octavia eyed her curiously, not knowing what she was talking about.

 

Lexa coughed and subtly pointed at her neck. Octavia’s eyes bulged out of her head and her hand went to her own neck covering the mark.

 

“Is it that noticeable? I didn’t think anyone could see it.”

 

Lexa shook her head, amused. “No, but then again I’m not just anyone.” Lexa’s expression turned concerning as she saw the worry in her best friend’s eyes. “I’m assuming you haven’t told Bellamy.”

 

“No I haven’t. I’m working on it, okay?” Octavia explained dejected.

 

“It’ll be okay. He’s your brother. He just wants you to be safe and happy.” Lexa placed her hand on Octavia’s knee.

 

“Alright bitches, second try!” Raven came into the living room, a matching red apron like Lincoln’s with a Santa hat, and carried a tray with her oven mitten-covered hands.

 

Everyone turned to face Raven who currently looked like a mad scientist after bringing her project alive.

 

“I don’t know, Raven…”

 

“Oh come on, don’t be a bunch of wimps.”

 

Raven placed the tray on the coffee table as everyone circled around it. While the cookies were less burnt, fear still gripped the teens.

 

“Who wants to go first?” Octavia mumbled from her spot next to Lexa. Everyone gulped at the thought.

 

Raven shot her a glare.

 

“They can’t be that bad.” Clarke pointed out and reached for one that was in the shape of a star.

 

“Thank you! See Clarke’s not scared.”

 

“You don’t know about that first batch, Clarke. The horror.” Jasper whispered as he had a stare down with the tray.

 

Clarke felt a sense of fear at Jasper’s face and slowly retreated her hand.

 

“Oh fuck you, guys!”

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

Everyone turned their heads to the brave soul who spoke up. Lexa. Lexa was nodding to herself, almost trying to psych herself up.

 

“Captain…” Octavia’s voice was laced with warning.

 

“I’ll take the risk.”

 

Raven snickered. “See. The Captain here isn’t scared like you fuckers.”

 

Lexa slowly reached down with a trembling hand and picked up the cookie that Clarke had originally gone for.

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, geez.”

 

Lexa couldn’t help the hint of a smile as she dragged out the torture.

 

“Lexa, if you die, does that make me captain?” Octavia asked with a shaky voice.

 

“Sure, Octavia.” Lexa rolled her eyes.

 

Without a second thought, Lexa brought the cookie into her mouth and took a bite.

 

Everyone held their breath, waiting for a reaction. Lexa chewed carefully, showing no expression on her face that gave the taste away. Soon enough, Lexa swallowed.

 

Then she smiled, her cheeks beginning to blush.

 

“It’s delicious, Raven.”

 

Everyone let out a sigh of relief that Lexa wasn’t dead. And quickly Monty and Jasper dove into the tray grabbing several cookies.

 

“Glad you’re not dead.” Clarke walked over and nudged Lexa’s shoulder.

 

“Me too.” She nudged back, throwing the rest of the cookie into her mouth.

 

The doorbell rang again at which this time Raven yelled in joy. “Pizza!”

 

“How did you find a place that would deliver on Christmas Eve?” Lexa asked, surprised that it wasn’t closed for the night.

 

“A lot of research.”

 

“And good tipping,” Monty added, munching on an entire cookie.

 

Raven skipped to the door and happily paid the deliveryman for the pizza, including a sizable tip. She walked back with three large boxes in her hands and laid them out on the coffee table.

 

“O, go get your brother and Lincoln.”

 

“Ay nerds, get your asses down here!” Octavia yelled out.

 

“I could’ve done that.” Raven threw a cookie at her which Octavia easily caught.

 

Bellamy and Lincoln came down the stairs seconds later with bottles of alcohol in their hands. “Let’s get this shit started.” Both sported matching grins.

 

Jasper ran over to the kitchen and grabbed multiple plastic cups and plates.

 

Raven brought over eight shot glasses and filled them with tequila. She handed them out to everyone and raised hers in the air.

 

“Merry Christmas you guys. You’re all annoying as hell, but I love every one of you.” Raven said, smiling to her friends.

 

“Merry Christmas!” “Cheers!” Everyone echoed, all clinking their shot glasses with each other’s before downing their shots.

 

“Fuck, I forgot how tequila burns.” Monty coughed. Lincoln silently patted his back as the boy took a sip of soda.

 

After, everyone poured and mixed their own drinks and grabbed slices of pizza. Monty and Jasper were sitting on the floor with their pizza still figuring out the karaoke system while Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy sat on the larger couch trying to talk them through it. Raven sat happily on her favorite one seater, kicking her feet up on the ottoman and chugging her first drink down.

 

And finally, Clarke and Lexa sat next together on the double couch, pizza in hand. Music still blasted throughout the house and the two had started humming along.

 

“You have to do it.”

 

“Nope, no way. It’s bad enough I sang in front of you.” Clarke argued as she took another sip of her jack and coke. “Though drunk me might try.”

 

“Combining Christmas and alcohol is always fun.”

 

“I’ll do it if you do it!”

 

Lexa sat there with her mouth open. “Absolutely not.”

 

“Oh what, does the mighty Alexandria have stage fright?” Clarke raised her eyebrows.

 

“Never.” Lexa responded, insulted at the idea of her being afraid.

 

“Then prove me wrong.” Clarke challenged her.

 

Lexa shot her a teasing glare and took a sip of her drink. This night would certainly prove interesting.

 

“Hey, how about you two stop eye fucking each other and get over here!” Raven threw a pillow over Clarke’s head from her new spot between Jasper and Monty.

 

“We got it working!” Monty said with pride.

 

Octavia whooped from her spot on the couch and started setting up the line up.

“Alright,” she clapped, “I think a duet should kick things into gear. I nominate the host of this lovely party and her partner of choice.”

 

Raven cursed under her breath and stood up. “Fine, but whoever I choose better bring it cause I wanna win.”

 

“Wait, does that mean there’s points?” Clarke asked.

 

“Hell yeah it does!” Bellamy stood up on the couch. “And because I’m so awesome, I’m gonna kick all your asses.”

 

“Please Bell, you sound like a dying cat after it’s had its tonsils taken out.” Octavia threw out.

 

Lincoln let out a bark of a laugh and high-fived Octavia.

 

“Sit your ass down.” Raven quickly pulled one of Bellamy’s legs out from under him causing him to fall on his butt onto the couch.

 

“Let’s see…” Raven scanned the room. “I choose the Princess herself.”

 

Lexa let out a snort at Clarke’s annoyed face. The baseball player extended her hand motioning for Clarke to get on up.

 

“You suck.” Clarke muttered. She reluctantly stood up from the couch and over Jasper to stand next to Raven. “Wait, I need my drink.” Lexa happily handed Clarke her cup with a wink. Clarke sneered at her and took a few gulps.

 

“Alright, what are we singing?”

 

“I was thinking Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Raven pointed at the screen.

 

“The song everyone tries to sing by themselves?” Clarke nodded in acceptance. “Who do you wanna be?”

 

“I call the dude.”

 

“What why? You picked the song.”

 

“Cause I got picked first. Suck it up, Griffin.”

 

“I’m starting it!” Jasper called out, selecting the song.

 

Soon the familiar notes and lyrics came on the television. Raven handed Clarke the second microphone. Clarke turned to Lexa and pointed her finger, mouthing, “You’re next.” Lexa just sat on the couch laughing.

 

“Clarke you missed your first line!”

 

“Ah dammit.”

 

And with that, a serious session of karaoke began. Raven got extremely into her character, spinning Clarke around and even began dancing with her. She dipped Clarke on “ _Beautiful, please don’t hurry_.”

 

Lexa watched Clarke with complete adoration in her eyes. The blonde put on an amazing performance, flirting and dancing with Raven. Occasionally, she glanced at Lexa and gave her a subtle wink.

 

Towards the end of the song, the two parted to opposite couches.

 

“ _There’s bound to be talk tomorrow.”_ Clarke walked around the large couch-eyeing Raven as she tapped Lincoln and the Blakes’ on their heads. They cheered on at the show.

 

“ _Think of my life long sorrow._ ” Raven stood behind Lexa and leaned over, pressing her cheek against Lexa’s head. Raven and Lexa gave Clarke a dramatic frown. Clarke’s stomach bubbled with butterflies at how cute they both looked.

 

Clarke and Raven came back together to finish the song, getting ready to belt out the last line. “ _Oh, baby, it’s cold outside!”_ They ended the song and everyone clapped and yelled loudly.

 

“Thank you, thank you.” Raven took a bow. “It’s a gift really.”

 

“Shit, Clarke, I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Jasper nudged her leg. “I give them an 8!”

 

“Thanks, Jasper.” Clarke smiled.

 

“Same.” Lincoln agreed.

 

“9.” Monty threw out.

 

“Eh I’d say solid 7.” Octavia teased.

 

“No need to be jealous, Blake.” Raven stuck her tongue out. “Lexa?”

 

Lexa pretended to give it deep thought before calling out, “I give them a 10.”

 

“Bias! I call bias!” Bellamy complained.

 

“What, how?” Clarke and Raven asked at the same time.

 

“Conflict of interest.”

 

Raven and Octavia snorted loudly making Clarke blush. She bit her lip and looked away from Bellamy, trying not to break her poker face. Lexa on the other hand, grinned.

 

“How about instead of trying to argue against their scores, you show us your dying cat of a voice, Bellamy.”

 

Octavia burst out laughing as “oooh”s echoed throughout the room. Clarke snickered along with everyone as she took her drink and walked back to Lexa.

 

“Alright then, get ready to have your asses handed to you.” Bellamy stated, getting up from the couch. “Give me the mic, Reyes.”

 

“Wait but Jasper and I wanted to go next!” Monty stood up, giving his best puppy dog eyes at Raven and Bellamy.

 

“Damn it, fine, Monty.”

 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

 

“It’s a gift.”

 

Jasper bounced up and took the microphones from Raven and handed one to his best friend. He lowered his voice into the microphone, “This is…You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch.”

 

Clarke casually plopped back onto the couch right beside Lexa. While the baseball captain sat normally, her feet resting on the floor, Clarke sat cross-legged, letting her knee press against Lexa’s thigh. Whether it was holding hands or legs brushing, Lexa knew she loved feeling Clarke’s touch. And what made Lexa shyly smile to herself was how normal this felt.

 

Lexa was broken from her thoughts when she felt Clarke poking her leg. “You’re singing, whether you like it or not,” she warned mockingly.

 

Lexa took a sip from her drink and nodded. “Okay, Clarke.”

 

Jasper and Monty were singing their lungs out as they tried their best at acting out everything in the song. Together, they ran over to Bellamy and leaned over him. _“The three best words that describe you are as follows.”_ At every word they leaned their faces close to his. _“Stink! Stank! Stunk!”_

Bellamy shook his head and chuckled as he pushed Jasper’s face away.

 

The pair ended the song dramatically, Jasper on his knees and Monty dropping his microphone.

 

Clarke hugged Lexa with one arm and cheered along with everyone. Lexa rested her hand on Clarke’s arm and relaxed into the embrace and joined in praising the two friends.

 

Dramatic covers of Christmas songs continued until all three boxes of pizza were finished. Stomachs were full and alcohol swirled thoughts and speech. Clarke kept teasing Lexa into singing to which the Captain mockingly refused. Flirting touches and teasing glances continued, both completely knowing what they were doing. Any nervousness Lexa felt around Clarke and everyone faded as the night went on, her comfort returning as if no months of absence had passed. There was nothing but love and fun surrounding them.

 

“It’s time!” Jasper called out, his words slurring together. He and Monty climbed onto their feet and quickly ran upstairs.

 

“Presents!” Octavia yelled from behind the couch.

 

“Are they-” Clarke eyed the stairs.

 

“Yep.” Raven stood on wobbly legs.

 

Everyone climbed onto a couch and admired the presents that lay underneath and around the small tree as they waited for Monty and Jasper.

 

“Ho, Ho, Ho!” A loud voice called from the top of the stairs.

 

“Five bucks he falls down the stairs.” Raven muttered to Bellamy.

 

“You’re on.” They slyly shook hands and waited.

 

Clarke turned to the sounds of heavy boots coming down the stairs.

 

“They got dressed really fast…”

 

Then, they were met with the sight of Jasper in a full on Santa Claus suit, a fake white beard, and what looked like pillows stuffed in the clothes. Right behind him was Monty dressed up as an elf with a point green hat and what looked like green tights. Clarke couldn’t help the burst of laughter that poured out of her. Beside her, Lexa snorted at the sight, almost spilling her drink.

 

“Hey! Don’t make fun of-”

 

Before Jasper could take the last step, his heel missed the bottom stair and he fell backwards into Monty, sending them both crashing down to the floor.

 

Bellamy begrudgingly handed a smirking Raven a five-dollar bill.

 

“Let’s go Dumb and Dumber! You’re handing out presents!”

 

The pair picked themselves up and skipped over to the group’s little Christmas tree.

 

“Damn, guys, I have to say those are some sexy outfits.” Clarke pulled on the bottom of Monty’s green tunic.

 

“Excuse me, Ms. It’s Santa Claus and his elf Legolas.”

 

“Really, guys? Lord of the Rings?”

 

“Last year, Monty was Buddy from Elf!”

 

“Yeah, bring Buddy back!” Raven shouted out.

 

“Told you they’d like Buddy better.” Monty elbowed Jasper. “I wanna be Buddy.”

 

“Fine, you can be Buddy.”

 

“Yes!” Monty high fived himself and proceeded to start mixing up the presents. “So everyone can get a present, not just receiving from the same person or just giving to one person,” he explained.

 

“Great strategy, Bud.” Octavia teased.

 

“Makes sense.”

 

Clarke leaned over backwards towards Lexa. “So Jasper and Monty are the ones that hand out the presents?”

 

“Yes, and everyone watches as you open it. Giving you your moment.”

 

“No pressure there…”

 

Lexa looked on as Jasper and Monty searched through the gifts, deciding on which one they wanted to give out first.

 

“Okay, so who’s first?” Raven called from her ottoman.

 

“Okay, Ms. Impatient.” Jasper flipped her off.

 

“How about Ms. Throws a pizza crust at your face.”

 

“I could totally catch it.”

 

Raven quickly reached for her plate and tossed the crust she had left right at Jasper. He pulled down his beard and expertly caught the bread in his mouth.

 

“Respect.”

 

Raven tried tossing another piece of crust, but Lincoln caught it midair.

 

While they were busy getting mad at Lincoln, Monty chose one from the back that was wrapped rather poorly in red paper, but an attempt was clearly shown.

 

“First gift!” Monty held out the gift, looking at the name on the tag. “To Lexa from our very own Jasper.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened at the sound of her name being called out. She had come into tonight thinking she wasn’t going to be receiving anything since no one really knew if she was going, unless Octavia told everyone. She perked up seeing Jasper’s familiar shit eating grin as Monty brought the present over to the baseball captain.

 

“Merry Christmas, Lexa. And don’t chew my ass out about the wrapping.”

 

“When have I ever?”

 

As Lexa looked down at the poorly wrapped gift, her chest tightened. She looked around the living room at her friends, the happiness etched into their faces at being surrounded by love. Everyone had excited smiles, waiting for Lexa to open her gift. And it was like nothing changed. All of her friends welcomed her back with open arms, hell, even Jasper had been nothing but kind the entire night.

 

Lexa could feel her eyes begin to burn, tears threatening to spill. Then she glanced at Clarke, a beautiful encouraging smile.

 

Lexa took a breath and smiled down at the gift. “Thank you, Jasper.” She slowly ripped through a section without as much tape as the others. She pulled off the remaining wrapping paper to reveal a raccoon onesie.

 

Octavia snorted, almost spilling her drink.

 

“A raccoon this year?” Lexa asked, laughter bubbling in her chest.

 

“Yeah! Cause you sometimes wear that eye black during your games and it gets all over the place and boom! Raccoon captain.”

 

“Fucking true!” Octavia said, through her laughter.

 

“Thanks, Jasper.”

 

“You’re totally welcome.”

 

“Put it on! Put it on!” Raven started chanting. Soon everyone joined in, including Clarke.

 

Lexa looked down in embarrassment, her friends chanting and chanting until finally, “Okay!” Lexa walked to the downstairs bathroom, the onesie in hand wondering why she was doing this. Probably the alcohol.

 

Everyone waited with baited breath for Lexa to step back into the living room. Minutes later, they heart soft footsteps approaching. And then, there was Captain Lexa of the Grounders, standing in a raccoon onesie.

 

“How do I look?” Lexa asked,

 

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Octavia stated.

 

Lexa sent her a fake glare.

 

Clarke stood up and walked to Lexa. “Look, the hood has a little raccoon face!” She reached for it and pulled the hood onto Lexa’s head.

 

Everyone laughed at Lexa’s serious expression that was quickly cracking into a grin. Playing into the laughter, Lexa took a bow.

 

“He gave me a lion one last year.” Lexa told Clarke as they sat back on their couch.

 

“Ooh that sounds majestic. But the raccoon one looks like it suits you more.”

 

“Next present!” Monty called out, handing the gift to Jasper.

 

“Ooh to me, from Clarke!”

 

Clarke sat up, eager to see Jasper open his present, as well as Bellamy’s reaction. She eyed him mischievously.

 

“What?” He asked, suspiciously.

 

“Oh nothing.” Clarke responded, innocently. She leaned over to Lexa and whispered into her ear

 

“Watch this.”

 

Lexa just looked at her, confused, especially when she subtly took her phone out.

 

Jasper sat down on the floor and tore through the wrapping paper. He pulled out the beanies with a large smile. “Yes!” Then he felt the weight of something in a beanie. When he saw what it was, a devilish grin formed on his face. “Fuck yes.”

 

He quickly jumped up and ran over to the large couch, his hand behind his back and threw himself over Lincoln. When he was right in Bellamy’s face, he revealed a can of silly string in his hand. Before Bellamy knew what was happening, Jasper pressed on the canister and reams of string shot out, covering his face.

 

“Fuck! Jasper!”

 

“Take it!”

 

“Clarke!” Bellamy shouted, trying to push Jasper off of him. “I’m getting you back for this!”

 

Clarke laughed as she and Octavia tried taking video of it all. Eventually, Lincoln managed to pick Jasper up, much to his dismay and drop him back on the floor.

 

“Thanks, Clarke.”

 

“It was my pleasure.” And she honestly meant that, watching Bellamy tried to pick off the string from his face and sweater.

 

Monty quickly high-fived Jasper before turning to the pile of presents.

 

“Next! We got, To My Favorite Brother from Octavia!”

 

“Your only brother.”

 

Bellamy pulled Octavia into a hug and reached for his present. Octavia watched, a megawatt smile on her face as her brother tore through the snowman wrapping paper.

 

“Oh fuck yeah!”

 

“What is it?”

 

Bellamy turned the box around for everyone to see. “Greek God themed chess set! Thanks, O!” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

 

“You’re welcome big brother.”

 

After about ten minutes, everyone had opened at least one present, which meant they could start getting called again: Monty’s rules.

 

“To Clarke from Lexa!” Jasper called out, holding an expertly wrapped gift with a red bow on top.

 

Clarke’s heart skipped as she heard whom it was from. So Lexa had gotten her something. Jasper gently handed Clarke the gift and then she knew why. It was heavy! She put the foot long present on her lap, feeling the weight of it. Clarke turned to Lexa who had a shy smile gracing her lips.

 

“I hope you like it.”

 

Clarke melted at how nervous the baseball player sounded and how much effort went into the wrapping. Not wanting to ruin it, Clarke slit open the tape on one side and slip the present out from its confines.

 

Sitting on her lap, was a dark mahogany box that Clarke and Lincoln immediately recognized.

 

“No way.”

 

Lexa’s smile widened as Clarke’s eyes lit up, her face beaming with awe.

 

Clarke lifted the small latch and opened the wooden box. Neatly organized in rows where colored pencils, watercolors, tubes of paint, different sized brushes, Clarke couldn’t count them all. She carefully pulled the small loops on both sides that opened to reveal more drawers that held even more paints and pencils. Clarke’s stomach twisted, this was way too much.

 

“Lexa…”

 

“Hopefully it will help with the workload Mr. Roman gives you.”

 

Clarke wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t have spent this much on her, that she could’ve bought her a single brush and she would’ve been ecstatic. But the blush on Lexa’s face, the way her eyes stared as Clarke looked upon the art set, it meant everything.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome, Clarke.”

 

Jasper grinned as he held a thing large, square sized, present in his hands. “Might as well continue this section of the living room."

 

“Lexa! From Clarke.”

 

Now it was Lexa’s turn to bubble with excitement. Clarke had gotten her something? Lexa turned to see a nervous Clarke, tearing apart a piece of wrapping paper.

 

Monty took the present from his best friend and handed it to Lexa. For being the size it was, the gift was surprisingly light.

 

Lexa was almost scared to see what lay underneath the snowman paper that looked really familiar. She carefully unwrapped the sides, feeling Clarke’s stare.

 

She lifted the paper off and Lexa’s breath hitched as her eyes gazed upon what she held in her hands.

 

“You mentioned wanting to see more painting so…”

 

Lexa’s fingertips traced over the canvas, feeling the brushstrokes that etched the paints into its form, the baseball field below, the dark green of the forest behind. Then she studied the black of the night sky, the stars scattered in the night, carefully drawn and painted with such precision. Then she noticed it. Laying in the middle of the baseball field were two figures, what looked like a parent and a child, pointing at the stars in the sky. Lexa felt her throat dry and her chest constrict.

 

“Clarke, this is amazing.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Lexa turned to her; green eyes gleaming with unshed tears. “I love it.”

 

Clarke felt like crying herself when she saw the wonder and appreciation in Lexa’s eyes as she looked down at the painting. Her chest filled with pride that her work was admired, but the fact that Lexa was sitting beside her, telling her she loved what she made. It took her a few hours of sketching and planning. She originally wanted to use her charcoal before remembering how Lexa mentioned wanting to see her knack with painting.

 

Clarke felt breathless, flying above the clouds.

 

Everyone exchanged knowing glances as the two girls pretty much forgot anyone else was in the room. Octavia gave them a few seconds longer, knowing how much this probably meant to her best friend. She couldn’t see what was painted on the canvas, but she could see how Lexa reacted. She coughed shyly, bringing them back into reality or better known as the living room.

 

“Sorry, you guys.” Lexa apologized.

 

“No worries. We got all night.” Monty reassured her. He addressed everyone. “Continue?”

 

“Hell yeah!” Everyone, including Clarke and a chocked up Lexa responded.

 

“Moving on! To Lincoln…”

 

\--

 

After the last present of the night was given to Raven- a Ravenclaw scarf from Clarke, which she wore with pride- everyone took a minute to look through everything, open certain gifts that they wanted to use right now. And that’s when Lexa remembered a certain present that was still in the pocket of her coat.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Hm?”

 

Lexa fidgeted with the bottom of her sweater, almost afraid to look into the blue eyes she’s grown to love. Her mind raced, the alcohol still warming her body, but also a high from what might come of these coming moments. She was still reeling from Clarke’s painting, but she willed the words to come out.

 

“I actually have one more present for you.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened, her stomach twisting into knots.

 

“You do?”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“No way, you already-”

 

“It’s not something extravagant, Clarke.”

 

“Not if that art set has something to say about it.”

 

Lexa squinted her eyes at Clarke playfully.

 

“I don’t think anyone will notice if we step out for a moment.”

 

She quickly scanned the room and agreed. Everyone was still occupied with their presents. Jasper, still in his Santa suit, was continuing his annoying of Bellamy with his new bottle of silly string while Raven cursed at him that he’d have to clean that up. Monty had his arms wrapped around a pillow as he sipped on the expensive whiskey Lincoln has bought him. And Lincoln and Octavia were talking comfortably, wearing her new baseball hat from her favorite team.

 

“Okay, let’s go.”

 

Lexa and Clarke wordlessly stood up and attempted to walk out of the living room, hoping no one would notice. But of course, their luck isn’t that good.

 

“Hey, where are you guys going?” Monty asked innocently. Everyone paused and looked up at them.

 

“Uh.”

 

“My car. I forgot a bag with my clothes in the trunk.” Lexa explained, saving the day.

 

Monty nodded and went back to sipping his whiskey, the chatter and drinking resumed. But not everyone was convinced.

 

Clarke shot Lexa a thankful look and nudged her to get their jackets. She switched her Santa hat for her beanie and buttoned up her coat. Lexa shrugged her coat over her raccoon onesie, surprisingly comfortable. Lexa reached for their scarves and wrapped hers around herself before offering Clarke’s. Clarke leaned her head forward with a giggle, letting Lexa wrap it around her neck a few times. Clarke reached over and pulled the raccoon hood onto Lexa’s head.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

“Okay let’s go.”

 

Clarke led the way as they both walked the hallway and out the backdoor.

 

When they stepped out of the house, Raven leaned over to Octavia who had also been paying attention to her captain and Clarke.

 

“I didn’t know Lexa parked in my backyard.” Raven whispered with a smirk.

 

\--

 

“And we find ourselves back here once again.” Lexa said with a content sigh as they stood outside the backdoor, looking upon the trampoline. The crisp cold air surrounded them, piercing their bodies as they inhaled. The lights above the back door partially lit up the backyard and half of the trampoline.

 

“How did it manage to get this cold in less than two weeks?”

 

“I know. But really, how does weather work?” Clarke asked sarcastically as she shrugged.

 

“Thank you, whiskey, for providing the warmth currently coursing through my veins.” Lexa patted her stomach.

 

“Dork.”

 

“Observant.”

 

“Wordy.”

 

“Articulate.”

 

“Drunk.”

 

Lexa paused. “I will not argue with you there.”

 

With an eager look, Clarke nudged Lexa’s shoulder and jogged over to the trampoline. She gripped the metal railing and pulled herself up and rolled onto the familiar material. After picking herself up, Clarke bounced a few times, warming her legs up. Lexa was right, and Clarke silently thanked the alcohol in her system. Though the jumping was making her dizzier then she already was.

 

From her place at the door, Lexa just watched longingly as Clarke’s smile widened. That bright smile pierced her heart, instantly spreading warmth throughout her body. Soon Lexa was smiling along with her. She didn’t even feel the cold; she was simply mesmerized as Clarke started jumping higher and the bottom of her blonde curls begin to bounce lightly.

 

Clarke waved her hand, “You gonna join me, Captain?”

 

“You got my title correct,” Lexa pointed out, impressed.

 

“Well don’t get used to it. Now get up here.”

 

Lexa took a chilling deep breath and stumbled towards the trampoline.

 

“The last time we did this, Clarke, we weren’t intoxicated. I had a particularly difficult time doing this. How can you expect me to do this now?”

 

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come outside.”

 

“And I’m now realizing we could’ve just gone to my car like I actually said.”

 

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?”

 

Lexa held the metal bar tight, steadying herself. When she realized the baseball player might take a while, Clarke shook her head, amused at how adorable Lexa looked trying to focus. Clarke walked with a bounce towards the edge and stood in front of her, “Come on,” and she outstretched her hand.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa took it appreciatively.

 

Clarke began pulling her up, but of course, she completely underestimated how tipsy they both were. When Clarke stepped back to give Lexa room to climb up, she lost her balance and began to fall backwards.

 

“Shit!” And she took Lexa with her.

 

Lexa let out a small yelp before crashing into Clarke. Before she could register what happened, she felt herself nuzzling into warmth and a body underneath her, a tangled but comforting mess. When she took a short breath, she could smell a hint of perfume. It was just _Clarke._ Her hands had instinctively moved to Clarke’s sides as they fell to try and catch her, but now they were wrapped around her, encasing the blonde in a comforting embrace.

 

Lexa raised her head and was met with Clarke staring right at her, and those damn blue eyes making her heart pound in her chest. Lexa could feel Clarke’s hands clutched on her arms, still and gentle.

 

“Well that was unfortunate.” Lexa’s throat felt dry.

 

“Eh I wouldn’t say that.”

 

“At least I’m on the trampoline.”

 

“More like on me.”

 

Lexa laughed as she rolled onto her side, letting Clarke sit up.

 

“I refuse to even _attempt_ jumping,” Lexa proclaimed, sitting down in the center and crossing her legs, looking defiant.

 

“Aw so no falling on your ass tonight?”

 

“Absolutely not.” Lexa crossed her arms.

 

Clarke chuckled at how stubborn and childlike the baseball player could look. Lexa patted the spot next to her, nodding for her to come closer. Clarke slowly crawled over to sit right beside Lexa, feeling the warmth radiate from her.

 

“The sky is clearer tonight.” Lexa observed as she stared up into the night.

 

“You can actually see some stars.”

 

“There’s the big dipper.” Clarke pointed up at the sky.

 

“And if you follow those two stars, there’s Polaris.” Lexa guided Clarke to the unwavering star.

 

Lexa turned to face the beautiful girl who had worked her way into her heart and admired the look of awe on her face. The way Clarke’s mouth was slightly parted, her lips full and pink. Her cheeks were flushed, probably from the cold. And her eyes. God, her eyes, entrancing Lexa since that moment they opened on the baseball field.

 

“May I give you your gift now?”

 

Clarke met Lexa’s gaze and saw her reaching into her coat pocket.

 

“I don’t know why, but I’m nervous.” Clarke admitted.

 

Lexa let out a short breath of a laugh, “It’s not like I’m proposing, Clarke.”

 

Clarke shoved her shoulder softly, “Come on, don’t leave me waiting.” Huddled up, fully pressed against Lexa, she watched as the baseball player pull out a small wrapped box.

 

“Are you sure this isn’t a proposal?”

 

Lexa shot her a fake look of annoyance. “Who _wraps_ the box that contains the ring?”

 

“I don’t know!”

 

Lexa quickly poked Clarke’s cheek, trying to quiet her. Clarke couldn’t help the laughter bubbling in her throat.

 

“Merry Christmas, Clarke.” Lexa handed Clarke the small gift, letting their fingers brush.

 

The box felt light in Clarke’s hands and it took everything in her to not shake the box. She looked at the Christmas tree wrapping paper, how precise and perfect it was. She imagined Lexa sitting in her room, eyebrows knit in concentration as she tried wrapping the present so delicately.

 

“Thank you.” Carefully, Clarke pulled off the tape from the side of the present, not wanting to ruin the perfect wrapping.

Lexa brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, partly because of the cold, and partly because she was absolutely nervous. Watching Clarke unwrap this small gift shouldn’t affect her like this. But it did and she needed something to steady herself before she fell over on the trampoline in a puddle of nerves.

 

Clarke pulled the wrapping paper away to reveal a white box. Carefully, she opened the lid, her stomach turning in anticipation.

 

“Lexa, this is beautiful.”

 

“I confirmed the date with Raven to make sure I purchased the correct one.”

 

Inside the white box was a metal plated constellation bracelet with a leather wrap. Clarke took a closer look at the small plate and saw the Libra constellation cut into the metal. The leather wrap was intricately braided, ready to be tied. She slowly took the bracelet out of the box.

 

“It’s beautiful.”

 

“Do you like it?” Lexa looked over from her huddle, studying Clarke’s reaction.

 

“Hell yes, I do.” Clarke quickly moved to sit directly in front of Lexa and held out her left wrist.

 

Lexa put her knees down and relaxed, seeing Clarke’s wide smile. Both sitting cross-legged and close, she took the bracelet from Clarke’s other hand and placed it around her left wrist. With cold shaky fingers, Lexa began tying the leather wrap, which was proving to be rather difficult after a couple of drinks.

 

Clarke stared at Lexa, her jaw sharp and clenched, her eyes concentrated. Outside, there was silence; the only sounds were their short breaths. She leaned in closer to watch as Lexa tied the bracelet, now only a few inches in front of her.

 

When Lexa finished securely tying the bracelet, she took Clarke’s wrist gently in her hand and traced over the leather, sometimes passing over it and touched Clarke’s soft skin. She could feel goose bumps forming as she drew small circles on her skin.

 

The baseball captain slowly stared up at Clarke, “Done.”

 

Clarke’s blue eyes caught her stare, but now, Lexa recognized the desire behind them. Lexa could feel Clarke’s warm breath on her as they remained just inches apart. Green eyes flickered down to Clarke’s pink lips, aching to feel them against her own. Everything inside of her was pulling her towards Clarke, telling her to close the distance and quiet this need. To finally kiss the girl who’s been occupying her thoughts in the most beautiful of ways.

 

“Lexa.”

 

Lexa’s eyes snapped up to Clarke’s, hesitant and unsure. Then the words came out, so quiet, Lexa was almost unsure if she spoke them.

 

“May I kiss you, Clarke?”

 

Clarke’s heart thudded violently in her chest, the sound pulsing in her ears. Lexa would ask permission even when it was so obvious that Clarke wanted nothing more then to just lean in and take it. Clarke slowly nodded, feeling her body begin to tremble in anticipation.

 

Lexa slowly leaned in, her breath in short huffs. Soon, their noses brushed, lips still in waiting. Lexa closed her eyes and stopped herself from moving. She could hear the crickets begin to chirp and someone yell from inside the house. She could hear her pulse pounding away. But then all she heard was an angelic voice whisper three words.

 

“Lexa, kiss me.”

 

Lexa breathed Clarke in and finally closed the distance, pressing her lips softly against Clarke’s in a shy and careful kiss. And it was if the world around them went dark, their only audience was the stars shining above them. The hammering in her ears and the pounding beneath her ribs faded away as deep breaths and soft, warm lips consumed her senses.

 

Bringing her hand up, Lexa cupped Clarke’s jaw, bringing her into another kiss. Clarke’s hand found it’s way into Lexa’s curls, bringing her closer, deepening the kiss. Clarke could taste the whiskey on Lexa’s mouth, traces of peppermint lingering along the soft lips. Lexa’s lips moved gently against hers and Clarke couldn’t help the sounds coming from her throat.

 

With one last short kiss, they finally part, broken from their trance. Clarke stares at Lexa through half-lidded eyes, noticing how flushed the brunette’s cheeks were, how her lips were parted, breathing heavily.

 

“That was-”

 

“Wow.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Clarke reached over and took Lexa’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. They shared shy smiles, that left them both bursting into laughter.

 

“I have to say, Commander, you kiss pretty well.”

 

Lexa chuckled, “I could say the same for you.”

 

A loud crash rang out before they heard the backdoor open. Raven stood in the doorway, drink in hand. “Hey ‘not lovebirds’. Bellamy’s challenging El Capitán here to a sing off, fucking nerd.” And with that announcement, Raven dramatically entered the house.

 

“That felt oddly familiar.”

 

“Hopefully, they don’t make a habit of that.” Clarke joked.

 

“Come on.” Lexa stood up, offering Clarke her hand. “Time for me to annihilate Bellamy.”

 

Clarke took her hand and pulled herself up, meeting beautiful green eyes.

 

“I expect total domination.”

 

“Of course. Nothing less.”

 

Together, they hopped off the trampoline and walked back into the house, hand in hand, a newfound lightness in their steps.

 

The North Star shone bright in the night sky, echoing the kiss they shared.

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it. And until next time! I appreciate all the reviews, kudos, and subs! Every single one!
> 
> As usual, you can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) come rant about clexa to me or just say hi :)


	9. Weightless and Peaceful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Commander Lexa. 
> 
> May we meet again.

 

The week flew by and before Lexa knew it, the last day of the year was upon her. And what a year it had been. This year, Lexa had gone from being the happiest she ever thought she’d be, to being brought down to her lowest point. And now, finally at the end, she was picking up the pieces and healing. Happy.

 

There were 15 minutes in the previous recording from New York City until the ball dropped in the in New York. Her Uncle Gustus and his friends always hosted a small party for New Years at their house. All the artists from the tattoo shop were there with their families, drinking and dancing, celebrating another year passing.

 

Lexa sat on one of the couches, watching Kaiser play with Jax’s 5 year old son. Jax’s husband sat on the floor with them, a toy in his hands and a bottle of apple juice.

 

Lexa swirled the apple cider in her glass as her thoughts drifted back to Christmas morning. She had fallen asleep on the floor again, just like a few nights prior except this time she stared up at Clarke as they both drifted off to sleep. The kiss they shared tickled her lips and made her head spin. That and the alcohol. But mostly the kiss.

 

Clarke had let her hand drift over the edge of the couch so Lexa could play with her fingers. Fingertips traced over soft skin, just innocent touches in the dark.

 

Clarke and Raven were spending New Years with Abby at another doctor’s house. Raven had been excited for the expensive champagne her and Clarke were going to try and sneak.

 

10 minutes to go.

 

Lexa let out a shaky breath. Time was flying so fast. Her heart raced at the thought; time hurling faster and faster. She looked down at her wrist, the hands of her watch ticking away.

 

Pulling out her phone, Lexa scrolled through her photo albums until she saw the one she was looking for. The one she made sure to upload as soon as she got her phone.

 

_Mom and Dad._

 

She scrolled to the first photo, her favorite. She beamed at the screen. She was three years old and they had gone to the snow for Christmas. Little Lexa was bundled up in a puffy coat and scarf, a knit beanie covering the top of her brown curls, matching her parents. Her mother and father sandwiched her in the middle. Her father, snow in his hair black hair, was kissing her cheek, making the toddler open her mouth in laughter. Her mother was on the other side looked warmly at them, her smile beaming.

 

Lexa stared at the picture for a couple of minutes, her chest aching at the happiness the three of them shared. She still hurt sometimes about her parents’ death, sometimes on random days where the slightest detail might remind her of them. But it was on the holidays, that their presence was most noted. She locked her phone and placed it over her heart. She missed her mother and father everyday. But that ache and hurt had healed as best as it could. Family aids in that.

 

There were times in this year that she wanted to pause and stay in forever. And there were times that she wished sped away, never to be thought of again, she thought as she tightened the grip on her phone. But now, as the hands of time ticked on, Lexa was at peace.

 

Lexa pictured Octavia and Bellamy with their mother, sitting on their couch, content with the time they had together. She saw Clarke and Raven sneaking champagne and pulling on the strings of confetti guns. She saw Jasper and Monty lighting fireworks and laughing until their lungs burned. She remembered her mother and father kissing her goodnight as she fell asleep. She saw her Uncle, smiling warmly as he took in his family and friends, love and happiness filling the room.

 

And happiness filled her heart.

 

“3, 2, 1! Happy New Year!”

 

The fireworks and cheers echoed from the television. Everyone cheered from the shop’s basement and pulled the strings off their little poppers. Jax turned to his husband and kissed him softly, then both turned to their son and gave him a kiss on each cheek.

 

Lexa immediately turned to her Uncle and hugged him. Gustus wrapped his arms around his niece and held her gently.

 

“Happy New Year, Lexa.”

 

“Happy New Year, Uncle.”

 

“I love you, you know.”

 

“I do.”

 

“This year is gonna be a big one for you. I can feel it.” Gustus booped Lexa’s nose and smiled warmly. He picked up her phone from the table and nodded towards the stairs.

 

Lexa gave him one last squeeze. “I love you, Uncle.”

 

She took her phone from his hands and excused herself from the living room, making her way up the stairs and into the quiet of her room. She scrolled through the list of names until she found her and pressed the little phone icon. As the phone rang, Lexa looked up at her wall and stared at the new painting that hung there: the forest and field, with stars littering the sky.

 

Then a breathy, excited voice answered. “Lexa!”

 

“Happy New Year, Clarke!”

 

Lexa wondered if Clarke could tell she was beaming just from the sound of her voice. Her heart leapt and flipped at the beautiful sound.

 

“Happy New Year to you too. I’ll have you know that I’m kissing you through the phone right now.”

 

“Are you now?” Lexa raised her eyebrow.

 

“Well, I mean, if that’s okay with you. New Year’s kisses are traditional.”

 

“It’s more than okay with me. And I am most definitely kissing you back.”

 

“Awesome. Then can I say, this phone kiss is freaking amazing.”

 

Lexa could hear a voice in the background shouting, “Gross!” Lexa let out a breathy laugh.

 

“Tell Raven I say hello.”

 

“Oh I will.”

 

A loud thud was heard followed by Raven cursing at Clarke.

 

“How’re things on your side?”

 

“Great. My Uncle loves throwing his parties and New Year’s is definitely in his top five to host.”

 

“Yeah I can imagine.”

 

A small silence lingered between the two before a small, “I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too, Clarke.”

 

“Is that bad to say when we saw each other just a week ago.”

 

“I don’t think so. I’ve come to enjoy your presence. And hey, a week is a long time.”

 

“Cool. Cause I have too.”

 

“Cool.” Lexa grinned. From downstairs she could hear her Uncle calling her name. “I think my Uncle is calling me down.”

 

“Alright, tell him I say hi.

 

“I will.”

 

“Talk to you soon?”

 

“Most definitely.”

 

“Cool.” Clarke chuckled.

 

“Happy New Year, Clarke.”

 

“Happy New Year, Lexa.”

 

Lexa ended the call and fell down onto her bed, letting out a deep breath. Yeah, this year was going to be amazing.

 

\--

 

It’s two days into the New Year and Lexa was nervous. Really fucking nervous. She drove up the familiar street as her fingers trembled against the wheel. She had texted Clarke an hour before that she needed to ask her something but failed to tell her what. Hopefully, Clarke didn’t think it was anything bad. So here she was, driving to Clarke’s house, about to ask her on a date.

 

_Shit._

When she pulled up to the sidewalk, there weren’t any cars in the driveway, so she figured Clarke’s mother wasn’t home.

 

“Oh god, what am I doing?”

 

Lexa took a deep breath. Why was she so nervous? She knew Clarke felt the same way as her. Clarke and her had already kissed for heaven’s sake!

 

Before overthinking any further, Lexa turned off the ignition and stepped out of the car. Every step felt like there was lead in her shoes and a rollercoaster in her stomach. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the door she had seen Clarke walk into many times before. She rang the doorbell and waited.

 

Soon, she heard footsteps making their way to the door and _shit this was it._ The door opened and Lexa was met with the shining blue eyes she had fallen for.

 

“Lexa, hey!” Clarke smiled at the captain.

 

“Hello, Clarke.”

 

“Did you wanna come in and talk? I didn’t really know how to take your text so-”

 

“Uh I’m okay.”

 

“Alright.” Clarke said amused. She took in Lexa and could feel the nerves waving off her. She waited patiently, letting Lexa gather herself.

 

Lexa twisted the worn baseball cap in her hands as her stomach churned with nerves. She bit her lip, the string of almost incoherent words trapped in her mouth.

 

“Here we go.”

 

Clarke scanned Lexa’s face, finding her nervousness incredibly adorable. The baseball captain looked like a little kid about to ask her crush something. In fact, Clarke kind of had an idea of where this was going, so she just stood waiting.

 

“Clarke.”

 

Clarke nodded with an amused smile on her face. “Yes, Lexa?”

 

“I have a question.”

 

“And I have an answer.”

 

Lexa eyed her suspiciously. Clarke quickly winked at the nervous girl.

 

She groaned internally. “You love this, don’t you?”

 

“Maybe a little.” Clarke waved for her to continue.

 

Lexa took a deep breath and swallowed her nerves, just taking in Clarke’s blue eyes.

 

“Clarke…Would you like to go on a date with me?”

 

There it was. Clarke felt her lips turn upwards, beaming. Lexa stood there with a shy smile as she took in her question. Clarke felt her stomach flip circles and her chest tighten as she repeated the question over in her head. Without thinking, she jumped forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck, hugging her.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“I would love to go on a date with you.”

 

“You would?”

 

Clarke stepped back and lightly hit Lexa on the arm.

 

“Ow!” Lexa grinned, feigning hurt.

 

“Of course I would, you dork.”

 

“Great! Otherwise this could’ve been extremely awkward.” Lexa put her baseball cap back on her head.

 

“So is there a reason you couldn’t text this to me?”

 

“Excuse me for trying to be somewhat romantic.”

 

“I appreciate the romantic gesture then. What are you doing today?”

 

Lexa shrugged, “This was pretty much all I was thinking about doing for the day and I got it done in under five minutes. The rest of my day depended on how well this went.”

 

“Well I’d say it went pretty well.” Clarke nodded towards the doorway. “Wanna come in then?”

 

Lexa stood, unsure. “I was under the impression that because I asked you out, I would be the one to plan our first date.

 

“We can just watch some movies and order pizza,” Clarke teased. “This doesn’t have to be our first date since you wanna plan it. Think of it as a pre-date. Or friends hanging out.”

 

“Friends, huh?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Lexa bit her lip and gave in. “Alright, but I’m picking the movie.”

 

“Deal.”

 

“And no kissing.”

 

Clarke froze, “Even though technically we’ve already kissed twice?”

 

“When was our second?”

 

“Our New Year’s phone kiss,” Clarke grinned.

 

“Cute.”

 

“Hey, I take phone kisses very seriously, Woods.”

 

Lexa chuckled, “We are kind of doing this backwards then. Alright, we’ll see how the day goes then. Maybe there might be some kissing.”

 

“You drive a hard bargain. Remind me why I agreed to go on a date with you?”

 

“Because you think I’m hot.” Lexa took off her cap and ran her fingers through her hair, smirking.

 

Clarke stared at the luscious locks that fell past strong shoulders and the smirk gracing a sharp-jawed face. She simply sighed and nodded in defeat. “You’re right, you’re right. Fine.”

 

Lexa walked past Clarke into her house and winked. Clarke shook her head, amused, as she closed the door and followed Lexa inside.

  

\--

  

“I can’t believe we have to go back to school in a couple of days…It’s cruel.”

 

“It’s also the start of our last semester, Clarke.”

 

“Nope, can’t do it. Senioritis already hit me.” Clarke groaned. “Movie marathons until my inevitable death sentence it is then.”

 

Lexa gazed affectionately at the blonde.

 

“Sometimes I forget that only some of us are graduating this year. Octavia still has one more left.”

 

“Oh yeah huh? Damn, I did too. Well she acts like a fucking senior, that’s for sure.”

 

“She does need to keep up her attendance…” Lexa telepathically scolded her pitcher for skipping class some days, before turning her attention back to the movie playing.

 

“I love this movie. Rachel Weisz definitely contributed in helping me discover my sexuality.” Lexa nodded to the brunette on the screen.

 

“Right? Librarians…” Clarke shoveled another handful of popcorn into her mouth as The Mummy continued playing.

 

“Librarians do it for you then?”

 

“Maybe. We could find out. Got any glasses?” Clarke winked sending them both into a fit of laughter. Lexa felt her chest tighten as they both laughed. Suddenly a snort echoed through the room, sending them both silent.

 

“Did you just snort?” Clarke teased.

 

“No.”

 

“Yeah you did.”

 

“Absolutely not.”

 

“…”

 

“It was the couch.”

 

“That was so cute!” Clarke joked.

 

Lexa could feel her cheeks start to redden. So she grabbed a pillow from her side and threw it at Clarke’s face.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Making fun of my snorts result in pillows to the face,” Lexa explained.

 

“So you admit you snorted?” Clarke raised her hands in surrender. “You’re right. I’ve been known to throw many a pillow at one Raven Reyes.”

 

“Then you perfectly understand why I have to do this,” Lexa said with a regretful tone.

 

“Wait, wh-”

 

Suddenly Lexa grabbed another pillow and leapt from her spot on the couch to Clarke’s side and began a barrage of hits.

 

“Ah, Lexa!” Clarke let out a bellow of laughter as Lexa spurred onwards.

 

Locked in a savage pillow fight, their legs tangled together as Lexa climbed further on top of Clarke.

 

Clarke managed to disarm Lexa by knocking the pillow out of her hand. As Clarke reached for it, her hand hit Lexa’s side, making the baseball player yelp in surprise.

 

Losing her balance, Lexa fell sideways off the couch. Tangled up, Clarke fell right after Lexa, landing right on her. Lexa landed on her back, still laughing with the blonde. Clarke held herself up, her arms on both sides of Lexa’s head.

 

Lexa’s eyes flickered to Clarke’s lips that were graced with a wide smile, her laughter dying down. She adjusted her legs and noticed then that Clarke was practically straddling her waist.

 

“Hello,” Lexa replied in a tight voice. She could feel her chest tighten and her stomach flip as she imagined Clarke’s hips grinding down into her.

 

“Hi.”

 

Noticing what she thought was uneasiness; Clarke began to push herself off the ground, wanting to give Lexa her space. “We should probably-” But before she could get any further, Lexa wrapped a hand around her forearm and pulled her slowly back down.

 

Clarke’s eyes widened as she saw a small smirk form on Lexa’s lips.

 

Lexa licked her lips, eager to close the distance. Her stomach tightened at the though of feeling those soft lips again. She could feel Clarke’s breath against her. She leaned upwards and-

 

“Clarke! Come help!”

 

Lexa shot forward as a woman’s voice shouted from the door causing her to ram her forehead right into Clarke’s.

 

“Ah fuck!”

 

Clarke scrambled off of Lexa, fixing her clothes. She tried not to trip from the dizziness after hitting her forehead against Lexa’s. She had an extremely solid head…

 

Knowing who was probably home, Lexa wanted nothing more than to melt into the floor and disappear forever.

 

“Hey mom.”

 

“Clarke. And who's this?” Abby asked in an amused voice. She took in the torn jeans and baseball cap and put the pieces together.

 

Lexa mustered up her courage and stood up. “Hello Dr. Griffin. My name is Lexa Woods. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She walked briskly around the couch and held out her hand.

 

Abby switched the bag of groceries to her other arm and shook Lexa’s hand, taking in the teenage girl.

 

“So you’re the Lexa my daughter’s been going on about.”

 

“Mom!” Clarke sent a death glare to her mother.

 

“Well it’s nice to meet you too, Lexa.”

 

“Would you like some help bringing in the groceries?” Lexa offered.

 

“That’d be nice, thank you.” Abby smiled at her, then looked at Clarke. “This one groans every time I ask her.”

 

“What? No, I don’t!”

 

“Clarke…” Lexa shook her head, mocking disappointment.

 

“I don’t!”

 

Lexa helped Abby bring in the rest of the bags, Clarke grumbling the entire time.

 

“The hospital gets so busy that I don’t have as much time as I’d like to bake anymore.”

 

“I know it’s not as bad as a hospital but I know my Uncle would share the same sentiments.”

 

“Where does he work?”

 

“Lexa’s Uncle actually owns his own tattoo shop.”

 

“Oh wow, that’s amazing.” Abby complimented.

 

“He loves it. Though it does interfere with his baking hobby. He makes the best molten lava cake I’ve ever tasted. He’s been attempting to show me but I don’t have the necessary finesse to properly work in the kitchen,” Lexa teased.

 

“That’s Clarke too. She might have an artistic hand, but certainly not in this area.”

 

“Is it just insult Clarke night?” Clarke pointed out.

 

Lexa and Abby shared a grin before bursting out laughing. “Oh honey, it’s because we love you that we tease you.”

 

Lexa coughed into her hand, trying to hide a blush. “Well I really should be going,” Lexa said, setting the last bag down in the Griffin kitchen.

 

Clarke felt a twinge of sadness at the thought of Lexa leaving.

 

“That’s a shame. Are you sure you can’t stay for dinner?”

 

“I would love too, but my Uncle is expecting me home soon.”

 

“Okay, well you have to come by for dinner one of these days.” Abby offered warmly. “Explain more about this lava cake your Uncle makes.”

 

“I’d love to. Thank you Dr. Griffin.” Lexa smiled at the older woman.

 

Abby waved her off. “Please Lexa, call me Abby.”

 

Lexa nodded and began making her way to the front door. Clarke quickly followed behind, standing on the inside of the doorway.

 

“You could stay if you want.”

 

“I appreciate the offer Clarke but I actually do have to be going. Weight training begins tomorrow and I need to get ready.”

 

“Weight training?”

 

Lexa nodded. “I need to keep up my strength. Record number of stolen bases as well as the highest number of hits in all three of my seasons,” Lexa bragged with a smirk.

 

Clarke briefly lost herself in her thoughts. Lexa in tight shorts lifting a barbell as she takes deep hot breaths…

 

“Clarke?”

 

“W-what,” Clarke broke out of her daze.

 

Lexa laughed softly.

 

“Well enjoy your training. As if you haven’t been ready since break started.”

 

“You’re correct there.”

 

They stood in silence for a few comforting seconds.

 

Lexa shifted her feet nervously before taking a step closer to meet Clarke face to face and placed a quick kiss on Clarke’s cheek. Immediately feeling her face redden, Clarke pressed her hand on Lexa’s chest and shoved her backwards lightly.

 

“You’ve got to stop doing that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Making me all cheesy and blush and crap.”

 

Lexa beamed at the smiling blonde. “Never.” She walked down to the driveway toward her car.

 

“Hey, so about that date?” Clarke called down.

 

“Impatient?”

 

“Excited.”

 

“I’ll call you and let you know everything.”

 

“Okay, don’t leave me hanging Captain.”

 

“I wouldn’t dare.”

 

\--

  

Tomorrow had come and pure exhilaration coursed through Lexa’s veins. Waking up, her muscles ached to face real resistance and force. Sure she had kept up her weights by going to the gym, but something about team training and setting new goals spurred her on more. Coach Indra was good friends with the weight training coach, Pike. Together, they always built the best and most rigorous training course.

 

Lexa walked into the weight room that resided in the lower level of her high school and took in the familiar large white room. There were adjacent rooms with wide open door frames that led into different sections with different equipment. The bicep and triceps machines, the free weights aligned perfectly by weight, the benches with barbells and dumbbells ready to be used. The crisp coldness of the air-conditioned room sent chills over her skin. She tightened the grip on her water bottle and smiled.

 

Lexa heard footsteps come up behind her.

 

“I’m gonna die.”

 

Lexa shook her head. “You’re not going to die.”

 

“Yes I am. Coach Pike is gonna kill me.”

 

Lexa ran through all her prepared lines to comfort her best friend. “Octavia, you’re in excellent shape so training should not be too hard. You’ve survived for the past two years and you’ll survive this one as well. Your pitching exercises your arms more than anyone…”

 

Lexa looked beside her and saw Octavia in matching tight black shorts and a gray muscle t-shirt, only with a pained expression on her face.

 

“You’re a horrible motivational speaker.” Octavia deadpanned.

 

Lexa winked at her best friend who responded with her middle finger. Octavia grinned at the catcher, excitement welling inside her. A certain mechanic might have texted her after a certain blonde texted her that a certain baseball player had asked said blonde on a date. So naturally, Octavia was bursting, waiting to tease the hell out of her best friend about it.

 

Monroe entered the room next with a groan. “Who’s ready to die?”

 

“Here, here.” Octavia raised her hand for her teammate’s and the two high fived.

 

Lexa’s eyes flickered to Monroe’s head and she almost let out a short laugh when she saw what was on her head.

 

“Monroe, are you wearing a sweatband?”

 

Octavia snorted and burst out laughing. “Oh my god, it’s like looking at long haired Paulie Bleeker!”

 

“It’s efficient and sensible!” Monroe pouted, holding her head.

 

“Hey Monroe! Did you want some of my orange tic tacs?” Another voice yelled out. Several laughs filled the room as more girls came in.

 

A few minutes later, all seventeen members of the Grounders baseball team sat in a circle stretching for their warm-up. Lexa tightened her hair tie as she looked around the circle, admiring the comfortableness and ease around every one of her team members. Octavia threw a dirty sock at their center fielder, Sam, who then tossed it onto Fox’s head. One by one, the sock eventually landed in everyone’s face, except for Lexa’s if they were smart. As much as they loved to tease and joke, there was nothing but love. Everyone got along and there was rarely any fighting or drama. They all shared a love for baseball and built friendships from that love.

 

“Hey, Captain!”

 

Lexa looked up at Harper who had a sense of understanding written on her face..

 

“All of us hope you’re okay. You know…after Neva.”

 

All of the girls went quiet at the mention of their last interaction with the Glaciers’ captain. Some players nodded in solidarity. Everyone’s eyes turned to Lexa, unsure of her response.

 

“The Ice Nation isn’t gonna know what hit them,” Harper continued with confidence. “And they’re gonna pay for what happened.”

 

“Fuck yeah!” One girl agreed.

 

“She’s gonna wish she never picked up a mitt.” Another spat out.

 

Lexa couldn’t help the amusement she felt from her team. “Sorry to disappoint you all,” she started. Lexa smirked, “But the Ice Nation is going to know _exactly_ who is going to hit them. Full force. No mercy. She’s going to know that the Grounders are coming for her,” Lexa spat out, grit and venom spilling out.

 

Every one of her teammates stood up and yelled out, clapping: echoing their Captain’s determination. Chants of “Grounders” and “Lexa” started, filling the weight room.

 

“Ladies! Listen up!” A loud voice boomed from the large doorway. Lexa turned to see Coach Pike standing, clipboard in hand. “I’m glad to see you’re all warmed up.”

 

Lexa stood up straight, her hands tightening in anticipation.

 

“Now, this is the first session of weight training so the exercises shouldn’t be too bad on you.”

 

Octavia gave a subtle sigh of relief that Lexa shushed.

 

“But considering you are being instructed by one of the most ruthless coaches I know and because she has provided me with a good background of where you all are at…this will not be as easy as you had hoped.” He pointed a finger at Octavia.

 

Several girls snickered at Octavia being called out.

 

“You all know me by now so you know how this operates. I will give you sets of exercises to do and I expect you to give everything you have and more in order to complete them. Then I will give you more sets. If you cannot complete the instructed sets, then fine. But you will have to complete whatever you have remaining in the next session. Understand?”

 

“Yes, Coach!”

 

“Oh,” Coach Pike snapped his fingers remembering, “and what’s my number one rule? Lexa.”

 

“Only water in the weight room. You spill it, you clean it.” Lexa stated, remembering the words she first heard from Coach Pike during her freshman year.

 

“Exactly! Now, divide yourselves into groups of four with one group of five! Let’s move!”

 

\--

 

Lexa, Monroe, and Octavia stood around one of the pull-up machines watching Fox struggling to complete the sixth pull-up of her third and final set.

 

“C’mon Fox, you got this.” Monroe encouraged.

 

“No-I don’t…”

 

“Stop whining, newbie, and push through the pain,” Octavia threw out, sweat dripping down her face as she stretched her pained arms.

 

Monroe was controlling her breathing, her arms over her head. “That’s rich coming from you, O.”

 

Lexa studied Fox’s form and silently knew the girl wasn’t going to be able to finish.

 

“It’s alright Fox. You can stop.”

 

“No-” Fox almost had her chin above the bar when she couldn’t hold on any longer and her arms gave out. Monroe steadied the girl as her feet touched the ground, breathing hard.

 

Lexa smiled at the girl and rubbed her back lightly. “You did good.”

 

“Alright Lexa, last set and then we move on to the leg presses.”

 

Lexa eyed the apparatus and felt her muscles ache. The familiar burn pulsed through her arms. She clapped her palms together and nodded. “Got it.”

 

Lexa stepped forward and reached upwards, gripping the bar tight. She took a deep breath and then pulled herself up, exhaling everything from her lungs. Her arms could feel the burn immediately. Keeping her legs straight, her core tightened as she pulled herself up a second time. Lexa took a deep breath as she extended her arms.

 

“It’s like she’s a robot, or something,” Octavia muttered.

 

“I heard that,” Lexa grunted, making quick work of three more pull-ups.

 

“Hey, me and Fox are gonna refill out bottles. We’ll meet you at the leg presses.”

 

“Kay.” Octavia nodded. When they were gone, Octavia mentally danced realizing that Lexa and her were finally alone. So she slyly made her way right beside Lexa as she slowly pulled her chin over the bar.

 

“Sooo.”

 

“So?” Lexa squeezed out.

 

“Whatcha do yesterday?”

 

Lexa inhaled, preparing her core for another pull-up. “My Uncle and I made lasagna.”

 

“Ah shit, I can’t take it!”

 

Lexa eyed Octavia weirdly from above the bar. “Wha-“

 

Octavia reached over and slapped Lexa’s stomach.

 

“Ow! What the hell Octavia?”

 

"Oh shut up, it's not like I shot you."

 

Lexa scoffed, "As if a bullet in the stomach could end me."

 

"Pfft, yeah. Fucking ridiculous." Octavia eyed her Captain. "Anyways..."

 

"Anyways?"

 

“Uh! When were you gonna tell me you asked Clarke out?” Octavia yelled frustratingly.

 

“Agh!” The question took her completely by surprise, making Lexa lose concentration for a split second. But that second was enough, and her grip of the metal bar loosened, sending the catcher to the padded floor on her ass.

 

“Shit.”

 

Octavia’s eyes widened as she covered her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh.

 

“I’m gonna have Coach bench you,” Lexa threatened.

 

“Yeah yeah, now talk!”

 

Lexa couldn’t help her lips turning upwards at the memory of Clarke hugging her tight and agreeing to their date.

 

“I know that face. That’s your, ‘I can’t believe this happened. A meteor could crash into Earth and I wouldn’t notice’ face.”

 

“That was oddly, very descriptive.”

 

“Hey, you’re an emotional person.”

 

Lexa picked herself off the ground and looked around seeing everyone was busy struggling with their own exercises to be paying attention.

 

“I asked Clarke on a date,” Lexa whispered, not being able to contain her smile.

 

“Hell yeah!” Octavia pulled Lexa into a tight hug and squeezed.

 

“Ah, my abs. The pain.” Lexa groaned.

 

“Lexa! I’m so fucking happy for you!”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“And we almost kissed again,” Lexa added shyly.

 

“Well damn, look who moves fast.”

 

Lexa shoved the pitcher lightly.

 

“Wait.” Octavia’s eyes widened. “Again?”

 

Lexa mentally cursed at herself . “I didn’t say that.”

 

“Yeah you did.” Octavia wiggled her eyebrows, understanding that her friends made out.

 

Lexa shook her head.

 

“Alexandria Woods!” Octavia enunciated mockingly. “Was she a good kisser?”

 

Lexa sent her a death glare.

 

“Oh god, don’t tell me you sucked.”

 

“Octavia!”

 

“What? They’re valid questions!”

 

“…”

 

“Did you cry?”

 

“I will tell Coach Indra to bench you, mark my words.”

 

Octavia raised her arms in surrender. “Okay okay, I’m done.”

 

“Good.” Lexa stated.

 

“Can I ask one final question?”

 

Lexa opened her mouth to start scolding her again.

 

“Please! It’s important.” Octavia put her hands together, begging.

 

Lexa sighed and waved her friend to continue, “I’ll allow it.”

 

“Whatcha gonna do for the date?”

 

Lexa paused and held her breath, her eyes slowly widening.

 

She lifted her hand, shaking her finger, knowingly. “I…have no clue.”

 

Octavia’s mouth dropped. “What? Are you kidding me?!”

 

“Woods! Blake! Why do you two insist on interrupting everyone’s concentration and hard work?”

 

Coach Pike walked into their divided section of the weight room with arms crossed and stared them both down.

 

Lexa shook her head in disbelief. “No, Coach, we were just-“

 

“Yeah, we-”

 

“I think it’s because the sets I’ve assigned you are too easy! Considering that you’re not even half way done with all of the exercises, I’m impressed. I’m giving you two an extra set.”

 

Lexa bit her lip and nodded in acceptance. “Yes, Coach.”

 

“And cut the chatter. Nothing exists inside these walls except for blood, sweat, and tears.”

 

“Yes, Coach.” Octavia saluted.

 

“Get to it.” He called over his shoulder as he walked to check on the other groups.

 

“Now I’m really going to get you benched.”

 

“Ah c’mon, what’s another set to the badass Captain Woods. We’ve got more important things to worry about.”

 

“More important than weight training?”

 

“Yup. Cause you and me are gonna plan the best date ever.”

 

“We are?”

 

“Fuck yeah.”

 

“Octavia-”

 

“Aw c’mon, it’ll be great! You wanna impress Clarke, don’t you?”

 

“Of course I do.”

 

“Then it’s decided. I mean, I’m sure she’d love whatever date you planned. It could be a picnic inside an active volcano and she’d still kiss you at the end of it.”

 

“Thank you for that picturesque image.” Lexa stood back under the bar of the pull-up machine and lifted her arms, adjusting her grip.

 

“Ah, I’m so fucking excited and it’s not even my date.”

 

“Speaking of, how’s that going? Any new developments on the Bellamy situation?”

 

Octavia sighed dejectedly. “Nope. I just,” she leaned against the metal contraption and crossed her arms. “I have no idea how to even bring it up.”

 

Lexa pulled herself up and began the rest of her set.

 

“I mean, how do you tell your older brother that you’re in love with his best friend?”

 

“In love?” Lexa teased.

 

Octavia resisted the urge to slap Lexa’s stomach again. “You know me, Lexa. Lincoln’s just my world. As cheesy as that sounds.”

 

“It’s not cheesy at all.” Lexa reassured her, her heart beating fast. “We’ll come up with something, O.”

 

“Thanks.” Octavia smiled at her best friend, a sense of peace washing over her. Everything felt like it was falling into place and nothing could stop it.

 

“Alright enough of the sappy shit. We’ve got an extra set in every machine so let’s fuck it up!” Octavia pounded her first against her palm. "Ready?"

 

Lexa smirked as she willed her arms to pull her chin over the bar, ready to complete the added set.

 

“I’m ready.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the months and months of waiting. Lexa's death hit me extremely hard and it hurt to even think of writing this fic let alone open the document. But I feel so tied to this story and want to continue telling it as long as people are still invested in the love these two have. Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! They really warmed my heart and definitely spurred me on. It means a lot that so many people are still invested in this as I am<3
> 
> You can find me at (clexuh.tumblr) if you wanna say hi (:


	10. A Look Into The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was part of a future chapter and I just wanted to put it out there since it's been over a year and I'm not sure if people are too interested in this story anymore. But if you are let me know!

“Lexa! I’ll meet you at the game, I’m going to pick up some fruit beforehand!” Her Uncle Gustus called from the bottom of the stairs. 

 

“Okay, Uncle!”

 

Lexa took a deep breath. It was finally here. The starting game of the season and Lexa’s heart ached. Her final season. 

 

She walked to her bed and picked up her glove, staring at all the creases and stains that marked her journey. One particular dark stain on the outside of the web made her smile. 

 

\---

 

_ Her first game on the Grounders varsity team, of her high school career. She had just found her home as catcher and the game was close. The Grounders were winning by one in the bottom of the final inning. The other team’s tying run was on third as their batter swung a hard ground hit into right field. And the runner took off. Their right fielder managed to quickly pick up the ball and launch it to Lexa who had put herself on home plate, waiting for the ball to tag out the runner. The opposing red uniform was coming closer and closer and the ball almost seemed to be moving in slow motion. Lexa reached out with her glove and made the catch, bringing her glove down and tag the runner right as she ran into the catcher. They collided into each other and Lexa’s mask flew off as she was launched back, her eyes filling with stars. _

 

Hold onto the ball. Hold onto it.

 

_ “OUT!” _

 

_ Lexa opened her eyes and everything was a blur. With her gloved hand she wiped her exposed forehead, realizing her mask was off. When her glove touched her forehead she felt a small sting. She looked down and realized two things. One, she was bleeding. Blood covered the back webbing of her glove. And two, the ball was still in her glove. She made the out! They won! _

 

_ The next thing she knew, Lexa was surrounded by her team picking her up and cheering. Her captain Anya, a senior that year slapped her on the back. “Way to go, kid!” _

 

_ And Lexa knew this team would be her home.  _

 

\---

 

Lexa smiled at the memory. This game was going to change everything. She felt a buzz in her sweatpants and pulled out her phone. It was a text from Clarke.

 

Clarke <3 : I’ll see you at the game! Can’t wait to see you lookin sexy in that jersey (;

 

Lexa laughed at her girlfriend. Clarke was finally going to see her officially play. In her element. She packed her phone away in her duffle and zipped up her warm up jacket. Kaiser lifted his head up from her bed and wagged his tail.

 

“I’ll let you know how the game goes, boy. But you already have an idea.” She teased. 

 

She grabbed her Grounders cap and walked to her mirror. She let out a breath and put it on, pulling her ponytail through the back. Adjusting the bill to how she liked it, she grinned.

 

Here we go.


End file.
